tense
someone is behind me.
at all times.
not touching me. no contact is made.
but just there.
always present.
and i’m always aware of the presence.
my mind works against me.
i try to distract myself from what’s behind me.
wash the dishes.
sort laundry.
get outside.
(though some days outside is scary)
write… lots and lots of writing.
some drafts. some published.
(ok, most drafts)
the magoo helps.
his laughter helps.
but someone is still behind me.
breathing.
softly but noticeably.
the hair stands up on my arms.
my own breathing gets shallow.
i close my eyes and will the someone away.
i lose.
sleep is my enemy.
someone is then in my head.
inside.
my teeth grind.
my back is tense.
shoulder muscles turn into rocks.
i wake up sore.
and tired. always tired.
make my someone go away.
0 Responses to tense
Have a Sip
Oh Nic, this breaks my heart. I wish I could make it all go away for you. No-one should have to live through all the aftermath of your terrible experience and the fear that it introduces to your life. NO-ONE! And I can’t say anything to help, except that you are strong and brave and I hope that one day these feelings will lessen. Please know I am always on the other end of the phone and am happy to meet up with you too. When you feel alone, call someone. I will say special prayers today and hope that you will have a peaceful one. Hugs and more hugs. xxxx
I’m with Tricia; you have a lot of phone numbers at your disposal, right? I know you do. I’m pretty sure you have mine. (tell me if you don’t?) We’d be happy to talk to you if you call. You don’t have to talk about *that* – just to chat, maybe try to take your mind away.
It might be easier as Magoo starts talking up a storm. I hope that the baby chatter can help keep the shadows away. If not, then maybe baby giggles. I’m convinced they can cure anything.
Sending lots and lots of love.
First of all, you are a gifted writer. Never a word wasted. Second of all, whenever I read your stuff, I either want to hug you or get drunk with you. Lastly, It’s going to be ok…
Thinking of you. Wishing you peace, hugs and smooches…
Hugs, that’s all, just hugs.
Love you. And I know you have my phone number. Use it.
God knows I’ve sobbed to you on the phone enough times. It’s about time I was able to return the favor.
*smooches*
Ugh ugh ugh. Ugh. Reach out. Talk and talk and talk to make it go away. Hugs. Email me.
I can’t even begin to pretend to understand. And I know that words are more often than not insufficient, but do know that your words are spare and exquisite. Do know that I am just another person who probably can’t help make that somebody go away, but that if there is something I can do, let me know. Keep writing.
You’re in my thoughts, hon. We should really get together for a glass of wine sometime! You know, I’m only seven minutes away!!
Thinking of you. Sending positive vibes your way.
I wish I could kick your someone in the balls. Perpetually.
Oh Nic,if I could take that someone away, I would.
I’m sorry, I’m sad, and I am here.
I love you. You are amazing.
Love and hugs and more love and hugs.
i’m so sorry that you have to even endure all this crap that goes after what you went through. it doesn’t seem fair. i’m just so sorry.
after maria punches balls, i’ll throat punch.
for effect.
i will always be standing right next to you and i am pretty good at making people go away.
very nicely done…look forward to more writing
A couple of things:
~ Someone at work today said I was “too aggressive.” Happy to share my aggressive with the someone.
~ You are strong and beautiful – always a role model to me.
~ September is almost over – you will make it.
And also – I love you. Always call me.
Girl, you KNOW I get this. I am always here to hear you and to be a warrior on your behalf.
Just (((hugs))). It’s all I can offer, or an ear if you need it.
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I’m sorry. Sorry you have a Someone (I have one too). You captured the feeling beautifully.