2009 May

Archive for May, 2009

shit

May 15th, 2009 | Author: Nicole

apparently shit really does happen. yesterday i posted about my current mental state, and today… well, let’s just say it hasn’t improved.

granted, we got 10 hours of sleep last night. 1-0… double digits my friends. YES! much needed, much appreciated, uninterrupted snooze-time. it was fantastic. i had been so friggin tired yesterday that by the time 7:30 rolled around, i looked at paul and said, “in 30 minutes, i will be in bed. i may still be working, but i will be horizontal.”

so that’s what i did. i took my little pinot with me (the mac book, not the wine) and got under the covers. that lasted for all of 20 minutes. a little “i miss you” phone call with my mom took place, because now that i have a child, leaving my mother cannot happen without tears-a-plenty.

i miss her like the deserts miss the rain because i now know that not only does she miss me when i leave, but she misses my child… and i miss my child during the short amount of time that he sleeps, so i can only imagine how she feels when we go to the airport.

so back to the shit… my kooky self woke up this morning to a steamy mug of coffee on my nightstand thanks to paul who was taking care of the magoo. paul feeds him his morning bottle, walks out into the hallway and from our bedroom at the back of the apartment the following conversation takes place between us…

paul: “OH. MY. GOD.”

me: “what? is jackson puking?”

paul: “THE. DOG. SHIT. EVERYWHERE.”

me: “WHAT?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?”

paul: “i shit you not.”

i leave my mug of joe on the nightstand, rub the crusts out of my eyes, and step out into the hallway. what was the delicious aroma of a steaming cup of coffee is instantly replaced by steaming hot dog shit… in the dining room, on the rug, around the dining room table, trailing into the kitchen, near the refrigerator, and over to the dishwasher.

and this isn’t just “normal” dog shit, my friends. red is an 85 lb labrador. he doesn’t shit normal shits.

last weekend, while i was in atlanta, paul had a recruiting trip in arizona. a friend of his took red for the weekend. he has a lab himself, they would get along, play, whatever. when paul went to pick up red last sunday, his friend said that our dog shits more than any dog he has ever seen.

yeah, we know.

so i take a plastic grocery bag and insert my two hands, because it takes both of them to pick up the shit that our dog expels from his body. paul and i then proceed to disinfect both the dining room, the kitchen, and the spaces between, knowing that jackson’s new favorite place to play is under the dining room table.

our dining room chairs are now laid horizontal on the floor in the hopes of blocking jackson from playing in his new favorite spot. the kitchen has been gated off, and we are trying to air-out our apartment of the current shit odor that it now possesses.

awesome.

i can’t blame the dog. poor red had to go… and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

i guess that’s the price you pay when you get 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep… shit really does happen.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: crazy dogs, insanity, shit |

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a lil kooky

May 14th, 2009 | Author: Nicole

anytime paul leaves to go anywhere, whether he has left the country on deployment or just gone downtown to a concert, his mother has told him to “watch out for the kooks.” always. it never fails. she still does it to this day.

and i giggle to myself each time she does it… because i am the kook.

i love my mother-in-law; and it has just recently come to my attention that she doesn’t realize that i am the kook in paul’s life. (all hell will break loose when she reads this post.)

yup. me. i’m the kook.

and on days like today, when i am beat-down-exhausted after spending a week of awesomeness in atlanta… seeing family, meeting friends, celebrating my brother’s college graduation, my birthday, and mother’s day with my gramma (talk about a KOOK)… i get a little “wack-a-doo,” to borrow a brilliant phrase from a favorite college professor.

i digress…

i’ve searched my apartment for my friggin camera chord to upload awesome photos from my last week and write this spectacular post about multiple celebrations, la, la, la… (and don’t get me wrong, that post will come in due time), but i can’t find my f-ing chord. the chord is needed, and i can’t find it. i know i packed it because i put it with my phone charger chord, my mac book chord, and all the other gadgetry chords i needed… i know i did.

didn’t i?

but instead, today i write a kooky post about nothing. i say kooky things that make people spit out their water at their computer desk because they read my facebook page where i discuss the migraine that jackson’s screams are inducing in my head. i get comments and thank yous for reversing people’s biological clocks, and respond with kooky banter about how hanging out at our house while jackson is getting molars is a more effective form of birth control than the pill.

so you’ll just have to excuse me today… cuz i’m a lil kooky. my wonderful husband cleaned our apartment before jackson and i arrived home yesterday and now it’s a mess of toys, cheez its, sippy cups, laundry… an unmade bed (my pet peeve) and all.

shit, did i even brush my teeth today?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: celebrating, insanity, migraines, parenting, traveling with a baby |

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feed me more!

