like jail but with door knobs
with jackson now in his big boy bed, we put these suckers on the door knobs…
behold the Safety 1st Twist & Grip Knob Cover a la Babies R Us. we have used 1 out of the 3 pack and it is currently residing on the inside door knob of jackson’s bedroom. he is most definitely tall enough to manipulate and open a door. and tonight was the first time this torturous contraption served its purpose.
yesterday morning, paul found jackson awake and out of his bed, waiting for him at his bedroom door. paul was greeted with the sweet sound of “DADDY!!!!!!!!” and all was well with the world.
this afternoon, when jackson woke up from his nap, he awoke 20 minutes earlier than normal. so, like any other conflicted mother would do, i left him in there. i listened to him whine and “mom… mommmmmm…. MOM…. MOM. ALL. DONE.” but i stayed strong. and when i finally went in there, my magoo met me at the door that he had been shaking and knocking on for 20 minutes while calling out my name.
and then tonight happened.
paul had taken the dog out to do his biznass. jackson had already been put down for bed, and as i tip-toed in our bedroom to put on my feeties to settle in for an evening on the couch with paul, i hear jackson’s bedroom door shake.
then i hear him knock.
then i hear “mom. MOM. MOMMMMMY.”
so i go in. again, he meets me at the door. i lift him up. his head rests on my shoulder. his body is a dishrag. he begins breathing deep. i sit in the glider, snuggling my magoo. i take in the scent of his hair, his baby sweat in his fleece sleeper pjs. and when i feel our breathing begin to synchronize, i lift myself and my son out of the glider and rock him over to his bed.
i lay him down. i position his blankey. i wait.
he’s out.
i softly leave the room. paul returns with the dog. we settle on the couch to watch the tube.
5-10 minutes pass and then i hear the shake. paul doesn’t recognize it at first, but i know what it is. he mutes the tv and comments that he thinks it’s our downstairs neighbors, who sound like a stampeding herd of wild moose on a daily basis.
then comes the whines. the cries. the banging on the door.
the tears. his and mine.
paul and i debate on the couch for minutes while the noise continues.
do we let him just deal with the possibility of knowing he will sleep on the floor next to his bedroom door all night?
do we go in and pacify?
eventually jackson’s cry gets to the point where we realize that he is scared, truly scared of something. paul goes in and finds jackson over at his book shelf, where his sound machine is. apparently jackson had gotten out of his bed, pressed one of the buttons on his sound machine and upon hearing a sound different from the peaceful falling rain, he scared himself.
so paul calmed our son, put him back to sleep, and i sit with a heavy heart… feeling guilty for not consoling my son.
******
are you a ferberizing parent? do you put the ear plugs in and let your child cry it out? do you pacify? do you have a method? why the hell am i still asking these questions when i have a child on the brink of turning 2? UGH!!!!!!!
No Responses to “like jail but with door knobs”
|
|
Nipple Jewelry from Nipplecharms.com Non Piercing and fun! |
twice...
Can’t tell ya what I’d do since I don’t have kids, but I think the knobs are a good idea. Although every time I see them I giggle because my grandma had one on her nursing home door so the confused old guy across the hall couldn’t come into her room and watch her tv. Love ya! ~S
I think it’s important to let the kid learn to sooth him/her self. They need to cry it out sometimes, just to know that they can do it.
But, when they crying isn’t about wanting their way, when it’s hurt or scared, that’s when parents should step in (like you guys did today).
It get’s better. A friend of ours had to do this with her 2 yr girl recently. 2 nights, and the kid was asleep after 5-15 min. It broke her heart to have her little girl crying in there, alone. But it was good for Violet to learn that she can soothe herself back to sleep, she doesn’t always need mommy, and that mommy and daddy will be there if there ever is something she does need.
It’s part of growing up… for you and the magoo.
*hugs*
Ugh!! It’s so hard! My youngest is two and a half now and STILL in his crib. I learned my lesson with my oldest when I put her in a big girl bed and then moved her BACK to the crib six months later per her request.
