enough with the “aw, what a beautiful family” comments on our 4th of july pics.  we all know it’s not all smiles and parades with puppies and coordinating outfits all the time.  thank you for your sweet words, but enough already.  you’re making me vomit… but i love you for it.

the last few days with the magoo have been TOUGH to say the least.  my twitter mom friends have gotten me through it and i thank you all from the deepest cavern in my heart because you know and you understand.  and you encourage me, you stabilize me, you help me when i need help instantly.  ps- thanks to you too twitter.

paul and i have been wrestling with weaning jackson from his bottle for a while now.  a couple of months back, i posted about this, multiple times, wanting help/advice/comfort/sanity while somewhat touching on the subject, but not delving into the depths of what it means to truly say “peace out bottle.  i need you no more.”

today….  TODAY i packed up the bottles.  they are gone.  and it’s weird…  and i’m emotional about this in a way that i did not anticipate.  as you recall, jackson recently started enjoying his bottles.  which of course means that i FINALLY started enjoying giving him his bottles.  it was our time.  our sweet time…

curtains drawn, sound machine raining in the background, our little comfort cave…

and today i said, “enough, let’s get down to business.”  and here’s the business folks…  the bottles that jackson has been chugging, much like his uncle huge chugs beer, has been hindering his meals.  jackson is fulfilled in his bottle feeds and uninterested in his meals, whether it be breakfast, lunch, or dinner…  he knows in the back of his mind that come time to sleep (whether it’s a nap or bedtime) he’s got a nice warm bottle waiting for him to fill his little magoo belly.

the manipulative little shit.

so the last two days have SUCKED.  jackson has been up in the night because not only is he fighting hunger, but his 4th and final 1st year molar is breaking through the skin as i type.  it’s awful to watch, folks.  these suckers are HUGE.  and i hurt for him because he’s in pain and we do all we can…  but the damn thing just won’t break through entirely yet.  it’s a waiting game.

but i’m all business now…  (til i break down and cry in my closet, by myself, feeling like a failure of a mother yet again for depriving my child).  i’m stickin to it.  we’re done with the “ba ba.”  and hell, we should be…  we never liked it in the first place for cryin out loud!!!

so yeah, i’m stickin to it.  please encourage me.  please hold me to it and keep me strong.  i need my blogosphere community right now because i am so at the brink of giving in to my child, but i know this is what is best.

do i?

this feels very bitter-sweet to me as i watch our magoo go from being a baby… to a little person.  and watching this growth take place, while it’s amazing… it’s sad.  ironically enough, now the bottle is hurting him more than it’s helping him.

right now, it’s sad.

jackson is becoming a little boy.  and he’s all about it… which keeps me smiling.  he is so proud of himself.  it’s just ridiculous.  he claps when he feeds himself with his spoon.  he claps when he drinks from a cup.  he claps when he dances because paul and i are clapping for him to dance.

he’s becoming a person.  he’s not my baby anymore.

***ADDED AFTER PUBLISHING***  this entire cold-turkey wean came on from a major puke episode yesterday morning.  paul and i knew that we would not be giving jackson a bottle of milk for the remainder of the day, and thus we found ourselves ready to take advantage of the puke-situation and say no more ba ba.