i have been purposely delaying this post, putting it off and busying myself with other tasks, other writings, cute videos of jackson… not wanting to “go there,” and yet here i am.

jackson had his 1 year check up last friday, and i’m now just posting about it. he had his vaccines, his “wellness” exam, met his milestones… and was weighed.

current magoo weight: 21.2 lbs.
current magoo height: 31 and 1/4 in.
current magoo head circ: 48 cm.

percentile-wise, he’s ok… his friggin meat-head (thanks to paul) is in the 95th percentile. his height is in the 85th… his weight is in the 30th… and that’s when i hang my head and let out a low, groveling sigh.

for the last 3 months, we have intentionally not weighed jackson. paul and i worked hard to remove ourselves from the mentality that we were in for so long, of tracking everything, recording everything, monitoring everything. so we just didn’t do it. each month, of the last three, would pass and we wouldn’t do it. at his 9 month check-up, jackson weighed 19 and 3/4 lbs. and here we are 3 full months later…

it’s not so much that i’m discouraged right now. i’ve been there and done that. it’s just that i would almost rather not know. ya know?

i see my son every day. i see how successful his feedings are now. i see him eat spaghetti and chicken and sweet potatoes and chips and salsa… drink from a cup with a straw… and do absolutely anything for goldfish. and on top of that, he still takes 4 bottles a day with 6 oz of formula. he’s eating more now than he ever has.

and we’re “supposed to” start weaning jackson from the bottle because now he’s 1 year old.

yeah, right! like that’s goina happen! are you kidding me?! i just got him to friggin start taking a bottle! i don’t care if he’s 30-something, getting married, and his bride walks down the aisle to him and he has a ring in one hand and a baby bottle in the other… i’m NOT taking that away right now. suck it, doctors!

i digress…

to think of the days i spent on the computer and phone simultaneously, searching for pediatric feeding programs, filing paperwork with the navy, begging, pleading, and forcing our son to eat… i see that we have come so far.

but damnit, i hate knowing the weight… the number… the truth.

so i justify things to myself in my head. i tell myself “he’s really active and just can’t keep weight on.” which is true (?) he is all over the place, especially now that he’s walking. he can’t sit still to save his own life. paul and i can barely get him to stay in his highchair long enough to take a full meal before he’s squealing to get out and go play.

i mean, hell, i’ve lost weight just trying to keep up with him. (BONUS!)

we’re not worried… we’re not. i’m just updating everyone because people ask. you guys have gone through this with us as you have read our blog. you have been with us at the hospital. both times. you have been with us at jackson’s feeding therapy sessions. and you have been with us when we have been at our wits end.

and so the journey continues… we have a healthy, happy baby boy. long and lean. he rocks my world, and everything in it.

***i debated whether or not to turn off the ability for you guys to comment on this post, just because i don’t want the “oh, he’s fine, my child weighs bla bla bla….” type of stuff. but whatthehell… bring it on!***

with jackson now walking, paul and i are learning to baby-proof our apartment, allowing jackson more (safe) space to play in. furniture has been moved… coffee tables have been “cushioned” around the edges… we have entered toddler-land.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to those of you who have responded to my dire and desperate plea for more donations. each time i see an email that says i have received a donation in maddie’s honor, i get choked up.

for some reason, march of dimes is not as tech-savvy as i would like them to be and not all of the generous donations i have received are being posted on the widget i have in my right-hand sidebar. fear not, your money has been received… just in two different places. since i am captaining this team (i don’t think “captaining” is a word, but if it is my father-in-law would know) some donations have gone under my name, and some under the team name “My Bottle’s Up for Maddie.”

regardless of where you placed your donation, we got it all. so though the sidebar says $250 what it means to say is “NIC- YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ROCK AND YOU HAVE RAISED $475.”

we have only a few days left until we walk for maddie this weekend in baltimore. if you’re in the area and want to join us, here’s our team page we would love to see you!

thank you again, from the bottom of my heart… and from the bottom of maddie’s parent’s hearts. heather and mike both walked in LA this past weekend. there was a walk in tampa as well. this weekend when paul, jackson, and i walk, there will be one in seattle too.

the blogging community as a whole is something that continues to grow in awesome ways and truly restores my faith in humanity.

if you haven’t yet seen heather’s speech she gave before the walk, check it out. then you’ll know why “My Bottle’s Up for Maddie” this coming weekend.

