anything that goes through a gradual transition from one condition, to a different condition, without any abrupt changes

that’s the continuum theory.

i don’t entirely understand it myself… but i’m feeling it. and sometimes we feel things that we don’t understand.

a pull to do something. a wall to keep you from doing something.

i feel a lot of things that i don’t have full grasp of.

and that’s ok.

there’s this pendulum swinging and nothing can stop it. i dodge it. i run circles around it. i tempt it to hit me. i cower from it at times.

but it just continues to swing back and forth.

so i make lists.

on paper.

in my head.

all the things that need to be done. all the things that need to be worked on… myself, my marriage, my life…

(((fill in the blank)))

the pendulum keeps swinging.

i get distracted. thinking. over-thinking. over-analyzing. focusing on the little bits of nothing, keeping myself from looking at the big picture, the whole.

it’s so easy for me to get distracted. easy for me to write this post. to not do the stuff… the work.

on myself.

but, i recognize these distractions. i see my patterns. i catch myself dodging the pendulum.

and i don’t want to do that anymore.

i want to refocus.

i want my story to continue… my life to continue.

it happened… almost 10 years ago.

it did.

no distraction can falsify that or keep me from recognizing it.

and i’m ready.

i’ll need some hand-holding here and there. i know that.

but i’m ready to stop distracting myself from myself.

i’m going to keep going… keep transitioning… keep moving.

forward.

because it’s time.