When you figure out the answers let me know mkay!?!
First, I don’t want to offend you with what I am going to say.
Second, I did Ferberize my children during the toddler or preschool years (depending on the kid).
Third, I used those doorknob things but not as a reverse to lock them in, more to lock them out of places (closets, bathrooms, front door)
I would imagine that is pretty scary to a small child to not be able to get out of their room because the door is locked. He is still pretty young and while I know you don’t want him wandering around your apartment should he wake up I am not sure if that is exactly safe either. When sleep training, you would keep returning the child to the bed when he wakes and tries to get up. This is time consuming, especially for a week or two, but it’s not forever. The key is the first time tell the child its time for bed, tuck them in, etc and then that is it. The next time they get up, you just pick them up and put them back in the bed without speaking or acknowledging their protests. Ferber and Super Nanny do this technique. It’s taken about 7-10 days for our four youngest children to be conditioned to stay in bed and go to sleep. I suggest getting a baby gate and still making use of a baby monitor (if you have one)
Hang in there. You are all in transition. He is not a baby, but not quite the big boy secure completely feeling confident to feel totall ysafe in his new Big Boy Bed. You are so used to meeting his every need, but you know you have to let him go just a bit. And this is the rest of his life. Mine are 12 and 10. Not quite old enough to be completely secure/capable of doing X, but just old enough that I have to let go a little bit more. And, BTW, letting go SUCKS! BIG ONES.
thanks for the feedback! no offense taken. i put this out there to get input, and what works for one may not necessarily work for another.
that being said, @Kim, i thought i should clarify that we got rid of the gate idea when jackson scaled over it, much like he did in the crib. we do still have monitors.
someone mentioned on twitter not to trust the knob cover too much because their kid popped it off… noted.
many thanks for that tip.
keep the comments and advice comin… i’ve got a tough skin.
thanks again!
When the boys were both around 9 months I let them both cry it out, and with in 2 nights I had both babies sleeping through the night.
Treasure the door knobs while they last, Ro figured out how to remove them by the time he was 3!
It can be so heartbreaking can’t it
We have let Maya cry it out a little. She went through a phase where us going into her only made it worse so we were sort of forced to just let her cry it out at that point. It didn’t last long, the crying or the phase. Now we sort of play it by ear. If she is actually upset, scared or we can’t pinpoint the cry we go in. If she is just trying to postpone the actual sleep by getting us to come into her room then we just let her cry, it never lasts more than a minute or two and she’s out.
It’ll get better. This is a hard age. They sometime go through separation anxiety and they are also testing limits. Just go with your gut, you’re an excellent mom and have done right by the Magoo so far.
Love and hugs.
It depends. My son is 3 and bedtime is HELL. He is fine once he gets to sleep, but getting him to that point is not fun. I will let him cry it out most of the time, but other times – when I can tell he is scared or overly upset – I go in there and lay in his bed until he calms down.
Both of my boys were ferberized by the time they were 1. However, I will say that since they are both autistic this process has had to be repeated a number of times.
I do keep the doorknob cover on the *inside* of their door because for safety reasons I cannot have them coming out of their room unsupervised at any time…especially overnight. I do think I would wake up if they were able to open their door but I don’t like to take the chance.
They cannot be left alone. EVER. Their room is the only safe place where I can walk away and be sure they cannot hurt themselves.
I am “that” mama.I did not let my girls cry. If They slept with us until they were done with that.If they want in my bed now I let them. Evie has always been a great sleeper. Amelia still is not a sleeper and she is 5.I am no help at all.
Hi Nic~
It has been awhile since I have commmented, sorry about that! I have been in my head. My Nataly is 19 months. I can’t let her cry it out. She is such a good sleeper, always has been. If my child cries it is my job as her mother to go in and soothe her. She is crying for a reason. I don’t understand the ferber/cry it out method. I am sure that it works for some people. Now I won’t go in her room if she is just talking to herself or whining, but when she gets in FULL PANIC mode, I am NOT going to let her cry it out. I don’t think that you did anything wrong. I would have done the same thing as you. They are only babies and only need us for such a short amount of time. I say, as their mothers, it is our job to be there for our babies in their time of need. Keep doing what works for you and your Magoo. You are a great Mom, Nic.