May 11th, 2009 | Author: Nicole

good morning from atlanta! i’m briefly posting this from my parent’s house, as my mom and i are attempting to introduce more foods and “beef up” the magoo… jackson is getting his 1st year molars right now, and is not interested in eating much of anything. feeding him has been a struggle, which then leads to middle-of-the-night bottle feeds because he’s up and hungry.

(ugh! it SUCKS being up in the night to feed a friggin 1 year old… who does that?!)

anyway, 2 weeks ago i posted about this topic and got some terrific responses via comments and email. thank you so much for the input you shared, and thank you also to those of you who said “shit, i don’t know what to do either…”

so here’s a blog post i found that i’m going to check out and use as a guide with jackson, and i would encourage you to do the same (unless of course you have a child who eats… in which case, pay no attention to me).

thank you to the mom who writes this blog and posted this “sample one day menu for a one year old.” this helps me in more ways than you can imagine!

in other news, jackson and i head back to annapolis on wednesday and i’ll resume regular blogging at that time. awesome things have been happening for My Bottle’s Up! including a new design which will be relaunched (hopefully) in the very near future… stay tuned!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: feeding updates, parenting, thank you |

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once you’re a parent…

May 5th, 2009 | Author: Nicole

Once you’re a parent, you’re always a parent. You can’t hide it under a hat. You can’t put it away in a drawer, or place it in a closet.

A child sitting at a nearby table at a local restaurant leans too far back in her chair, and you gasp to yourself, afraid she’ll fall. Put your hand to your chest, “oh gosh!”

She’s not your child.

But you’re a parent… forever.

Once you become one…

You. Are. Always. A. Parent.

This realization has hit me with full–force. A brick wall. Unstoppable and unbreakable.

Spending the morning of my birthday walking for March of Dimes, but more importantly, walking for Maddie was just what I needed, as a parent.

I’m not a big “birthday person” but apparently Maddie’s mom, Heather, is because the night before the walk she left me this message on twitter…

@MyBottlesUp: You’re walking tomorrow for Maddie AND it’s your birthday? I am so, so touched. Birthdays mean a lot to me. Thank you SO much.

This message that Heather sent me has resonated with me for days… the fact that she took the time to say this, to express this to someone else, a stranger/friend, when she and her husband, Mike, are grieving, going through their own tragedy, astounds me.

And I haven’t been able to write about it, until now.

When I fathom what their days have been like since their precious Maddie’s passing, I am at a loss… I can’t do it. My mind comes up with images of meals being dropped off, friends stopping in for hugs, roller-coasters of tears and laughter as they remember and reminisce, and make their own mark…

What do you say?

What do you do?

It has taken me days to attempt a blog post for something like this. I don’t even “know” them, in the traditional sense that one “knows” someone.

I have posted pictures on Maddie’s Flikr link. I have made it known to everyone who needs to be told that we showed up, our team made it, here’s what we raised, etc…

Our team never fully met up. Some of us met in the parking lot, under bridges, hiding from the rain. Some of us called each other’s cell phones, wanting desperately to catch up to the other person, but falling short. Timing was just off. But that didn’t matter.

We are parents.

We were there for Maddie, for Heather, for Mike… for the Spohr Family as a whole. Friends and family alike. We were there for the teams around the country that have united for this family in grief, collecting pictures, remembering, and making new memories.

We are united.

And that’s what children do… bring people together… show and experience unconditional love… without fear, without judgment.

When you’re a parent, you watch your child(ren) teach. Teach themselves, teach you, teach other kids, other people… teach adults. In my 1 year of experience as a parent, I have been taught that these “things” are things one should already know, like how to share, or how to say “please” or “thank you” but once you’re an adult, those things often get forgotten.

