the one about my meds
so. this is a post about my current medication situation.
in other words, feel free to close the browser if you have nothing helpful or insightful to contribute.
here is what i love about the blogging world: readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment.
here’s is what i don’t love about the blogging world: readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment.
within the blogging world there is a sizable community of those who struggle/battle/are challenged with some form of anxiety. there are millions of theories as to why this is… however, that’s not what this post is about.
this post is about my current medication situation with regards to my general anxiety disorder and acute panic attacks.
again, feel free to close your browser. no hard feelings.
months ago, i wrote this post about having the baby bug. a couple of months after that, i wrote this post about having my IUD removed to get the party started on magoo 2.0. and then last month came, and i wrote this post about my baby bug being squashed.
paul and i have discussed trying for another baby this fall. DISCUSSED. i take this very seriously for a number of reasons… we have a lot to consider in terms of paul’s work and timing when it comes to expanding our family. that’s a biggie. we have a lot to consider in terms of jackson’s needs as a 2 and a half year old little boy who STARTS SCHOOL next month.
holy shit.
as for me, i have a lot to consider in terms of my mental health and well-being. anxiety disorder has always played a significant role in my life. i am medicated for it. there is a combination of drugs that work to keep the chemicals in my brain balanced and my panic attacks at bay.
i’m not ashamed of this. it’s not easy to relinquish a sense of control over oneself to a pill, or a combo of pills, but for me it is necessary and i have come to terms with that fact.
in order for magoo 2.0 to be conceived in the most healthy way, i need to be off my meds for the most part.
does this mean i’m going to go bat-shit crazy once i am sufficiently weaned off my medication??? quite possibly.
does this mean i’m going to go bat-shit crazy once i am pregnant??? most likely. hormones are nutso like that.
does this mean i’m not going to be safe in terms of my own mental health and state of mind??? i’m not sure.
so, i’m trying to find out what will potentially work best for me as i wean off my meds and continue to DISCUSS a possible pregnancy in the near future.
i want to be a good mom. we all want to be good parents. i’m not sure what being a “good” mom really means although i have been a mom for over 2 years now… but i know that my goal is to be a good mother.
being a good mom, in my case, means that i also need to be good to myself. i need to take care of myself in order for me to best take care of my child(ren).
i want to do this the “right” way. i want to wean off as much as possible, or change meds that are safe to take while pregnant.
so this is the part that i reluctantly offer to the blogging world… the one where readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment… yeah, that one.
this is the part where i ask you to share with me… not judge… share.
what have been your experiences in terms of weaning off meds and/or changing them?
how did it affect you?
in terms of anxiety-specific medications, do you have recommendations for me? ones that worked for you while trying to get pregnant or throughout a pregnancy?
**********
thank you. truly. it’s not easy for me to click “publish” for this post. but i do respect this environment and the people in it… and i respect your input.
it should be noted that i am and have been in discussion with doctors regarding this and i’m not solely looking to the internetz to provide me with solutions. (i like you guys and value your opinions… but not THAT much.)
30 Responses to the one about my meds
Have a Sip
Oh wow am I the first commenter? Yikes. I only have positive comments. No worries.
While I don’t battle with *severe* anxiety, panic attacks and depression I do have them and am medicated for it (and truly I feel they are severe enough). I use Lexapro and did through both pregnancies BUT in retrospect it wasn’t strong enough. Major post-partum panic attacks. It was, however, deemed safe by my doctors at those times. Right now I am struggling with going back to my doc for something different because it’s no longer working. All of that being said, see if Lexapro is a pregnancy and post-partum (if you’re breastfeeding) option for you. Unless you’ve already gone that route and it isn’t enough.
Best of luck, girly! You’ll do what’s best for you and your family.
How did you do it when you were pregnant with Magoo? Or were you not on these types of meds then?
PrincessJenn´s last [type] ..WANT-NEED
ah, good call… i was on meds during my pregnancy with jackson, especially because paul was deployed for the 3rd trimester and my anxiety was heightened that much more. they were different meds and with a different doctor because we were in florida. every doctor has their own take on meds during a pregnancy and afterwards… so i’ve shared with my current OBGYN what i was on with jackson but i’m keeping an open mind when it comes to weaning off EVERYTHING (since paul would ideally be home through the whole pregnancy) or changing meds per doctors recommendation.
cripes. hope that made sense.
I can’t offer any advice about what or how to manage while off your meds… haven’t taken anything except for depression and even that’s been awhile. However, my closest girlfriend takes them, and did go off at the beginning, but about halfway through went right back on, specifically under dr supervision, and all went well.