I sort of ferberized both of my kids. My first at 10 months old, but she had been sleeping through the night since she was about 6 weeks old. She got a cold and was fussy so I did get up with her about 4 or 5 times a night, well about 3 weeks after she was all better she was still waking up 5 times. We tried doing the whole sitting next to her crib thing, but she wasn’t having it……so we had to let her cry it out.
My son, I held him for the first three months 24/7. After a week in the hospital where he was sleeping in the crib, I started putting him in his crib at home……but he wasn’t happy about it and would fuss for about 15 minutes the first 3 nights.
We have a baby gate at my son’s door instead of the knob cover. He never gets out of bed. Of course we co-slept until he was 2.5, then moved him into his bed over the period of a week. He only wakes up once in a long while if he’s sick or something loud wakes him up. He goes to sleep at 8-9PM and wakes up at 9-10AM usually.
In my personal experience, building a safe sleep environment where my child knows that if he cries someone will be there in a heartbeat.. Has been the best “sleep training”. Sleep’s a warm comfy place, and mom and dad are just down the hall.
I find it sort of amusing that the whole “night weaning and sleeping through the night” process took a single week. I can’t count the times that I was warned that my kid would be sleeping with us until he was fourteen.
For us, the key seems to be several things:
1- He knows that we will respond immediately if he calls. He also knows that our response will be to put him back into bed, tell him that when the lights are off it’s bedtime and to close his eyes and go back to sleep. This limits the novelty of night time waking.
2- He knows that he has a potty right near the bed, that he has his water bottle right on his night table, and that all he has to do to turn on his light is pull a chain.
3- We have a routine. Bath, brush teeth, read 3 books, sip of water, check to make sure he has his doggie and his blanket, cover him up, lights off, mom or dad sits with him and rubs his head until he’s zonked out.
4- I slept with my son in his room for a few weeks on his twin sized bed to get him used to the whole thing before I moved back into my own bed.
5- Twin sized beds = WIN. Softer mattresses and you can’t roll off as easily. My son loves to move around in his sleep. He can’t sleep on a crib sized mattress because it’s too hard and he moves around and either falls off or bumps into the wall too easily.
6- Took notice of what seemed to wake my son up while I was sleeping in his bed with him. Realized he did NOT do well with tucked covers, and did better with a baby-sized blanket that let his feet stick out the bottom. Why, I do not know. But that’s the way he sleeps. He also hates sleeping in socks.
7- Light blocking drapes.
8- Glow stars on the ceiling to give a little bit of light without the completely focused source that a window or nightlight would have.
nic, i think your on the right track!! letting your kid cry isnt wrong as long as there is nothing wrong…like just crying b/c they dont want to go to bed etc..you guys did the right thing by stepping in when you heard panic and fear in his cries! trust yourself! as a mom you can tell the difference in those cries!
BTW, the gate mounts outside of the door so that my son can open the door into his room. For some reason I think this makes him feel less trapped/alone, even though he still cannot get out.
oh, also ((((hugs))) to you, because i know as a mom how very hard this is!!
i personally don’t believe in ferberizing. i just can’t do it. and i feel like the baby thins he/she’s been abandoned. now, i will say there’s a cut off for that. i mean, if the kid is 4 or 5…let the kid cry. we had to do that with hannah when she was 5 and finally kicked her outta our bed. but the baby? no way. she cries, i get her. spoiled or not. don’t care. i can’t do it.
So apparently I’m a ferberizing parent, didn’t know there was such a term..I just thought I was being a semi-hard ass!
We let Kellen cry it out and always have (well accept when he was a newborn/infant). He has slept in his crib since 3 months old and basically thru the night since. We might have an occasion where he starts to fuss after we put him down and we have X amount of minute rule depending on the cry before we get him. If we know he’s just fussing to soothe himself, then he stays in there a little longer. I think what you and your husband are doing is right on target.
