the obligatory BlogHer post
no. i’m not going. for those of you who follow me on twitter, you are aware of this… probably have been for a while. and for those of you who have unfollowed, if not blocked me, on twitter, yet continue to read my blog (yes, i see you) then perhaps this is news to you.
so, in order to fully embrace the pink elephant that has existed for nearly 10 months, here’s the deal… i gave my ticket away. months ago. it’s gone. been gone. to a wonderful human being… to someone i admire, someone i respect and someone who continues to blow my mind with her strength and inner growth.
my only regret is that i will not be able to hug this amazing woman.
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but back to the elephant… my hate mail has heightened since another blogger, a very well-known blogger, endured her own experience very recently and posted about it. as per usual, word spread quickly in the blogosphere and in the land of twitter.
as for me, i was at my cousin’s wedding, in austin, tx, when this occurred and yet my phone blinked and vibrated with incoming messages, emails and tweets.
and when i felt my phone vibrating inside of my clutch, i was left to assume there was some sort of internet drama taking place that people were making me aware of. (after all, i was sitting in a chapel with my entire extended family. obviously no one was trying to reach me about the death of a family member. those calls are the worst.)
anyway, i don’t know catherine. we do not correspond on twitter or elsewhere. but once i got myself up to speed on her story, her experience, i empathized with her. while i may not know her or “know” her (as those of us bloggers can come to “know” one another without truly knowing one another), or even be one of her eleventy followers, i empathized.
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then i read a thought-provoking post yesterday on mamapop.com and i couldn’t help but take some time to be quiet and reflect.
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how quick we are to respond… myself included.
but how slooooow we are to let go. i mean truly LET GO.
we want instant gratification.
and ultimately…
life is too short.
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part of me envies this nifty aspect of men that i have heard about and even been witness to on rare occasions. men are wired so differently than women, and whether the “grudge-holding” wire was once cut in their brain and thus set a precedent… i dunno… point being, men get over shit.
some men.
those men who still have that wire fully intact, find themselves emailing me and/or commenting me just as much hate as women, or referring to me in the comments section of other blogs as one of the “few bad apples to leave such a strong impression,” or continuing to create false twitter accounts using my picture and/or name.
so i ask you, yes YOU, those of you who continue struggling with letting go…
have you thought for just one second that you have prejudged?
have you been criticized yourself? like, ever? on a continual basis?
have you had others bring shit up to you that causes you to roll your eyes and think to yourself “really?!? you’re STILL thinking about this and asking me about it AGAIN?!?”
and lastly, why on earth can’t you let go?
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if you think that i’m not talking about YOU in this post, you’re wrong.
i am. all of you.
but don’t worry, you won’t see me in NYC. i’m visiting friends the sunday and monday after the conference. i won’t run into you.
i’m not giving the keynote.
but if i were, it would have been something along the lines of this post, because ultimately, this ugliness that continues to manifest itself here and there is not about me, it’s not about catherine either or any other blogger who has posted something remotely controversial on their blog.
it’s about us all.
17 Responses to the obligatory BlogHer post
Have a Sip
There comes a point where people just need to move on.
I think the anonymous nature of the internet is perpetuating a culture of bullying and the instant gratification nature of the interwebs fosters unrealistic expectations
PrincessJenn´s last [type] ..Who’s the Project Manager in Your Marriage
I am still relatively new to all this blogging business. I did read somewhere that there are a lot of politics that exist in this blogger world. I am not caught up in them. Yet, anyway. Mostly because I’m pretty much non-existent. Which is okay. More than okay. Anyway, just wanted to say I liked this post. Grudges and blame don’t do anyone any good. I’ve been on the receiving end of being continually asked about a situation (in life, not blogging) that happened four years ago, that to me, was no big deal. I am apparently in the minority. People. Sigh.
Angela´s last [type] ..The Master Bedroom
I think that the internet is full of knee-jerk reactions, and that there are probably people who re-thought those knee-jerk reactions later, but flounder when it comes to saying “I’m sorry. I acted like it was a much bigger catastrophe than it was. I was an ass.” Possibly.
thepsychobabble´s last [type] ..That was exhausting
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Those who hold grudges and can’t let go only ultimately hurt themselves. People love drama, they love to feel like they are part of the drama, those people give all of us women (and sometimes men) a bad name.
I love you and hope the hate mail one day stops. I wish I was going to be in NYC so we could meet and hug finally.
Lisa´s last [type] ..The Book Nook
*applause*
(((HUGS)))
i love you.
that is all.
emily bilbrey´s last [type] ..things i am REALLY going to miss about vacation
I agree. We are quick to act on here, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. Women in general have a hard time letting go. Life is too big to let yourself carry anything but positivity. Love ya hun. I am not going either, but for reasons that are entirely my own.
Jenni Williams´s last [type] ..The Roller Coaster
Thank you for posting this. There is so much more love for you than there is hate. If only the trolls would realize this and move on.
You are marvelous. My life is better because you have become a part of it. Thank you for that.
Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher}´s last [type] ..When you flush the toilet does it fall onto the tracks or is there a storage car for all the crap
I love this.
I am dismayed over and again by the vitriol and judgment spewed forth on blog after blog and tweet after tweet. So much ugliness. And yet…amidst it all – so many shining, beautiful people to be found. Which I think is why I keep digging through the pile of crap. To find the shiny copper penny that is a blogger like you.
