Archive for February, 2010

i may not be the cleanest of individuals today, but i’m not wearing pajama pants or yoga pants (though i don’t do yoga and what the hell kind of mother even wears yoga pants and actually does yoga? if you do, don’t let me know about it because i will probably stab you.)

i’m in jeans today. my skinny ones thankyouverymuch. and a top. not a tshirt. a button-up top.

the lovely thing about having uber short and curly hair is that you can buy this goop that basically just sticks it out all over the place for you and it looks like you had your hair styled when you really just put a bunch of guk in it.

no, i was not paid to discuss the above mentioned hair guk.

point being, i made an effort today. i did. i don’t do it all the time. and some days are better than others.

but today, i made an effort.

well, i guess it’s sort of an effort because it did not include a shower, but ya can’t have it all folks, ya just can’t.

and that’s what i’m starting to see in the blogosphere lately that is kinda getting under my skin. bloggers are wanting it all… ALL. OF. IT. i don’t even know what IT is entirely, but between some posts that i’ve read lately and some tweets that i’ve been keeping up with, i’m noticing a trend that i’m making an effort NOT to be a part of.

you see, there are conferences… and they’re great, from what i’m told. bloggers meet other bloggers… some are told by fans, “don’t be scared of me please, i don’t like stalk you or anything,” and the person behind the keyboard suddenly is in the flesh.

human.

and possibly unshowered and with hair guk in order to make themselves somewhat presentable.

i bought a ticket to an upcoming conference. one that i will not be attending.

no worries. i’m not far from nyc and plan to pop in and see some lovelies for dinner and drinks that weekend.

here’s the thing… i don’t understand social media. i don’t even fully understand the concept of blogging, PR, advertising on one’s blog, monetizing, SEO (i still do not know what that stands for). and i don’t care. i don’t blog for any of that stuff. stats. traffic. whatever.

i barely get by lately with getting a post up a week and perhaps a new bottle of the week every two or so weeks.

perhaps i’m stepping away from blogging for a bit. the online world is looking a bit caddy to me at this very moment. i’m seeing crap posts written by good writers, good people, good bloggers… to pitch something or sell something… gain something more than community and connections.

it’s getting weird. stupid shit is being said and it’s just getting weird. expectations are being placed way the fuck up in the air to a nearly unattainable level and i’m not seeing as much effort put forth when it comes to the connections and community that drew me to this medium in the first place.

some people have been doing this for years, blogging that is… and they’re FANTASTIC at it. these individuals truly change lives, make a difference, and are pleased with the work they do as writers who connect with others by sharing their words online. it’s incredible when i think about blogging like that. and apparently that’s what it once was, according to some veteran bloggers. but i’m not really liking where blogging is headed lately. and perhaps i just caught the blogging bug a little late.

kinda like how i always wanted to be a child of the 70′s and instead was one of the 80′s.

i’m no social media guru. i just write. this is my place to write and share and communicate. unshowered, but with deoderant on, hair goop… and today, eye makeup.

i made an effort… today.

i have all that i want.

do you?

Known as “the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine,” Nyquil is going on week numero dos as being my personal bottle of the week.

I used to be a competitive swimmer… a pretty decent one actually. And my coach was one of those coaches who had a nickname for everyone. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t one of those lame ass coaches who tries to befriend you by giving you a stupid nickname like, “sporto” or “hoss” (if he had named me “hoss,” I would’ve junk punched him.)

Anyway, given that my name is Nicole, my swim coach named me Nyquil. That was my nickname for the many years that Mike coached me, yelled at me to kick harder, wrapped my fingers together with rubber bands in order for me to keep from spread-eagling the palms of my hands, which I instinctively did for some odd reason. (I know this makes absolutely no sense to non-swimmers, but basically keeping your fingers together and your hand as tight as possible allows you to flick up more water as you stroke, thus propelling you to swim faster.) Usually we had paddles to strap to our hands to accomplish this, but Mike liked to torture me with rubber bands wrapped around my fingers. He was that kind of coach… the kind who found your weakness, your quirks and helped you tweak them to make you a better athlete, to make you excel.

So, what does this rant have to do with Nyquil… absolutely nothing.

Except that Nyquil has been my bottle of the week and will continue to be until I am over this horrific bitch of a cold and can go back to excelling at being a mom… BWAHAHAHA!!!!

