tmhmm- bewbies vs. bottles
so, for those of you who are still with me let’s get down to the nitty gritty of this book review… the bewbies vs. the bottle, also known as chapter 3. if you are familiar with my story and the magoo’s multiple diagnoses from multiple crazy-ass “specialists” we saw during the magoo’s first 6 months of life, then you most likely know where i stand on this issue.
however, as both stephanie and sara point out in chapter 3 of The Must-Have Moms Manual, bewbies vs. the bottle is an unfortunate point of contention amongst some moms.
i am not (i repeat not) anti-breast-feeding, not by a long shot. i am however, anti-judgment because some of us just cannot, do not, wish not to breast-feed, for whatever reason, for a plethora of reasons. i am a firm believer in a mother choosing not only what is best for her child, but what is best for her as the child’s mother and primary care-taker/food provider.
(i have found that this concept of addressing the mother’s needs often gets over-looked while everyone oogles over the baby, which is all well and good, but c’mon, let’s love on the one who housed the baby for 9 months too.)
having been a new mother who experienced an immense amount of judgment and criticism and (yes, hate mail) from blog readers during my toughest times with my son (including two hospitalizations), when i reached this part of sara and stephanie’s book, my guard was instantly up.
c’mon, would your’s not be?
quite honestly, in my opinion, the book was exactly what i needed to hear and once again, i wish i heard it before i was in it… ya know, in the shit, in the depths of the worst of the worst where you find yourself yelling at your husband not to go to work and leave you with a screaming, starving baby who is entirely dependent on you when you don’t know what the hell to do.
chapter 3 in the book begins with stephanie outright saying…
“The bottom line on breast-feeding is this:
1) Yes, it definitely is better for your baby for many reasons, but if it just doesn’t work for you, it’s better to feed formula and preserve your sanity.
2) Getting the hang of it doesn’t come naturally, so you’d better make the time to take a class, and be very, very patient with yourself-it may take an entire month of sore nipples and pure determination before you get the knack that’s the part they don’t tell you).”
amen, sistafriend.
amidst paragraphs that discuss everything from breast-feeding in public, to breast pumps, and then weaning your baby from your bewbies… i began to feel the hairs on the back of my neck starting to stand… my defenses were going up as i was reading. i was awaiting the judgment… instead of judgment, i found my second gripe with TMHMM (reminder: first gripe stated yesterday that i didn’t like the word “manual” in the title.)
when it comes to weaning… whether it’s breast or bottle, TMHMM did (what i think) is the ultimate no-no… they said “never.” i am repulsed by the use of that word, because one simply does not know what will work for one mom and what won’t for another. so why on earth would you say “never wean your baby by taking away the breast cold turkey.”
*SOAP-BOX* we (my husband and i) weaned jackson from his bottle (which he came to love only after his 1st birthday) cold turkey recently. we had to. we tried cutting out one bottle at a time… the least noticeable first… leaving the “comfort bottle” as the last bottle. whatever ladies!!! he caught on to that shit immediately!!!
as his first year molars came in, jackson entered a puking cycle and though short-lived, it still sucked. no one likes being bathed in vomit repeatedly. nevertheless, my husband and i knew we would not be giving jackson any more bottles that day unless they contained pedialtyte in order for his system to calm down, his stomach acid to neutralize, etc, etc…
so i looked at paul and said, “screw it. let’s put the bottles away. i’m done with this.”
and we did. we did it cold turkey. jackson had been drinking fine from a sippy cup, straw cup, whatever kind of cup… and while i lived through 4 days of non-stop screaming because he simply wanted the comfort that his “ba-ba”, by day 4 it was over. i had won the battle and the war. and i have not once looked back.
VICTORY WAS MINE!!!!
point being… never say never ladies… never. what works for one may/may not work for the other.
((((stepping off the box))))
moving on… sara addresses bottle-feeding in a very matter of fact sort of way (which is why i completely relate to her more so than stephanie, again, no offense.)
sara begins her bottle-feeding piece by stating the following,
“The bottom line of bottle-feeding:
1) You have the right to feed your baby formula without guilt (i would like to add without judgment but i don’t know if that’s possible in today’s society.)
2) Breast-feeding isn’t right for everyone.”
by addressing the subject that bewbies vs. bottle stirs up so much controversy amongst moms, sara is spot-on with what i have found to be not only an important issue, but a real point of division with moms. and i really wish it wasn’t. we, as women, and as moms have so much information and support to offer one another. there’s no need for the judgment and “controversy,” as sara puts it.
breast-feeding moms hang out with other breast-feeding moms… bottle-feeding moms hang out with other bottle-feeding moms. and sure, there are those few brave souls who bridge the gaps, and i commend you for doing so. i commend sara for tackling this topic head-on in TMHMM (pg. 47 incase you’re wondering.)
and here in lies my favorite sentence in the entire book… and quite possibly my potential reason for leaving my husband and pursuing and illicit affair with sara…
“This kind of divisiveness is exactly what Stephanie and I want to try to change among mothers.” (pg. 47)
BRILLIANT!!! THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT!!!
