houston, we have a problem
the magoo is turning into a manipulator. yup, it was like he hit 17 months this week and is all of a sudden the 2 year old little shit that i babysat for once upon a time.
(pretty positive that family is not aware of my website. if they are, sorry, but you know she was a little shit back then too).
i know what you’re thinking… “oh no, not the magoo. not the curly haired precious love with the rosy round apple cheeks and chicken legs.”
LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME
problem numero uno: dad is the favorite. it’s cool and all that jackson is a “guy’s guy” and loves hangin with the boys. he loves all of his uncles and has A TON of them (paul’s USNA roommates included) who he sees quite often. he’s rough and tough. bumps his meat head at least 42 times a day and doesn’t even realize it, as does his dad. bottom line, dad’s the favorite.
I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD. I LOVE MY DAD!!!
DAD LOVES ME. DAD LOVES ME. DAD LOVES MEEEE!!!!
problem B: both magoo and i are of the same sun sign. that’s right. taurus the frickin frackin bull reigns this household. granted, i am ALL taurus and jackson is just barely a taurus and dangerously close to aries (the taurus nemesis). nevertheless, we’ve got some stubborn peeps up in this piece.
NO MOM. TALK TO THE HAIR.
troisieme probleme: these manifesting issues we’re having with the magoo are causing this type of dialog between paul and i to happen more often than it should…
paul phone call: “hey. checkin in. how’s it goin?”
me: “effin sucks. our child hates me and only wants you. bring wine home.”
paul: “i swear, i’m not the favorite. as soon as you leave the room, it’s all ‘mom mom mom.‘”
me: “bullshit. bring wine.” click.
**********
the magoo has started this fake crying/whining bit that just drives me up the frackin wall (really trying hard not to drop the f-bomb, mom).
when he doesn’t get his favorite spatula because i’m actually using it to cook with (yes, occasionally i cook. i know, i can hardly believe it myself) he does this “ehhh diss (translation: this) ehhhh diss” that has got to be the most pathetic thing i’ve ever heard.
sometimes when he does the “ehhh diss” i mock him with the spatula. that’s right. i show it to him and say “oh what? you want this? SORRY! NO DICE!”
(i realize this post is making me sounds like a horrific bitch, but those of you who know me know that i’m not… all the time. and those of you who don’t “know” me but read me… well, you can come to your own conclusions on that one).
i digress…
so when the magoo is not whining and moaning or groaning to get something he can’t have (like the candle lighter or my beer bottle) he goes ape shit. the tantrums have started and this child is not even 2 yet. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS HAPPENS BEFORE THEY’RE EVEN 1 AND A HALF. THANKS.
and godalmightyinheaven, allah, the universe, goddesses, ninja aliens, or whatever you believe in as your higher power, when dad leaves for work in the morning, the beast that lies within the magoo comes out in full force. it’s ugly nasty. and it’s a combo of fake whiny cries that don’t produce tears, and anger towards me because he knows he’s left with me all damn day.
guess what kiddo? i’m not too keen on it either.
tips on master manipulating toddlers???? HALP!!!
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twice...
OMG, I know I shouldn’t be laughing but your phone conversation with Paul totally made me snort because I’ve had the same conversations with Bil.
I promise it will get better. V turned into Satan’s Spawn when she was that age too. The whining just about did me in. Ignore it (or make fun of it – I did that too). It will go away.
Drink your wine and when you’re done drink another bottle, because that’s about the only thing to do. Oh, and Valium helps.
(hugs!!!!)
Nic
I’m sorry but the “oh what? you want this? SORRY! NO DICE!” CRACKED ME UP. I have been known to do the same thing.
Ava is just barely 16 months old and the same shit is happening at our house too. Only I’m lucky because I get to leave her whiny little ass at gramma’s and escape to the office.
She is not talking much, but she can whine like a motherfucker. Oh god the whining. Makes me want to jab icepicks into my ears. Plus, she’s started this thing where she folds herself in half on the floor, no tears, and looks up at me to see if I’m buying it. Nope, I just walk away. Not giving her attention seems to be the best thing so far. Every kid is so different. Distraction is another thing we try and it works about 50% of the time. It really is trial and error.
I’m not much help, but at least you’re not alone!
Oh Magoo, give your poor mama a break! Here is my question, and it is an important one
: Does the man bring home wine when you tell him to? Because if he doesn’t, I may have to have a word with him.
i would like to say thank you for mentioning the ninja aliens, they often get left out.
really, he does want you when it’s just me. i promise… but i will still bring wine.
all i can say is drink more wine. because i never beat my daughter with that. and the baby will be right there in a year. and then we’ll both be drunk all the time together.
Paul is *probably* telling the truth. Right now Mason does the SAME shit. It can happen when anyone he loves leaves. If he had it his way mommy, daddy, grandma, and aunt Lesley would always be in the same room. I have found with him, I try calming him and say you know they have to go hom, or to work, whatever and offer him a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes he gets over it. For the other 90% of the time it just becomes routine or habit to make a fuss, so just like a tantrum, IGNORE. Ignore it all. Be like, gee I’m sorry you are so upset Magoo..Mommy will be over here playing blocks whenever you are finished.