Obviously this stuff has already gone to my head.

Cheers! Nic

Comments or suggestions? Have your own “bottle of the week” to share? Shoot me an email: mybottlesup@gmail.com

i haven’t posted much this week. there hasn’t been much that i can say without nearly hacking up a lung. my head is so congested to the point that when i blow my nose, snot comes out of my left tear duct.

like, of my eye… the left tear duct OF MY EYE.

not. even. joking.

according to my doctor, who diagnosed me yesterday with a “wicked sinus infection,” the reason our nose begins to run right after we start crying is due to our sinuses and our tear ducts all being within close proximity of each other. also, according to my doctor, since i can blow snot out of my left tear duct only, i must have a “loose duct,” whatever the hell that means. i didn’t really care. i just wanted my antibiotics and to blow my nose/eye.

my doctor also chuckled and suggested that i join the circus after i showed her how i can blow snot out of my eye, because “only a select few have such a talent.” i didn’t laugh.

a friend of mine on twitter made a reference to my cold as “the epic snot,” and she could not be more correct. i most definitely have snot of epic proportions. and yes, it is so disgusting.

jackson is sick too, which doesn’t make things any easier. being a sick parent at home with a sick child sucks big hairy donkey balls. like, BIG ONES. i feel so bad for jackson because the poor little guy can’t get comfortable, he’s getting his next set of molars, snot drips from his nose, and when he coughs so loudly, a part of my heart breaks off. it’s so sad to watch little ones be sick.

but then i’m sick on top of it… and in my opinion, sickies hit the parent worse than the child. i don’t know if this is because they have a built up killer immune system that has gone and died in a hole in adults by the time we reach are later 20′s, or what, but i feel like ass and then trying to keep up with my son makes me feel like the hole within the ass.

not. good.

both jackson and i have been to the doctor. he has a cold that i’ve been told will last him 2-3 weeks before he is entirely over it. THAT BLOWS. we have a humidifier running in his room. we traumatize him with saline drops in his nose. he has motrin for when his molars are bothering him. and we watch ice age 3 about 14 times a day so that he can be happy while watching the “BIG ELEDENTS” (elephants) his latest obsession.

you can be the one to tell jackson that they are mammoths and not elephants. i can’t crush his little magoo world any more than i already have.

paul has been so diligent and willing to help out in my exhausted state this week, taking time at lunch to come home and help occupy jackson so i can rest. he is currently enduring a tantrum (probably because jackson wants to watch “the eledents” and paul is sick of “the eledents” and holding his own) while i write this post in my comfy bed and cough up phlegm.

so there is snot on my keyboard, tissues on my nightstand, a z-pack on the sink in our bathroom, and groceries that desperately need to be purchased.

and now paul is getting sick. though he has taken airborne all week long, washed his hands constantly, and gone through multiple bottles of hand sanitizer, paul is coming down with this bitch of a cold.

so we’re taking shifts… errands… household duties… disinfecting… parenting… and still trying to take care of ourselves so that we can get well.

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how do you handle it when you’re sick and you have a sick toddler? how do you manage it all? do you manage it all? how much are you able to call upon your partner for help? and when on earth will i get rid of the epic snot?

today marks the first anniversary celebration of Violence UnSilenced… the place that gave me the strength to speak out last august and share my story.

it is all thanks to maggie, that i was able to do this…

***EDITED: 5:27 pm***
after spending the majority of today, watching this video repeatedly, dancing with my beautiful son and then seeing him recognize me in the video and exclaim “MOMMY!!!!!!” i asked for maggie’s permission to embed the actual video on my blog so that you readers don’t even have to click to go elsewhere to witness the awesome empowerment that takes place when people come together and SPEAK OUT!!!!

so i have this friend, emily… she’s so friggin cute that i want to just smooch her through my computer screen each time i see her pop up on my blog. her blog, last train to pooksville, is a daily read for me. i admire her photography. i think her baby, poppy, is more precious than words can convey. and i love how emily gushes about how IN LOVE she is with her husband, david. she’s rad and she graced me with this award last week.

yeah… a week ago. and i’m just getting around to it now because i haven’t really known what to do with it.