*****
all right all right all right…. my last bit about the bewbies…
when weaning, “Cabbage: It’s not just for cole slaw.” (pg. 48)…. oh ladies… so true. cabbage saved my life more than any pain-killer or 800 mg ibuprofen could. feel free to consult my post from last year regarding the multitude of cabbage leaves that stuffed my 2-sized too small sports bras which were doubled-up to compress my breasts.
i distinctly remember, after only 5 weeks of nursing jackson, being told by my obgyn (who i love and would totally have an illicit affair with) to do the following when weaning cold turkey…
- purchase multiple sports bras that are at least one size too small.
- begin wearing two sports bras at a time to start compressing your breasts (and make sure your sports bras are lined with breast pads for leakage. DUH!)
- purchase several heads of cabbage. not lettuce. not curly-leafed lettuce… CABBAGE. remove the largest of the leaves, place individual leaves in between two sheets of wet paper towels and layer in refrigerator. leave them there until friggin freezing, or chilled to your desire.
- remove breast pad(s) from sports bra(s) and replace breast pad(s) with cabbage leaves when engorged. (yes, you will leak like hell. just lay in bed with a towel or two underneath you and relish in feeling the pain leaving your body.)
- rinse your body and repeat for 2 weeks… possibly 3.
if you’re not yet sold on the awesomeness of this book and all that it has to offer, stay tuned as i will be discussing more on wednesday (a mother’s identity, SAHM/WAHM, relationship & marriage awesomeness) and then wrapping up my review friday and ANNOUNCING THE WINNER!!!
a few reminders about how to win in this giveaway…
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Have a quick look at the chapter list / excerpts and comment as to which chapter looks most interesting to you. Is there a particular ‘problem’ you’d be looking to solve with the book? Let us know which chapter you’d look in for those answers.
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and once again, make sure you check in with the mother-ship of this project… oh, and feel free to comment below with your own thoughts/experiences regarding the bewbies vs. the bottles. the more insight, the better!
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twice...
Breastfeeding was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I cracked, bled, got infected, got engorged, leaked all over the damn place all the damn time, had too much milk, had not enough milk etc.
My baby couldn’t digest cows milk and if I had milk in my coffee she would cry for hours (took us forever to figure that one out) But I stuck it out for 9 months. When it was over, I felt like I failed for *only* lasting 9 months. How wrong is that?
Now that I’m hormonally sound, and she’s survived two years I have a different perspective. But it would have been nice to forgoe the parental guilt in that department….there are plenty of other reasons for that!
I wish someone would have told me that I was a booby queen for going 9 months and that I wasn’t going to ruin my baby’s life by doing what we needed to do in switching to a bottle at that point when I couldn’t produce enough for her. Ok, sorry for the novel in your comment section….but yeah. You are SO right!
This book looks great! The problem perse that I have is my baby won’t sleep in her crib. Chapter 5 maybe could help. Don’t know for sure. Like you stated above different things work for different moms. Jules will ONLY sleep with me in my bed, no cosleeper, no crib, no swing, no bouncy seat no pack n play, where ever we put it. NOT EVEN in a separator in the my bed. She must be next to me on MY BED. I don’t mind TOO much but my husband sleeps on the couch….so anything that may help her sleep in her co sleeper would be a blessing.
My boy had trouble latching on, but I was a human milk factory (seriously, I would produce like 14 oz in a sitting) so I pumped and fed him breastmilk from a bottle for 5 months.
Whenever we have our next one, I’m conflicted about what to do. Because although I was able to physically provide the sustenance for my kid, I was also a slave to the pump, a reality that slowly chipped away at my sanity.
So it’s almost like bewbie = better for the kid, bottle = better for the mom’s sanity (in my case)…so does that make the bottle the better choice in the end? Sigh.
not to brag, but it totally didn’t even hurt one tiny bit when my milk dried up. then again, chloe never breastfed much…at all. my ta tas swelled up one day, were back to “normal” a few days after.
i guess i’m not a milk machine.
lurves you.
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I completely agree with the breastfeeding non-judgment issue! I was 18 when I had my first, and after he was given a bottle in the hospital he completely and vehemently refused to breastfeed. After two months of bleeding, biting, cracking and crying, I finally gave up and switched to bottles. My second son breastfed because he completely and vehemently refused to take a bottle! I was judged by so many people for not breastfeeding my first, and I’ve been looked at like I’m disgusting for breastfeeding my second. The judgment goes both ways, I think, and I think it is so sad that we as mothers attack other mothers for the way they choose to do things.
I appreciate your honesty and openness about your experience, and I hope one mommy blogger at a time we can come together and reduce the conflict on this (and other) subjects, which of course should be up to each and every mom and her individual needs and abilities!
Love to read your blog, keep writing!
It’s been a busy week, I haven’t gotten back to read the rest of your review! So I’m late to the party but I’d just like to say: amen. I did manage to breastfeed, but not well.
I’m lucky to have supportive friends from all variations of bewb vs bottle, and nobody judged me outright. The most judgement I felt, unfortunately, was from the lactation consultant and NICU nurses.