But I really just came here to say you rock for being so open and honest. I can imagine how difficult it is – especially with the judgy mcjudgersons out there…
I know I don’t have the same issues, but going off the meds wasn’t that hard for me, and I didn’t really didn’t start noticing the lack of them until the 2nd trimester…(although others may have noticed earlier
Fast forward to today though and I am pretty “bat shit crazy” and REALLY need to get back on them. I don’t like the person/mother/wife I am when I am not on them, and I so look forward to myself returning!
While it is really hard to have mental health issues and be pregnant, it is doable, especially if you have a strong support system. I think there are also some anti-depressants that help with anxiety that are ok while pregnant, but I am not sure which ones. I went completely sans meds this time.
You can do it, the end reward is so very worth a year of insanity! xoxo
Beth´s last [type] ..Time Traveler
Wow, I applaud you for being able to be so honest and up front. I used what we call Vitamin P and took it during both of my pregnancies and it made a HUGE difference! I give you props for making sure you do what’s right for the new baby AND you!
Alana Morales´s last [type] ..Menu Plan Monday – Tastes like chicken
many thanks for the vitamin p recommendation. i’ve heard that mentioned elsewhere.
also… THERE IS NO NEW BABY… yet. i just have to plan ahead with this shit.
xo!
Oh Nic.. Much love for you sweetheart!
When I was prego with my #2, I decided to wean off everything. About 1/2 way through my pregnancy, I had a major panic attack in the middle of a work day. Bad enough that I felt like I was contracting! Awesome, right? So my doc put me on Lexapro and it helped. It didn’t resolve situational anxiety, but it did help keep the random (the “for no goddamn reason I can see”) panic attacks in check. But I was not on combination meds and I’ve never taken anything like xanax or klonopin for acute anxiety attacks.
There are several supplements that may help with that during your pregnancy that you should research and talk to your OB about (since I don’t know what the protocol/dosage/safety during pregnancy is). Like magnesium and vitamin B supplements. You can also research foods that are rich in these nutrients and breathing/talk therapies that will help lessen the effect of the attacks.
Hope this helps. xoxoxoxo
LisaUnfiltered´s last [type] ..Quiet Time Activities
I don’t have anything insightful or helpful to contribute….
But I will say this… (because the above things have never stopped me from throwing in my feelings on any subject!)
I applaud you for looking seriously at your own health, the health of your baby, and the health of your family (mental health can’t be overlooked in anyone’s case, especially children) while making this huge decision. That is awesome and so important.
I had severe postpartum depression after my daughter was born, and this is very high in my list of things to consider when we think about having another baby.
Tracie´s last [type] ..Solitude Without Hiding
I know not ALL of these are healing, but I’ve found some of them to be helpful.
http://panic-disorder.suite101.com/article.cfm/natural_remedies_for_panic_attacks
LisaUnfiltered´s last [type] ..Quiet Time Activities
just a quick mega THANK YOU to all of the awesome juju that you guys are putting out. discussions like this, in my opinion, should happen more often but it’s hard to do. i so appreciate the candor and encouragement.
that being said… I’M NOT PREGNANT!!! yet… just planning…
I don’t have any recommendations for you since I haven’t been in your shoes. I just offer love and support.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Things to Avoid When Pregnant
I think it’s awesome that you’re at least doing this safely. A lot of women probably don’t and then suffer major consequences after. Good luck in whatever you decide
becky´s last [type] ..These are a few of my favorite things
I’m interested in hearing what kind of feedback you get. I’m on Zoloft now and am pregnant. I intend to wean at 25 weeks because it’s recommended that you not take it in the 3rd trimester unless benefits outweighs risk (1% chance that the baby might end up with Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn (PPHN). This risk is decreased sixfold if you do not take during third trimester.
I’ve looked at a lot a lot a lot of information and have heard that Zoloft is the best bet over and over.
Quite frankly, I don’t trust the word of a physician as I’ve heard too many times that stuff is “just fine” to take during pregnancy, only to do the research on my own and find out that their version of ‘fine’ does not match my own. (Was told that phenergen for nausea was fine. Um…no…I was a drugged up MESS and found out that it was a category C which means it is not known if it causes issues.) Not known does not equal JUST FINE to me!
So I’m looking forward to hearing what you learn and wish you the best of everything.
I should add that if weaning makes me batshit crazy the I WILL be going back on the Zoloft. A 1% chance of the baby getting something that has an 85% survival rate is a calculated risk I’m willing to take if it means keeping my sanity and my family.
This may seem a bit harsh, but I have three other kids to consider and a husband who will go batshit crazy himself if I’m not around to help with them!