The good gets left behind so easily for the convenient.

Maddie’s smile, whenever I see it, reminds me of the goodness in all of us.

That was why I walked.

I walked for her smile. And while I struggled to celebrate, continuing to fathom the pain that Heather and Mike are enduring on a daily basis… I tried, (Maddie, I tried!) really hard to celebrate being a parent!

Because, apparently, you made a ton of people smile with your smile, and laugh with your laugh.

And how great it is to be a parent to a child like that…

Heather, Mike, you did that. Because, when you’re a parent, that’s just what you do… the very best that you can. And you will always be parents.

Always.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: beauty, birthdays, grief, maddie, march of dimes, parenting, thinking of others |

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feed me

May 4th, 2009 | Author: Nicole

not yet ready to write about yesterday’s walk for maddie, i sit at my new mac book (paul’s birthday gift to me, hell yea!) and ponder what to post…

i’m asking moms on twitter what they feed their 1+ year olds and how often. here’s why… now that jackson has turned 1 and we’re “supposed to” be saying buh-bye to the bottle (which should be something you would think i would want to celebrate), i find myself not knowing what to feed him. i feel like he is at this strange stage in eating where he’s over the whole jar-food thing, but still learning the concept of table foods.

and then there’s snacks, which baffle me entirely. we’ve never had the luxury of giving jackson snacks because we’ve always been told by his specialists to have him on a strict feeding schedule so that he’s hungry enough to get the bottles in. back in the day, the bottle and its contents were the focus (side note: good grief, how far we have come!) needless to say, jackson hasn’t been the snacking-type, until paul’s cousin introduced jackson to goldfish a couple months back, and opened all our eyes to the glory that snacking can bring. thank you, heather!

so, once one has a 1 year old, a toddler, a little person who is no longer a “baby,” what do you feed them? and when? how much? and how often? do you prepare your own foods? do you purchase prepared foods? how long did you do jar-foods (if you did them at all)? how did you end your child’s relationship with the bottle? do you look for calorie-content (cuz your kid is a string bean, like mine) or nutritional value (making sure the best of ingredients are listed on the label)???

i could go on and on with the questions that i have about feeding our magoo. and yes, we have asked our pediatrician, who has given good insight… but i’d rather hear the real advice from the stay-at-home parents themselves. call me crazy.

please, share with me what you feed your child. answer every last one of those obnoxious and overly-analytical questions i have listed above in a comment or email to me. because there seems to always be somethin’ ya know? once you get a handle of one thing, somethin’ else happens and you need to be ready to adjust again.

i need help adjusting to toddler-hood. i just got used to having a baby.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: feeding updates, frustration, help, parenting |

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for maddie… in pictures

May 3rd, 2009 | Author: Nicole

i don’t have words right now. i have pictures to offer in lieu of words. i will write when i am ready. but for now… for heather… for mike… for maddie… i offer these..

the only words i do have are yes, that is the poopy diaper we had to change pre-walk, in the backseat of the car. and yes, paul left it on top of the car during the walk, so that post-walk it was still there, waiting to be disposed of. and finally, yes, these are the only words i have right now because when i’m feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, the first thing that comes to mind is “shit.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: birthdays, maddie, march of dimes, thinking of others |

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2 days left… $200 to go!!!

May 1st, 2009 | Author: Nicole

this is my FINAL plea… “My Bottle’s Up for Maddie” is at $800!!!

WOOHOO AND YEA YEA!!!!

2 days left until the walk… i want $200. i want $1,000 by sunday, people!!!

MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!

for updates on how heather and mike spohr are coping these days, check out their blog...

as for us, we received our Maddie t-shirts yesterday from Meghan. i opened the box she had shipped to us from the west coast, knowing what i would see when i opened it…

this is what stared me back in the face. and as the tears came, so did a smile, because i know, i know, that sunday will be filled with more tears and more smiles.

i can’t wait for my birthday… and to share it with this precious girl.

DONATE!!! thanks.

*UPDATE: we are already at $850!!!*

**12:30 pm WE HIT $875!!!**

***4:02 pm WE ARE AT $955!!!***

****MAY 2nd 8:15 am WE HIT $1020****

THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: birthdays, maddie, march of dimes, thank you |

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