i didn’t enjoy reading until i was in college. in fact, my mom will probably tell you that i didn’t read until i was in college in order to stress how much i disliked it. (funny that i ended up with a degree in english…)

anyway, either jackson really likes to read, which is why i am catching him doing this…

and this…

or, he just likes the “touch and feel” books that allow him to scratch velcro hedgehogs…

i’ll let you be the judge.

and if you like jackson’s yellow ducky pjs as much as his auntie amy and uncle steveo did when they hung out with us this weekend, you’re unfortunately out of luck. my mom got them for jackson at a church consignment sale. but, if you are indeed the mother who turned these yellow ducky pjs in to the sale, thank you for clothing my child.

as if yesterday wasn’t awesome enough, today our precious red turns 3 years old. red is (and always will be) my first baby…

you dog-lovers understand. your animal comes into your life and into your heart, and you’re never the same.

at the beginning, it was just red and i. paul had chosen red from the litter… or maybe it was red that chose paul. i dunno. but three days later, paul left for japan and i was alone with my first dog.

red and i have been through a lot together… within the first few weeks him being home with us, he got really sick, and i learned from the vet that red’s heart was too big for his body and working too hard. i remember thinking to myself, “my dog has a heart condition? WTF?!?” i called paul in japan, sobbing… i mean, SOBBING because this dog had already stolen my heart and here i was now worried about his. (ps- he’s fine now. he has grown into his abnormally large heart, though his behavior says otherwise…)

the last 3 years with red have brought about some serious changes in my life… and having him by my side through it all has made it one wild ride. i wouldn’t give up a moment of his butt-licking, spastic-jumping, tail-wagging, protective-growling for anything in the world.

happy birthday red! we love you!

about 6-7 years ago i went to a dave matthews concert with paul and a wonderful friend of our’s, patrick. keep in mind paul is 6 ft 6 and patrick is about the same. when paul and patrick go anywhere together, people watch them. people turn. people stare. and then i (and patrick’s wife, amber) watch as the people staring sort through in their minds whether or not they should ask paul and patrick for their autograph, wondering if they are famous athletes.

**********

one time, paul and patrick went to pick up patrick’s dog (a long-haired chihuahua) from the vet. together. they had been out grabbing a sandwich or something, and patrick realized he needed to get the dog from the vet. but they both go in to get the dog. together. picture that. two enormous 25 year old men walking out of a vet with a teeny long-haired chihuahua. they still laugh at themselves for walking out of the vet that day looking like two of the biggest gay athletes that ever existed.

**********

so… the three of us are at the dave matthew’s concert (circa 2002), 1/2 drunk like most everyone who goes to a dave matthew’s concert and sits out on the lawn. the show is great, and then it gets to the encore… the encore… the part of the concert i have been waiting for. because i know what he’s going to play. and my heart breaks as the song begins.

the guitar strums, the bass joins, and all is lost. the tears are streaming down my face, and i am lost in the moment.

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
Were climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue,
These things we cannot change

**********

one of my brother’s childhood friends died a little over 8 years ago of a brain aneurysm. he was 16 years old. he was the biggest dmb fan i have ever known, to this day. and “two step” was his favorite dave song. i can’t listen to that song without crying my eyes out (and i know those of you reading this who knew pat and love him still feel the same).

jackson took 4 steps today. 4. and they were awesome. he has been toddling here and there for a while now, but this was different. these 4 steps were unassisted. all him.

and i thought of the refrain to dave matthew’s “two step” this afternoon, as i have reflected on my son’s accomplishment for the day. and i’m celebrating…

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
Were climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue,
These things we cannot change

in support of other superb mommybloggers out there, i’m giving girl talk thursday a shot (pun intended). sponsored by the lovely mommy melee.

i’ll let her give ya the skinny…

What is Girl Talk Thursday? It’s a chance to gossip and giggle, to speculate, to say bad words, to down a Margarita or rant (or rave) about your sex life. Even if weekly happy hours are an event from your former life, you can still take time to connect with your bloggy sisters. Grab the salt, a slice of lime, lick (your friend) your wrist, and go.

this week the talk is “twilight.” love it? despise it? don’t even know what it is?

ummm… for me, i can’t say i’m a fan. ok, honestly, i can’t even say that i really get it even because i totally don’t. being a former middle school english teacher, i’m usually down with “whatever the kids are reading these days” (geez, did i just say that?) but i just don’t get it. apparently it’s pretty spectacular though and author, stephenie meyer should keep on keepin’ on with the series.

so cheers to her! (whatever… gives me reason for a cocktail.)

