ok.  day 3 of this…  (phew, i feel like i’m running a friggin marathon.  but the info, the book, the authors are all awesome, so this is well worth it.)

skipping ahead a few chapters (yesterday’s focus was chapter 3, the bewbs vs. the bottle)… i found myself lurving and really relating to chapter 7 “leaving your career.”  umm, more like “leaving your life…” but in a good way, once you find how to balance it all while standing on your head and singing opera and juggling all at the same time.

the beginning of this chapter comes “from sara” (my love, my girl-crush)… who so candidly and eloquently states,

“I’d never worked harder in my life than I did in those first few months of motherhood, yet I’d never felt more devalued.” (pause… let that sink in… reread her brilliance.)

she continues, “American society still places a higher value on paid work than on the work of mothering.”  (again pause… and wait for it…. cuz here’s the clincher…)

“I didn’t know how motherhood would define me.”

CAN I GET AN “AMEN”!?!?!?

for me, the key word in that last sentence is “how” because motherhood itself does not have to define you, unless you want it to.  it can be a part of who you are… a part of your identity.  and The Must-Have Moms Manual addresses that in a very short and sweet run-down of the pros and cons of staying at home:

“PRO: Flexibility”- eh…. i don’t necessarily agree with this one, but i can see their point.  with our magoo and his feeding issues at first, there was very little room for flexibility, and i was judged for that as well….  i direct you to my last “don’t judge assface” post from a few months ago.  but i get it.  you can go here and there, do laundry or not.  you don’t have to ask your boss permission for something, because your boss is your baby and will most likely pee in your face (if he’s a boy, like mine) should you spare a mere mili-second to ask said boss something before replacing his diaper.

“PRO: Guilt-Free Time for Yourself- This has to be one of the best benefits of at-home mothering.  When you go out with the girls or get a date night with your husband, you don’t feel guilty about being away from your children.  You’ve been with them all day!” (pg. 76) eh- i don’t entirely agree with this one either.  i really struggled leaving the magoo, unless it was with someone i knew and trusted most likely a family member (thanks to this ho bag who tainted my view of babysitters.)

and to touch on a couple of CONS, i’m going to pick my faves…

“CON: Isolation- Being a stay-at-home mom can feel quite isolating when you’ve been used to spending weekdays in an office full of adults.” this is correct.  i find that most of my conversations throughout the day consist of “what? who? and blergbue gabadaddda” when they were once intellectually stimulating discussions about robert browning (senior English major geek thesis.)

“CON: Loss of Sense of Self- How much of your identity comes from your work?  How do you feel about the stay-at-home moms you know now?  Will being a stay-at-home mom be satisfying for you?” i have an overwhelming fear of living a passionless existence.  but this fear manifested itself loooong before jackson was born.  i just plain old do not want to live a life that is mundane, ordinary, passionless…  i can honestly say, now i don’t.  my life with my son and husband is full of passion, joy, and is far from ordinary.  but acquiring this lifestyle took time.  (ladies, i wish you had mentioned that here.)  sara- i know you mentioned that overall “change takes time” (pg. 77) but i wish you had gone a little more in depth with that.

at the end of this PRO/CON/mylifeisover is an excellent resource guide “clutter-busting resources” (as it is referred to in the book) which presents itself at the end of each chapter, but i found this one to be exceptional because it gives moms networks, which i have yet to see another mom-related book do.  well done ladies!

*****

so with networking comes blogging (my network of choice) but also “activities for mom and baby” which is addressed in chapter 12. ok, so i skipped through the safety chapter… sue me!

activities for mom AND baby are more difficult to come by than i anticipated.  for some reason, i thought i would give birth to jackson and all of a sudden women with babies would show up at my door with casseroles, chocolate-covered baked goods, and games for us to play together.  we would bond, EAT, share stories of engorgement, and i would find my “forever friends.”

i was so wrong.

FYI: for that reader out there who has that, email me…  cuz i wanna meet your friends.  k, thanks.

the first sentence of this chapter from sara puts it frankly, beautifully, perfectly…  ”When I became a stay-at-home mom, the last thing I wanted to do was stay at home.” (pg. 113)

honestly!!!  i mean you are “supposed to” (enter junk-punch or purple nurple to whoever said that horrific phrase) wait what? 4-6 weeks before you even expose the newborn to any sort of outside or public environment.

i remember going to target when jackson was 4 weeks old… our first family outing.  paul and i filled the diaper bag to the brim with anything we may possibly need.  if jackson were to run a fever, we had the rectal thermometer and infant tylenol suppositories ready!  we were so damn nervous….  BUT I HAD TO GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TMHMM recommends a few groups to join or look into…  eh, if that’s your bag then good for you (and you’re probably not one who subscribes to my blog) cuz that’s just not my gig.  it’s cool if it’s your’s…  more power to ya.  the recommendations are good… but my personal fave is the last one “story time at the public library,” or (as i refer to it) “dancing babies.”  while you sit with your little one in a circle of moms and other little ones, some crazed lady leaps/skips/hops around the circle with bubbles, tissue paper, and basically sprinkles fairy-dust on your head while wearing your child out with an enormous amount of stimulation.

if you want to come home to a good afternoon nap…  attend “dancing babies.”  weekly.

*****

i’m goina end this post on a good note…  in fact, my favorite note…

re: PLAY DATES AND PLAY GROUPS

yeah, get excited.  or not, because it’s always unnerving to be the “newbie” to show up with your kid with too many distracting toys in your diaper bag incase your kid is the kid who just wants his truck but doesn’t realize there are plenty of other toys, kids, things to distract him with…

anyway, like i was saying, get excited…  and here’s why…  my fave page of the book my friends, pg. 118 (bottom corner, highlighted, you can’t miss it.)

“Sara’s Play Group Tip: My local mom friends and I would schedule play group gatherings for late in the afternoon so we could enjoy a much-needed glass of wine together.”

class dismissed.

and again, don’t forget to pop in with heather, our blogging-book-reviewing mothership.

and for the last time…  reminders for how to win, because my final review post will be announcing the winner on friday!!!

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