***UPDATE**** WE HAVE RAISED $800 SINCE THIS LAST POST WAS MADE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK!!! THANK YOU!!! OUR GOAL IS TO HIT $1000 BY SUNDAY. THANK YOU FOR HONORING MADDIE AND HER FAMILY.

i’m wiped, man. absolutely wiped. i’m running on fumes right now, and those fumes smell like jackson’s poopy diapers after he has eaten spaghetti.

(yeah, did ya get that? deelish!)

i’m going to rant for a bit here, because damnit, this is my blog and it’s what i need to do right now… so if you don’t want to hear my bitching and moaning, STOP READING.

the muscles in my back and legs burn to the point of numbness. last weekend, for jackson’s birthday party, i watched my dad and brother haul arm-load after arm-load of food, drinks, coolers, high-chairs, decorations, ice, etc… back and forth from our 3rd floor apartment, outside and down the hill behind our apartment, to the pavilion where we all gathered to celebrate. and then at the end of the evening, they hauled it all back up.

they did all of this without one single complaint. a grin on their faces. happy to help. just happy to be a part of the celebration. and at the end of the night, after the clean-up was done (thanks to them) and the rest of the guys all hung out by the keg, and paul went to pee in the trees so he didn’t have to walk up to the apartment, my dad carried the final load of birthday-celebration-stuff up the hill and back in to the apartment with a party hat on his head.

he said “good night” to the ladies, as we sat on a bench with our wine, gave me a smooch on the cheek, put jackson’s party hat on his head, and made the last trek.

i wish i had gotten a picture of it.

so this week, as i have been recooping from the birthday-ing, i have tried to keep that image of my brother and dad in mind.

the party hat. the “happy to help” looks on each of their faces.

but today, it’s hard… it’s friday. just last night, i shaved my legs for the first time in 5 days. i’m not sure if i’ve brushed my teeth yet today (it’s 10:21 am). jackson has decided not to nap today. i’m wiped out.

dad- can i borrow your party hat?

i’m workin’ on it people! i’m workin’ on the pictures from the birthday extravaganza, but my camera is not wanting to be compatible with my laptop at the moment. so keep your pictures comin’ via email and i’ll post/link to what i can until i can figure out my technical situation.

in the meantime, while i’m workin’ on this, jackson is workin’ on his walkin’… and apparently he’s been holding out on us until he officially turned one. now he’s a maniac, testing himself, walking from one “landing spot” to the next.

it’s official. i have a toddler.

(ignore the abundance of snot you’ll see flowing from his nose. the pollen as arrived.)

my most precious one,
today is your day. though all days seem to be your days because the world and everything in it revolves around you, today is your day. you are one year old.

one year ago, this morning, you were brought into this world… into my world… and gosh, you’ve made it so much better than it was before. you have taught me more in the last 365 days than i could’ve ever possibly dreamed. you have challenged me to the point where i have thrown my hands in the air, begged for help, and wondered if i can put one foot in front of the other.

you have loved me.

and today especially, i celebrate you. because you have changed my life. you are one. one. and i am left in awe of you and of that fact.

you are one.

to all of you waiting with bated breath for pictures of the drunken debauchery that took place this weekend, you’re goina have to settle for these… for now. i am uploading, collecting, and viewing literally hundreds of photos from family and friends.

without further adieu… jackson’s 1st birthday party (eh, whatthehell, first keg party) started out like this…

on what was the most glorious saturday afternoon i have seen in annapolis…

continued like this…

and ended with this…

(more pictures to come as i collect and then create an album for you all to view).

our magoo will officially be 1 year old on wednesday. i plan on crying and getting sappy about it at that point in time. until then, i will just talk about how crazy the party was and how proud i am of the keg-stand my son did.

*** update*** thanks to jackson’s auntie amy for this link to some killer cake pictures!