It’s great to be able to say that Jackson is eating well. That should definitely be noted, because he is; he’s eating like a champ. Not putting any weight on (because he’s too much of a busy-body) but eating very well, nonetheless.

To reference the superb children’s author, Sandra Boynton, I title this post “one nap, two naps, no naps… OOPS,” honoring her brilliant, Blue Hat, Green Hat, because her book(s) are that good.

I digress… Jackson’s naps suck. I don’t know if there’s some sort of anti-napping-growth-spurt that babies hit right before they turn 1, but if there is, Jackson’s hit that. If that doesn’t exist, then I throw my hands in the air because I don’t know why the hell my kid won’t nap. He’s wears himself out, that’s for sure. He “should” (ugh, that word again) be sleepy and nap… but he doesn’t.

So, I decided to consult others on the topic of naps, or not napping, rather.

“When do your girls nap?” I ask my french press coffee friend, amongst other parents who have bright-eyed, non-exhausted little one(s) running about on the playground.

And most people have a definitive answer to this question… they have some sort of schedule/routine/something that they go by. I don’t. Jackson is 11 months old, and I have no routine. Never did. Never will (?)

I remember my friend Sarah telling me, when she had her (now 3 year old) daughter, Lily, that if she didn’t establish a routine, she would lose her mind. And, here I am, 3 years later… So when Jackson was brand-new, I called Sarah remembering her predicament those years ago… I was (am) losing my mind, desperate for a routine, searching for something to grasp hold of.

I still haven’t found “it,” the niche, the sacred holy grail when it comes to taking care of one’s spawn. WTF?! I still have no routine. Nothing to bank on. I do not know what waits for me around the next corner, so to speak. I still do not know what to expect. I still know nothing. NOTHING.

So what’s up with these naps??? Because “supposedly” one gets to the point where one’s child takes ONE nap a day… and in the words of my mother, “it’s one major nap, like, out for the whole afternoon.”

My eyes widen to think, nay imagine, the possibility…

If this is true, this whole “one major nap” thing, then I have a few more months to go… assuming that Jackson goes along with “the norm,” which he has never done.

So, three months from now, when Jackson hits this 14 month marker, I’m coming back to you people… I’m coming back, and handing my no-napping magoo over to you and saying, “Here. You try.”

March 24-25, 2009

I’m torn writing this post. I am selfish in the sense that I have completely 100% savored the weekend that I have just had with Paul and Jackson. Sunday we celebrated Jackson’s 11 month birthday in downtown Annapolis, watching the boats pull up into “ego alley” and seeing kids feed the ducks. Jackson snacked on an ice cream cone as Paul and I watched him in amazement… this time next month he will be 1…

And as I read Matt Logelin’s post “and we’re off” that contains an exquisite video of his precious daughter, Madeline, I am overwhelmed with sadness for him. This week he will celebrate his daughter’s 1st birthday on the 24th, and shortly after, the 25th will mark the 1st anniversary of his wife’s death.

What do you do with that? How does one celebrate and grieve at the same time? How is the human body capable of both containing and releasing such raw emotions?

I have followed Matt’s story for months now. I link to his blog and the foundation that he has started in memory of his beautiful wife, Liz. I am proud to watch Matt via blog on his travels, taking his sweet daughter here, there, and everywhere, recording every bit of their excursions. I am proud to read about how he has embraced fatherhood in the midst of his own horrific demons.

And tonight, Sunday night, I find myself alone at the computer, lights turned off, Jackson asleep, Paul getting ready for bed… and I find myself anticipating the week ahead for Matt. For this magnificent father, this magnificent man… who will endure both sheer delight and sheer pain in the span of 27 hours all over again.

I just ask that whatever readers I have out there, please just think of them this week. Even if you don’t link to their site, read their story, check out the foundation (I know we all lead busy lives of our own)… just think of them this week. This is a good man, a good family. He needs good thoughts coming his way right now.