I’m also not wanting to offend anybody but I think once you start running to their every cry, they realize that and it’s harder to get them to nap and go to bed at night and stay there. My son knows we are there for him and love him even if I don’t jump at every sound he makes.
Also, those little door knobs things—my son was so pissed when we put those on our doors. He spun and spun them harder and harder til they popped off! UGH!!
I admit I did ferberize, both kids … it was not great but it was fast and they both sleep great now. Has to work for everyone, but I think it’s a good lesson for all.
Good luck! I had latches on the doors – so I feel your pain!
Miss Nic … you know, the best advice is always just to do what feels right for you and your family. I personally couldn’t let my kids cry it out. It made me so anxious and uptight I would verbally attack my husband and slam things around the house. Normally I am a pretty mellow creature, so these were definitely signs of something being horribly wrong. Turns out that I NEED to know they are going to sleep feeling very safe and secure, with the knowledge that if they need me, I will be RIGHT THERE. My sleep habits are bizarre, to put it mildly. I don’t sleep much, never more than four hours at a stretch. I sleep with the bedside lamp on, I can’t sleep if anyone’s awake, I have to have certain textures …. i.e. cotton sheets, waffle weave blanket, NO SILK OR SATIN, have to have my feet covered up, no hands off the side of the bed, sleep facing the door, closets opened and lit… it goes on. Not going to take a genius to figure out I had an extremely difficult childhood. I have tried so hard not to put this on my children. Offered them both a night light if they wanted it (they BOTH sleep in the dark now *shudder*) offered to let them sleep in my room (made far less comfy and alluring by making them a pallet on the floor instead of letting them crawl into a warm and comfy bed, but still very handy when they needed some night company.) They’re both great sleepers now, in spite of the years of therapy they could have required having a mom who’s a little bit whacko when it came to bed time. You’ll be okay, and so will the Magoo. You love him, he knows it. Do you know how important those six words are???
WOW! such awesome feedback. such diverse feedback.
THANK YOU!
thought i’d leave a comment to let you each know that i am attempting to email you back individually. so please forgive me if i don’t get to you today.
again, thank you.
Everytime Manu did that to us (he’s now 2.5) when he was around 18 mths old we’d walk him back to his bed. No door blocker… We’re a little too lazy to install all the childproofing stuff. But walking him back to his bed gently several times took about 3 days. Granted it took at first about 12 times to walk him back, but it decreased and now he seldom does it.
Hope you find your balance with your Magoo, only you can know what to do with your baby, you have the mother’s intuition Dahling!!!
Cheers
I do not look forward tot he toddler bed transition. He slept in one at his aunt’s house. She found him asleep on the floor the next morning. At least she was paying attention to him.
Well, what did you do before he got his regular bed? Why does having a new bed make your/his routine any different???
I’d have to say we’re situational. If Nolan is crying because he’s overtired and we KNOW he’s going to fall asleep within ten minutes, we let him self soothe. It just wakes him up more for us to go in there and try to pacify. But if that’s not the case, we (or one of us) will go in there, pick him up and snuggle him, rocking him to sleep or feeding him or changing (or or or or whatever he needs).
But I don’t know what we’ll do when he’s two lol.
Enjoy it now because when he is 14, he’ll be in his room screaming, but it will be “I hate you!”, “You’ve ruined my life!” etc.
[...] the entire sleeping process that is now on day 7 of SUCKING. it’s the up and down and screaming and banging and unwillingness to get back in bed no matter how exhausted this stubborn child [...]
Nic, you do what is comfortable for you. If you are happy with what you’re doing & it’s working, then stick with it. I was always used to giving the child time to cry it out from babysitting to my own daughter, who is now 16. If something is wrong, you will be able to tell from the cry. Otherwise, it’s best for the child to know that they can fall asleep by themself & mommy & daddy are there if they need them. (((HUGS)))