shit
apparently shit really does happen. yesterday i posted about my current mental state, and today… well, let’s just say it hasn’t improved.
granted, we got 10 hours of sleep last night. 1-0… double digits my friends. YES! much needed, much appreciated, uninterrupted snooze-time. it was fantastic. i had been so friggin tired yesterday that by the time 7:30 rolled around, i looked at paul and said, “in 30 minutes, i will be in bed. i may still be working, but i will be horizontal.”
so that’s what i did. i took my little pinot with me (the mac book, not the wine) and got under the covers. that lasted for all of 20 minutes. a little “i miss you” phone call with my mom took place, because now that i have a child, leaving my mother cannot happen without tears-a-plenty.
i miss her like the deserts miss the rain because i now know that not only does she miss me when i leave, but she misses my child… and i miss my child during the short amount of time that he sleeps, so i can only imagine how she feels when we go to the airport.
so back to the shit… my kooky self woke up this morning to a steamy mug of coffee on my nightstand thanks to paul who was taking care of the magoo. paul feeds him his morning bottle, walks out into the hallway and from our bedroom at the back of the apartment the following conversation takes place between us…
paul: “OH. MY. GOD.”
me: “what? is jackson puking?”
paul: “THE. DOG. SHIT. EVERYWHERE.”
me: “WHAT?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?”
paul: “i shit you not.”
i leave my mug of joe on the nightstand, rub the crusts out of my eyes, and step out into the hallway. what was the delicious aroma of a steaming cup of coffee is instantly replaced by steaming hot dog shit… in the dining room, on the rug, around the dining room table, trailing into the kitchen, near the refrigerator, and over to the dishwasher.
and this isn’t just “normal” dog shit, my friends. red is an 85 lb labrador. he doesn’t shit normal shits.
last weekend, while i was in atlanta, paul had a recruiting trip in arizona. a friend of his took red for the weekend. he has a lab himself, they would get along, play, whatever. when paul went to pick up red last sunday, his friend said that our dog shits more than any dog he has ever seen.
yeah, we know.
so i take a plastic grocery bag and insert my two hands, because it takes both of them to pick up the shit that our dog expels from his body. paul and i then proceed to disinfect both the dining room, the kitchen, and the spaces between, knowing that jackson’s new favorite place to play is under the dining room table.
our dining room chairs are now laid horizontal on the floor in the hopes of blocking jackson from playing in his new favorite spot. the kitchen has been gated off, and we are trying to air-out our apartment of the current shit odor that it now possesses.
awesome.
i can’t blame the dog. poor red had to go… and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
i guess that’s the price you pay when you get 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep… shit really does happen.
0 Responses to shit
Have a Sip
Ya – that’s pretty shitty!
Oh shit, I was dry heaving through that whole post.
I could smell it as I read!
Have been there. We have a lab, and until last June also had a second large dog (ridgeback mix) who was getting on in years. Before we finally had to put him down he’d pretty much lost control of his bowels. We’d find little bits of turd pretty much every day. Thankfully it wasn’t the fullblown shitfest you describe. THAT only happened when we forgot to close the kids’ room and the dog decimated the diaper genie. Good times.
10 Hours of sleep????
Oh my… I can relate. I awoke to a real mess when our dog was sick; from both ends… thank the gods she is a small dog. But still. Poor thing.
Ah, the pleasures of pet ownership, eh?
Happy Blog Hopping Day!
Eew. Hope things smell better over there now.
Bloghopping!
Suck! But you’re drinking and bloghopping yes? So perhaps you’re improving?
NICOLE.
I ADORE YOU.
<3
every stinking morning, my husband takes the dog out to do her business, before he leaves for work. and every stinking morning, after i get back from dropping my son off at preschool…and it almost never fails…the dog takes the smelliest, grossest shits in the living room. all i can say is, thankfully…no carpet!
happy bloghopping!!
i’m glad you stopped by. i love your blog, too!!
Oh good Lord, that’s effin’ shitty!
ah yes… well… what i (purposely) did not update was that my son, our 1 year old, ate part of my chicken burrito last night for dinner… and you can all just imagine how fabulous that diaper was this afternoon, after my morning of dog shit that i had endured.
cheers to shit!
I can’t even imagine 10 hours of sleep. And thanks for the gag-fest. Happy blog hopping.
Shitty way to start the day. Happy bloghopping!
Ugh, good thing you got that extra sleep in for the energy to deal with all that!!!
Bloghoppin’ … cheers…
Nothing like a good shit story to kick off a night of drinkin and bloggin! Hoppin blogs – hope you had fun.
-buzzeedad
Shit happens!
Bloghoppers!
Shitty indeed. But I bet it was SO worth it ….
MORE BLGO HOPPING
That was fucking gross but this dog and I seem to have a lot in common. May I suggest doggie pullups? Not sure if there is such a thing but I would be willing to develop and test a prototype in order to help you preserve your precious 10 HRS…