Barnmaven´s last [type] ..Nobodys Perfect
That’s why sometimes it’s a lucky thing that my mom, mother in law, best friend,and you are the only people that read my blog. I mean, truly. I think it is so sad that blogging has this negativity attached to it sometimes when in fact, it’s such a good thing. It’s a good outlet, a good way to connect, a good way to have a business at home if you’re an awesome blogger. I wish we could all just be nicer to each other. In life, not just blogging.
I’m rambling, but this just makes me think of how crappy we are to each other not only in blogging.
P.S. Have I mentioned I LURVE you lately? No? I LURVE you Nic.
Heather @ Brace Yourselves´s last [type] ..Belated Birthday Party Fantabulousness
Yes, people really do need to learn to let go. It’s a sad thing when ugliness persists in such a pervasive way.
It’s times like these when I’m glad to not be a super popular blogger like the rest of you.
I adore you, though. And I don’t judge you.:)
Kellee´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday Diptych 29- Crooked
Gah.
I remember the feeling I had when I read all your posts, when I read the responses, when I read everything. I remember how I felt when I got my first hatemail, I remember all of those things and they still anger me sometimes. I want so very badly for there to be peace and for all of us as writers to respect each other, and then I remember that all of us, not just the bloggers or the celebrities or the dooces of this business, but all of us as human beings deserve that quiet moment of letting it go, and I’m so very grateful that you chose to point that out today.
I’m so glad you’re still writing.
I’m glad you stuck it out,
and I’m so glad that I listened to you and came back.
Ok, I am going to be on the fence here, kinda. Heh.
I was *somewhat* quick to post about your ‘elephant’. I was hurt and confused. I had a reaction. I spent hours talking about it with my husband who doesn’t ‘get’ blogging/twitter. I had a true emotional, ‘this is my friend I will stick up for her’, and then t’his is my friend and I don’t know what happening reaction.’
The only person that I know that posted that she had talked to you about it was Jenn, and she was all ‘Nic is my friend, we have talked, its’ over.’
I so badly wanted to post the same thing. We were what I would consider close before the incident. But you never reached out to me or anyone publicly on your blog saying what happened. So be it. Totally your right, place, and choice. (And a billion reasons you are COMPLETELY entitled to.)
Now, some people took that silence to perpetuate more hatred. They were hurt and angry like me when conflicting stories bounced around. Now I fought off what I could…but I needed you to back me up and never did. I still have NO IDEA what the fuck the deal is.
But I know this…I MOVED ON.
LIfe is too short. For real. I mean if people can’t take it, then fine don’t read this blog, don’t follow you on twitter, but why hate SO HARD? I mean I felt really surprised you never confided in me, many people asked me what was going on thinking we were close and I would know.
But you know what? I don’t have to. Yeah I was timid for a while…I don’t even know why. That situation is yours and has effected you greatly, in more ways than I even know I am sure. But the want or need to hate is beyond me.
Especially from random strangers who don’t know you anyway. IDK maybe I over-valued our friendship at the time. Maybe I felt owed something, that I wasn’t owed. Maybe that’s part of the problem too. Is we (the readers) feel owed more, when we should feel honored you share any part of your life at all. IDK. I am not so goo at this deep thinking thing.
What I do know, is I have let it go.
It is a small piece that makes up the wonderful person you are. I know I have had many more laughs with you that I would have missed out on, many bewb shots, fun, friendship, and learning form each other. You are a great supporter of mine and ask nothing in return. I chose to embrace you no matter what. (Shirts off please) I chose friendship over not b/c YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I think there will always be as Jen said ‘knee jerk reactions’ because the masses of people on the Internet fuel that, for good and bad. So when it’s good it’s really good and when it’s bad, well it becomes an elephant. And I am sorry that happens. It’s the nature of the business. Or some shit.
I can not believe how fucking long this comment is. When my whole point is, while we are quick to jump in, sometimes if you are somehow personally passionate or affected by the situation it may take some time to let go.
But please people let it go, or go away.
Lu´s last [type] ..Word-full Wednesday With Pictures!
ah, the elephant. not gonna lie, that’s how I found you in the first place! yeah, i was upset. but ya know what? a. it’s really none of my business. b. we have ALL gotten carried away, not knowing why. and c. I am too damn old to throw people away for mistakes such as that. What are we in highschool? You are worth more than one event. i’m sorry that what happened with catherine dragged all this back up for you. it’s been ages. time for everyone to let.it.go.
meantime, and i know we;ve just started chatting and such but i admire the hell outta you for sticking it out. not hiding your head in the sand or dissapearing. that takes a hell of a lot of strength and shows your true character nic.
you’re a keeper.
xoxoxo~ m
Do you and your elephant want to come to my house for dinner?
Meh, you know I was over it the minute you asked for it to be over. Such is life, my friend, and it is far too short to be an asshole.
Now, on to more important things >>> I am hanging with my BFF who lives in Brooklyn while I’m not at the conference, but I have *blacked out on our social calendar* “lunch with NIC” for sunday. So you tell me when and where, beautiful lady, so I can give you a big fat smooch right on your mouth.
Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last [type] ..Beast