well we have lots of news, and it’s kind of all over the place. the one consistency in all of it is that we are praising GOD for all of HIS goodness.

paul’s orders have changed in the last week. don’t get too excited, we’re still going to japan, just not to misawa as we were originally told. the job that paul was going to have in misawa has been moved to bahrain. with the job being in bahrain, that set of orders was to be not accompanied meaning that paul would go alone and we would live apart from each other for 1 year while he was there. PRAISE THE LORD, someone from another squadron volunteered for that position and paul does not have to go. talk about getting perspective. paul and i have been struggling for the last 6 months about going to misawa, and here we could be dealing with him going to bahrain without us for 1 year. (on a funny note, my dad wants to find the gracious soul who volunteered for the bahrain job and send him a fruit basket. ha!) paul has been given orders to kadena, a small tropical island near okinawa, japan. the down side of this is obviously that we are still going to japan and away from our amazing families who just ache to be near jackson. the blessings keep our spirits lifted though— kadena is a climate that both paul and i are much more familiar with (8 out of 12 months of snow and gray clouds in misawa was not that appealing). i don’t know about you, but sunshine can really make my days so much better. not only that, but the job that paul will be doing (while still being non-flying orders) is on a smaller scale with a more tight-knit community. think of it being a smaller pond for paul to be a bigger fish in and stand out more in terms of job performance. we’re praying that this helps us out on the back side, when we leave kadena, and get our next set of orders. this job will also allow paul a more hands-on experience with the crews that are serving in kadena. paul is a much more “hands on” learner and is thankful to be more involved with the crews and their flying than in board rooms presenting power-point after power-point (which is what he would’ve done in misawa). kadena is a bigger base as well and there is a stronger american influence there than in misawa. this would mean that kadena will be less of a culture shock for me. sweet jackson will still get to be a ninja baby, but instead of learning to ski at 2 years old, he will be learning to surf.

in other news… i am battling breast feeding. we’re on week 5 of it and this weekend gave me that feeling of “this just isn’t right.” you know that feeling you get sometimes when things just click and you realize that something needs to change? well, i have that feeling and i’m at the point now where i’m trying to figure out what exactly “it” is that needs to change. as you know, jackson is lactose intolerant. here’s the thing though…. while i have taken dairy out of my diet for 3 weeks now, jackson’s symptoms have not improved as much as we were hoping they would. this gave me that “something just isn’t right” feeling… while i let that feeling marinate for a while, other things have cropped up… my supply seems to be so abundant that i can’t get any relief from feedings. paul took a feeding at 2 am that i had pumped for, and yet my body was still exploding this morning. the exhaustion has set in so hard for me, and while paul is so gracious in wanting to help me by taking feedings, my body won’t allow for it. so i end up breast feeding anyways because i have so much. this of course makes for the breast feeding experience to be less than an enjoyable one. jackson practically drowns himself when i do feed him, and then gets upset when he is too full and has a belly ache. it seems to be an endless cycle and for a while i actually thought that this is “just how it is,” but i’m starting to realize that it’s not. it’s not supposed to be this stressful. when this lactose intolerance thing originally came about, i thought to myself “if i’m the one with the burden of the diet, etc, then fine.” now it’s starting to be a burden for jackson and i can see that our feeding times together are just not enjoyable for him or me. he is being affected by all of this and he shouldn’t b
e. PRAISE GOD for my mother, because discussing all of this with her and getting that confirmation from someone who has “been there, done that” has helped me realize that it doesn’t have to be this way. something has to change, so i’m thinking that i will pump and feed jackson with a bottle for this week (we have his one month check up on thursday). once i talk to his doctor about this, i will either continue pumping and feeding via bottle or switch to formula. words cannot express how much i have been struggling with this. my emotions are shot because i am so wanting to do what is best for jackson…. i just don’t know what that is yet. paul has been my logic (as always), reminding me that we will always be making decisions that we think is “right” for our child, but we just don’t know until we try. i have been so on the band-wagon with “breast being best” that i’m not sure i’ve allowed myself to see what is “best” for my son…. and allowed myself to consider that “breast may not be best” for him.

on with the good news…. and really all of this is good news because it’s all a learning experience, but on a more positive note… jackson is just growing leaps and bounds. the pictures that i’m attaching are from him playing with paul and starting to coo. i keep encouraging jackson to “use your voice” because i just love the little noises he is starting to make. he is wanting to be such a big boy, lifting his head, looking around, and testing his strength. paul and i are kicking ourselves for not traveling home to atlanta for this long weekend that we had. we are learning that jackson is growing so much so quickly and we ache for our parents to be a part of watching him grow, probably as much as our parents are aching to watch him grow. i envy those of you who have your parents just 20 minutes away. you are so lucky. seeing how quickly time passes (and it just goes quicker and quicker once you have kids apparently) makes both paul and i want to have our families here and experiencing jackson all the time. before we know it, we will be off to japan and they will have to experience jackson via camera-phone. PRAISE GOD that we have our family only 5 hours away and so desiring to be near jackson. we consider ourselves blessed to have such loving parents and siblings wanting to be a part of his every day life.

alrighty, i have made this post long enough i suppose. enjoy the pictures. paul and i need to learn to post video on here. maybe that can be our memorial day project today. have a good holiday!

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