gift
i had a dream about you once. years ago… soon after you had raped me. i had a dream that i was standing face-to-face with you, on the main street of our college campus.
the entire student body surrounded us. and we all stood outside the bar you took me to. the bar you worked at. the bar where you drugged me.
in my dream, i had a gift for you. as the entire student body circled around the two of us, i presented you with a gift wrapped in white and tied with a black ribbon. i told you to open the gift, in front of everyone.
you did.
you slowly unraveled the ribbon, untaped the tape that surrounded the square box. eventually you opened the box to find your gift. your gift from me that i had been longing to give you for so long.
it was a black t-shirt with the word “RAPIST” in bright white letters across the front of it. it was your size. a perfect fit.
you held the shirt up, not quite understanding the message that it held. and when it was OUT for all to see, i turned and walked away.
**********
you are forever cloaked in disgusting, horrendous, dark, dreary, wretchedness.
you are a rapist.
and i had given a t-shirt to you in my dream.
a gift for you.
as if you hadn’t taken enough from me.
i had a gift for you.
you deserve the label “rapist.”
i earned the label “SURVIVOR.”
i’ve worn that label for 9 years as of today, and will continue to… proudly.
and you will continue to wear your label… your gift.
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twice...
intense…well done…I send you strength…thanks for sharing lady!
Loving you from afar. <3
Bravo.
So eloquent and so strong. I’ve had millions of dreams of facing my own, but never once have I had such a vivid, strong ending. That dream is something I could wake up and be proud of.
amazing.
I love you, Nic. Wear your survival like a badge of honor. I’m so very proud of you.
Thanks for sharing your story. You are a wonderfully strong person.
Good for you fighting back and making your stand. He will always be looking at a rapist in the mirror no matter what.
If you want I will find him and spray paint it on his car…cuz I love you. xoxo
Nic, I feel your strength building with each entry you post. What wonderful therapy for you, while helping others cope with fear they might not yet have spoken aloud. Your gift to them is you and what a wonderful gift you are…
Wow Nic – this is incredibly powerful. You are a true survivor and he is not worth anything but the label rapist, lowlife rapist. You are worthy of love and respect. He is not.
Peace friend. I am thinking of you.
Hugs,
Tricia x
Good for you. You are a survivor, you are strong, you are amazing. I hope your story reaches someone struggling to find their survivor label and helps them get there.
Love and hugs.
That is awesome! I have only dreamed of shooting him!!
That just gave me chills! Your label of survivor is helping others in similiar situations. You are a strong woman!!
Beautiful and powerful. You give me chills. You are an amazing woman.
9 years down. 9 more to go. and another 9 after that. and that. and that.
i have not been raped. i have imagined the “during.” i cannot imagine the aftermath.
fighting your fight – against demons and memories – is exhausting. but you have found a place. the internet exists because of people like you and FOR people like you. and i know that what you do here is of benefit to so many others. people who have survived things that i hope i will never know. and that is what sets you apart, and one of the reasons that it must be so difficult. you don’t wish your horrors on anyone, but in doing that you accept that no one will ever truly know the mind that you live in, the body that still feels, the ache.
early sunday morning blabbery.
in short: you are strong. with sexy hair.
You are a survivor. And I love you.
you want i should craft one up for him & send it to him?
cause i would.
bastard.
love love love you
What a powerful dream, and you’ve got such a strong perspective about your past. I hate that guy and I adore you.
I am hardly an expert on dreams but in my humble estimation, the fact that you had a dream about giving a gift (however symbolic) to someone who has taken so much from you is a sign of your deep goodness and generosity and vitality. I also find it poetic that the gift you gave had a word on it. One simple word. A true word.
You are a survivor and a graceful one. Your pain, utterly palpable in stark prose and striking reveries, is fueling you towards something amazing.
Your words, your writing, your story, are gifts to us all. Thank you.
here with you.
I am humbled and awed by your strength, bravery, and beauty. Thank you for sharing with us.
Yes, YOU are a SURVIVOR. He will never be.
Peace.
i have never read your whole story on that survivor website before. wow. just wow. you are such a testament to a brave, strong SURVIVOR. i’ve told you before, but i admire you so much.