i don’t do well with awards. even if they are of the blogging kind. but alas, i will accept with much gratitude and pay it forward because there are awesome bloggers out there who i consider to be quite beautiful.

here are the rules that i must adhere to as a recipient of said award…

1. thank the person who nominated me for this award… check.
2. copy the award & place it on my blog… check.
3. link to the person who nominated me for this award… check.
4. share 7 interesting things about myself
5. nominate 7 other beautiful bloggers

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ah crap, 7 “interesting” things about myself…

* i have to make the bed. like, me. I HAVE to do it. no one else can. if my husband attempts, which he does when i have been out of town, i redo it. that may be the one thing that i am OCD about. not sure where it came from exactly… my dad makes the bed sometimes for my mom and she doesn’t redo it behind his back… i dunno. but I HAVE TO DO IT. (i really don’t think my husband minds.)

* i eat CONSTANTLY and all throughout the day. i am beyond being a snackaholic. i’m simply a foodaholic. if i don’t eat every 2 or so hours, i get uber cranky, fantasize about stabbing certain people and get really whiny. i love food. all of the foods. every food on the face of the planet. i will eat it all… especially nutella.

* crikey, this is only #3… uh… when i was in middle school, i had a poem published in my teacher’s anthology she was composing on student poetry. the poem i wrote was about my grandfather, who had passed away the day we moved to chicago (where i spent my middle school years), and on the day that this teacher told me that she chose my poem to publish, i promised myself that i would have my own book published by the time i was 30 years old. as it turns out, i will turn 29 in may and have slightly altered my original promise to be a published author with my book on the shelves by the time i am 35.

* i love tattoos. those of you who are familiar with my blog, my story, and the decision i have made to celebrate my once violated body know that i truly appreciate the art of tattooing and how incredible it is to permanently mark one’s body symbolically. and yes, it is addictive and i want more… constantly.

* my husband is sitting next to me now, telling me that i should make it known that i was a competitive dancer in middle school and my first year of high school. *head to desk* yup… there are pictures to prove it. none of course that i will post here, but yeah… i was a pom pom girl. the uniform was hot and i rocked it. plus, i got to wear the super cool cheerleader shoes that had the pop-out colored stars so you could represent your team colors appropriately. yeah, you’re jealous! those of you who know me now, if you didn’t know that tidbit about me already, i imagine you are laughing your ass off. enjoy.

* i know the words to nearly every single song that was recorded in the 1980′s. seriously, i do. while i may not take pride in the fact that i was once a competitive dancer, i will so own THIS FACT WITH PRIDE. my ultimate fave is heart… my go-to band… and of course “alone” being my favorite karaoke song that i will never EVER sing karaoke too out of fear of passing out on stage. aside from heart, madonna, prince, cindy lauper, billy ocean and of course, tiffany, i love me some elton john… “tiny dancer” is my all time favorite song, and i want it to be played at my funeral one day while people sway back and forth singing “hold me closer tiny daaaancer… count the headlights on the hiiiiiighwaaaay…”

* my “dream house” must include a library. i don’t care if there’s a white picket fence, a veranda or wrap-around porch of any sort (though that would be nice), it must have a library. as much as i adore writing, i love reading just as much, if not more. when i’m not sharing a book with a friend, trading books with friends, i am buying books that i don’t even have time to read simply because i know that ONE DAY i will get around to reading it. i have saved every book that i have read since high school and there are so many boxes in our attic that contain my books, anthologies, etc. that our moving crew HATED me by the time they got all of my boxes up to the 3rd story of our apartment. i like books. i want a library.

**********

so, now i get to pass this on to other beautiful bloggers… (insert evil laugh here.)

1. becky, of life out of focus constantly reminds me to focus on the beauty of my family. she is also one helluva hilarious friend to have on twitter. not a day goes by where i don’t find myself laughing out loud with this gorgeous woman.

2. firemom, of stop, drop and blog is a fantastic woman whose first name i do not even know, but she never ceases to make me laugh and offer excellent motherly advice when needed. she’s honest, true to not only her family, but to herself as a woman. definitely someone i admire.

3. kelly, of kelly without a net is a lovely mother to 3 children, her latest love only 6 weeks old. she is actually residing in annapolis, where i currently am, and though we converse nearly daily on twitter, we have yet to meet in person. she loves to knit and i LOVE that about her because i don’t have that kind of eye-hand coordination. make me mittens please?

