we were home all weekend long with a very sick magoo. turns out his little vomit tactic on friday was just a preview of the awesome stomach virus that he now has. our arms are broken after holding him literally for the last 4 days… his fever has gone as high as 103, which scares me, but as my mom reminds me, “it’s good. it means he’s fighting.” i just wish he would friggin beat it already and that this fever would break because it has made jackson and me absolutely miserable.
we saw my in-laws friday, mid-puking session, and they stayed with us friday night. paul and i ended up taking jackson to a doc in the box nighttime pediatric place friday night because we were scared with the fever and not knowing what the hell to do. that place thought jackson had an ear infection… and gave us antibiotics. ha!!! we saw jackson’s pediatrician this morning, who basically laughed at that, said his ears “were perfect” and to stop the antibiotics because we weren’t treating anything.
the thing that sucks about jackson’s stomach bug is that we have our feeding evaluation at kennedy krieger this week, thursday actually. paul and i made this appointment back in october, and now it is upon us and jackson is sick. SHIT!!!! our pediatrician this morning encouraged us to reschedule jackson’s appointment if he isn’t showing real improvement by tomorrow, meaning the fever MUST break. i can see her point. she wants to make sure that jackson is feeling as good as possible for the eval otherwise the specialists won’t see a “normal” jackson or a “normal” jackson feeding. i swear, if i have to reschedule this feeding eval though, i am really going to need padded walls in our apartment.
soooooooooooooo all of this got me thinking about “normal” and what exactly that means for everyone, especially those of us who are parents. we got into a conversation over dinner this weekend with my in-laws about this— wondering where exactly “the norm” comes from, cuz it has to come from somewhere, right? so who decides what milestones should be met by a certain age… what foods should be introduced when… what a “normal” life/existence with a baby should be like??? who decides this??? because, honestly, i want to meet that person and kick them in the teeth.
NOTHING about my life as a parent is “normal,” absolutely nothing. there is no routine, no guarentees, no schedule. my life as a parent to a 9 month old can best be paralleled to someone who is a parent to a 9 day old. last night jackson cried, nay screamed, from 7:10 (when he took his last bottle before bed) until 10 pm. screamed. he had been fed, had a dry diaper, the fever was at its lowest that it’s been in days, he had all of his medicine, he was exhausted beyond belief having been so sick… yet he took it upon himself to scream for nearly 3 hours last night. paul never saw the super bowl. i never got a break to read. the people who live below us probably came close to calling child protective services. we took shifts rocking and coddling jackson until i drew the boundary at 8:45 and said “no more.” at that time, i had been awake since about 3 in the morning with jackson, could hardly see straight, and my nerves were shot. seriously, this is what i told paul last night at 8:45 while i was shaking with anger and exhaustion… “it is dangerous for me to go back in there.” and i meant it. i mean C’MON!!!! give us a break!!!! he’s friggin 9 months old. yes, i know he’s sick. yes, i know he’s had it rough from the get-go…. but damnit, so have i.
what is “normal” about this situation i just described? what is “normal” at all? a 9 month old who prefers to scoot and pull himself up to walk instead of crawling? i dunno… maybe… is “normal” a child who was allergic to his mother’s breast milk? totally doesn’t sound “normal,” but what do i know. is it “normal” that there are still days when i don’t shower because i have been occupied with jackson from sun-up til sun-down? is it “normal” that my 9 month old has more doctors than i have had in my 27 years of life?
and if this “normal” really isn’t such a big deal, if we’re all just supposed to take things as they come, and have this philosophy of “what happens, happens…” then why, oh why does everyone make “normal” such a big damn deal?