As for other random tantrums, mostly revolving around some kind of instructions he doesn’t want to follow, food he won’t eat, or the forbidden word NO, I pretty much do the same thing and ignore. Eventually he gets over it. This started when Mason was 15 months and it’s still going. Yay me. It has gotten a lot better. Now it’s mostly b/c he is trying to communticate something I am not understanding. Distraction only works if it is somethng REALLY awesome like going outside toplay.
So re-cap: IGNORE and DO NOT let it get a rise out of you b/c then he will just do it for that purpose.
Why isn’t there a cure for this yet? Until then take 2 bottles of wine and call me in the morning. Hee hee.
Lu- I thought you were MY friend… and you side with Paul.
OH MAH GAWD, HE’S YOUR FAVORITE TOO!!!
Oh JAYSUS woman. You know I love you long time! I was just trying to help. Sorry I cheated on you with Paul.
whatev lu… whatev.
LOL, sorry, I can’t help myself. Your Magoo is fcllowing in my firstborn’s footsteps almost exactly. It’s like my Mom always says : “What did you expect with you two as parents?” and that statement drives me up the wall… Anyway, to return to the seventeen month old, yes, he is right on time for starting tantrums and no, they will not go away anytime soon. A real drain on your energy and patience. The good part – these strong willed little babies turn into high achieving children – they do fantastically in social settings because as the Magoo has already proved, they save it for the one who has them most of the time, IE : you (and me). Teachers, friends and family ADORE my daughter, never stop telling me how wonderful she is, but they’re never around to hear the tantrums and the meltdowns that are saved by me. So you see, you really are the most important to him, because he knows you are safe to let it out on! (OK, the last part some doctor told me and I almost beat them up..). Hang in there. It’s better than having a fearful,clingy child. Right? Right?
ha ha… will send strength via the internet!
Tricia
No advice … but I will offer that when people DON’T complain about loved ones (as long as it’s in a playful and loving way), there’s usually something wrong.
Did you know that wine actually helps to fend off ninja aliens? It’s true. I wouldn’t drink it otherwise.
OMG my three year old loves her daddy. Occasionally I even try to bribe her by telling her that I need to be her best friend because I’m the mom and gives her lots of good stuff and carried her in my tummy for 9 months! but she just retorts with, “Daddy’s my best friend, daddy’s my best friend!”
Ciao
Anita
If you’re upset that no one told you about 1 and a half, then I should go ahead and tell you now that it doesn’t get much better for awhile. Because age 3? SUCKS DONKEY BALLS.
I have a 3 year old and a 14 month old. There are no words of wisdom here.
The thing that has worked for us best has just been the whole “getting on their level” and “positive reinforcement”. We’ve slipped into yelling and disciplining and ignoring and nothing has worked as well as those other things. So, we try to do them as much as possible. That’s our girls, though. You’ll find your groove with Magoo
Stubborn and whiny? Good thing he’s so friggin cute, huh. Maybe he’s getting all of this out of his system early? And he will be a compliant angel when he hits 2.
bribe him with candy! tell him only mommies have candy! LOL but seriously i have no idea my 15 months old is all about saying dadda and i want dadda and his father never comes around, it must be a boy thing occasionally i wish i had a girl so i could bond better.
Oh Nic….I can absolutely relate. I am there with my monkey. With her daddy she is all sweet and hugs and play and with me she is whiny and mommy and crying and I could go on and on. Noone told me either that the terrible two’s basically started the minute she turned one! There are some days that I can’t turn wait for her dad to walk in the door. I left her with him tonight for a ‘relaxing’ run and came home to my PVR, some pizza and a bottle of Shiraz. xo
Apparently I can’t write tonight….does not look good for a blog post. Should read “I can’t wait for her dad to come home”.
sugar and sparkly stuff
My 19-month-old threw a fit this morning when I took his sticky t-shirt off him. I’m talking fake crying, arm-flailing and stomping.
I usually just try distraction.
Ok, that phone conversation is awesome because I am not alone!
Aww, sorry to hear Magoo’s hitting the terrible two’s a bit early. LOVE the “see this, do you want this? no dice” with the spatula! Freaking hysterical and totally something I would do!
Baby boot camp? Just a thought.
I am no help. My girls are way past that stage and I’ve conventionally forgotten…although Harrison is one today, so I’m in trouble soon, I fear. Also, I’m a cusp baby. I was born on April 20th, in the afternoon. So technically I am a Taurus (it changes at noon that day), but I have Aries tendencies. Basically, I make myself insane. Possibly every one around me too.
So, um good luck?
Yeah, the “no dice” had me peeing myself. I have zero ideas for you, but I have read that the “terrible twos” actually start closer to 18 months. So, uh, good luck? Time to get a wine IV.
Oh, also, I feel for you on the signs thing. My husband and I are both Aquarius and we have TWINS of our worst sign match — SCORPIO. I don’t think ANYONE gets along with Scorpio. Luckily, they’re awesome babies so when they come after me with machetes when they’re teenagers, at least I have these memories.
Hey hey now. I’m a Scorpio and lots of people love me. I think…I hope… we are just ya know…very passionate people.
Nic, my kids are 11 and 6. I know they went through this stage because all kids do. But time passes and you forget what it’s like. Just like the pain of childbirth. Which is why I have two children.
Even at 11 and 6 they do things that drive me insane. They have attitudes and say things that make me roll my eyes. And I still call my love and have that exact same conversation! BRING WINE!
It gets easier. I think I used distraction a lot. Ignore, walk away, lock yourself in the bathroom.
Keep the wine glass full!