i’m mad. i’m tired of this shit. and yes, i’m talking about the TSA incident.

here’s what i am over… i’m over what took place that day. i’m over that awful day; the video and 9 angles posted on youtube.com and conspiracy theories and whatnot. all of it. i’m over those who have entirely written me off, unfollowed (if not blocked) me on twitter, removed my blog from their reader, etc.

here is what i am holding tightly to… i’m clinging to the friends i have who have continued to show me compassion and concern while withholding judgment… those who have remembered that i am a human being. i am clinging to the truth that i know in my heart. and most of all, i’m clinging to myself, my husband, and my sweet baby boy. my family. i’m clinging to my hope for this to one day be something i am no longer talking about, thinking about, answering questions about, blogging about.

i have nothing else to say about it. stop asking please.

so many have doubted me, questioned me, accused me… and now are violating me.

as of today, there are men who have written me letters and emails saying the book i am currently writing in celebration of my survivorship as a rape survivor “is one of fiction, just like your TSA story was.”

***please don’t get me wrong, this is NOT a man vs. woman issue… this is me vs. those who are continuing to not only send me hate mail (both via email and in my actual mailbox) but delve deeper into their demonic minds to go so far as to say i lied about being raped. there are plenty of men who have stood up for me and continue to do so. there are also plenty of women (marilyn, from denver) who have written me hate mail.***

these vultures circling and hovering over my blog, writing and emailing me with their chick-scratch handwriting and horrific punctuation, are now saying that i lied about being raped. made it up. falsified the fact that a man drugged me and then violated my body in the worst possible way.

RAPE.

you have now gone that low. and you know who you are. you are now the predator out there… hiding behind your computer screen, typing away, leaving anonymous comments with IP addresses that no one can configure because you’re too chicken shit to admit your own demonic thoughts and own your venomous words. you’re the ones checking my blog to see “will the truth ever come out,” and then choose to take the most raw and personal and vulnerable part of my being that i have chosen to share in the hopes of empowering other survivors, and you use that to hurt me even more.

there is a special place in hell for men who violate women-physically, mentally, emotionally… with actions and with words. may you burn with the rest of the predators.

and yes, i’m closing comments to this post.

ah yes, the hate mail has gone old school and shown up in my ACTUAL MAILBOX, like the box that contains bills and magazines and the occasional letter.

people have taken the time to sit down with pen and paper and write letters to me, express their inner feelings, sign them “marilyn, from denver” and “anonymous, from whateverville” and a few others that i can’t type out without scarring my family for life… then proceed to place said letters in envelopes, neglect to write a return address and place a stamp, sending letters to my mailbox.

others have taken the time to continue filling my inbox and comment on my blog with words like “no one cares about your blog anymore” and “why are you still writing when no one reads you.”

obviously you care enough to read, check in from time to time… so thank you, faithful readers.

i think it’s safe to say that people as a whole have learned over time that hate only breeds more hate.

instead, i’d rather take the road less traveled and tell those of you who have continued to spawn hate that i wish you all well and encourage you to use those stamps for upcoming holiday cards.