4. mariah, of manic mariah, the original hot mama, married to tent camper of hotdads.com, this beautiful woman has numerous kids, numerous animals, and loves all unconditionally. she is one who i wish i corresponded with a little more regularly just incase the day should come where i find myself in their neck of the woods, because i know she would welcome me with open arms… and a dog to care for.

5. melissa, of pigtailpals is doing good things in this world and truly works to make a difference EVERY SINGLE DAY. she never ceases to amaze me with the size of her heart and how much love she puts into every project she takes on. this woman is a phenom.

6. holly, of artist, mother, teacher is a blogger, photographer, mother, teacher and artist in more ways than one who i am still just getting to know. but with every email or tweet that i receive from this incredibly strong woman, i find myself overwhelmed. she faces challenges with truth, acknowledges her pain, and is willing to make herself vulnerable… and she does it all with such grace.

7. jenn, of princess prose is my rock. i have “known” this fascinating woman for a while now, and i continue to glean wisdom from her. she is my stability in the blogosphere. and in the same way that heart’s “alone” is my go-to song… jenn is my go-to blogger. she is a true friend who knows me so well that i smile when she calls me out on my shit. now THAT is love.

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and……. i’m…….. spent. *phew* ok, enjoy your valentine’s wknd and don’t forget to wear a condom.

is it valentine’s day or valentines day? apostrophe? no apostrophe?

whatever. it doesn’t matter.

ok, so a wee bit ago, i posted some rants about how i was doing and why i was in much need of mass amounts of coffee. it was in that post that i mentioned what i referred to as a “potentially STABLE freelancing gig as a blogger.”

so here’s the thing… without going into too much detail about the gig, i’m finding that 2 weeks into it, i think i’m getting bloggy screwed.

i’m not a big name blogger. i haven’t been doing this for a while. i mean, all you have to do is read my “about” page in order to realize that i have no clue what i’m doing with this here blog of mine.

oh yeah, and i’m not canadian. apparently the vast majority of fantastic and legit bloggers are all up there with the olympic flame.

ok, back to the screwing… i was under the impression (enter nic’s naivete) that this was a paid gig. i had been asked to go on board with a site as a weekly blogger and discuss my experience with anxiety and what it’s like to live with anxiety on a day to day basis. i was stoked.

working towards my own stability with my anxiety is a journey in itself, but to be able to help others at the same time would be entirely rad.

now, i find myself a bit skeptical. “the powers that be” have all of my info, my bio, pic, even an introductory blog post. however, it was after i “established” myself on their site that i received an email saying “this is a voluntary position.”

WHUUUUUUUUUUUUT?!?!?!

the email was very professional, apologetic even for giving me the wrong impression, and THEN laid out the details of what exactly they are looking for from me.

so here’s the thing… if i go ahead and continue “working” VOLUNTARILY for this site and posting for them, i get a lot of traffic, it drives traffic from there to here, SEO jibber jabber, etc, etc… if i peace out of this gig, no harm, no foul. right? i mean, i was the one deceived, right?

or was i? is this just how social media works in terms of getting what they want from you? i dunno. you tell me.

meanwhile, as i ponder about whether or not i’m bending over and taking it up the rear from this website, i receive yet another email from “the powers that be” that says something along the lines of more details with regards to my posts, bla bla bla, SEO bullshit, traffic, la la la… and then…

” Once you get a few posts up and show that you intend on sticking around, we’ll add you to our (insert name of website) list here: (insert my pic, bio, and information i have already submitted to them here).”

again, WHUUUUUUUUUUUT!?!?!?

so let me get this straight… i have to “get a few posts up and show that i intend on sticking around” in order to gain any sort of recognition on the website… and this is an unpaid gig?

don’t misunderstand me, i’m not about blogging for the money, SEO crap, etc. in fact i just recently opened up space on my blog to run ads. there is a reason why the ad section of my blog is titled “pocket change” people. i’m not here for the benjamins.

veteran bloggers, i ask you, what’s the deal? am i getting bloggy screwed? cuz i have a deadline coming up and i’m unsure as to whether or not i’m going to meet it or peace out.

help a blogger out. i’ll give you candy hearts of love…