For the record, I was never really batshit crazy off the meds to begin with so it should be fine. I do, however, become a weepy and emotional raving bitch. Raving bitch might be something the family has to deal with for a few months. *wink*
Jo´s last [type] ..You know how you have a day where you wake up and it just seems that everything is sparkled with magical happy fairy dust and nothing can go wrong
I worked for a high risk OB for a long time, and their line was always something like, “Don’t forsake the mother for the child.”
You have to balance the pros and cons, risks versus benefits. If there is a chance that your anxiety and panic problems could cause you to harm yourself or your baby, no matter HOW small, the drugs are less of a worry. No matter what.
Your safety and sanity are paramount. You are an amazing mother, with special thanks to the help you receive from these chemicals. Pregnancy is a VERY trying time, and not always the best situation to experiment with what will or will not work. The best possible option is to reduce your dosage or mix of medications to the lowest possible while still feeling relatively normal.
And then feel good about what you’ve chosen, no matter what it is, because it’s right for YOU.
<3
Mandy´s last [type] ..This Blog
I read a fantastic book that not only helped me wean off of my meds, but has kept my depression and anxiety under control. I’m not at home right now so I don’t want to give you the wrong info – if you want to look it up right now, go to my blog, click ‘health and nutrition’ category and then click the link for the post I did on weaning off of lexapro. Too much work, I know. I wish I could remember the name right off the top of my head! Anyway, it helped me figure out what *vitamins* I need that balance out my whack-a-mole hormones and chemicals, and I must say: HIGHLY EFFECTIVE. Love you, sweets, and I’m so proud of you for hitting publish!
Just wanted to stop by to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. And that whatever decision you make will be the best one. There are meds out there that are safe for use during pregnancy, and if you feel that going without could be bad news, don’t do it!! If, on the other hand, you want off for your pregnancy, then you have the inner strength and fortitude to do that as well. I, too, had to wean off something before getting pregnant this time, and I’m going to find and send you the list of herbs and minerals I was given from my naturopath. I just love you to bits, my dear. I’m here…even if it’s just to talk to. You are the epitome of perseverance and beauty in my eyes…and you can do anything in this universe that you choose to do.
Tricia´s last [type] ..Spinning
Been there sister! I weened completely off of my medication while I was pregnant. I was taking Lexapro and my doctor said it was safe for my babies, but for some reason, I just wanted to be completely off if possible. So I did. And I was lucky postpartum and didn’t have a really hard time. But I truly believe it was luck.
I am so glad you brought this up today. No one talks about these things and it can be so confusing and scary. Post pregnancy I feel completely different than before pregnancy and I don’t feel like my Lexapro is doing anything for me anymore. I am currently trying to decide what to do myself.
So while I don’t have any advice on what you should do I would just like to give you a big hug and tell you I am proud of you. It’s hard to talk about this stuff and it’s really hard to deal with in regards to pregnancy.
Heather @ Brace Yourselves´s last [type] ..Menu Plan Monday- Numero Uno
Wow you are in a tough spot. I’d say I don’t envy you but I’m totally there too. So really, I don’t envy us.
See, I have borderline personality disorder. I’m on an anti-depressant, a mood stabilizer and a big bad anti-psychotic. None of which are safe for a baby on board. And yet here I am discussing a third with my husband (this spring if at all). So yes, this winter, after the holiday season ( I work retail. You WILL NOT take my meds from me during the holiday season.) I maybe get to wean myself off of all 3 and then be off them for almost a full year.
The thing of it is, anxiety is bad but I’m borderline psychotic without my meds at times. Anxiety, rages, suicidal depression. Cookoo crazy omg make it all stop.
At the same time, as hormonal as I get during pregnancy, I’m at my best mental health wise when knocked up. So really I just have to survive the weaning process and the trying for baby process. Once pregnant, I’m fine.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, you don’t really know what will happen until you go for it. And if you want Magoo 2.0 really and truly, it’s worth the risk. Just take it slow and make sure you have a mental health plan in place.
All through my second pregnancy I went to both a meds doctor and a therapist religiously. I nursed for 2 weeks then I weaned the baby onto a bottle and went back on my meds before postpartum (so bad the first time around. So very bad.) could kick my ass.
So go for it. Take it slow. Make sure you have a team of help in place. Get Magoo 2.0 then go back on meds. You can do this.
I am slow on the uptake, since you posted this two days ago.
Anywhoooz, I was on a lovely cocktail of meds before we decided to get pregnant with our first. I weened off of them all one by one before we started “trying”.
I was on Prozac for depression, xanax for severe anxiety, and some other sleep medication.
I wanted to make sure I was off everything for a month or so before getting preggers- to see how things went. I always knew that something like Zoloft would be an option if needed. I was in therapy at the time, and do remember going more frequently, just for added support. Don’t know why, but like Karen (above), I was at my mental health best when I was knocked up!
It went well for me… I chose to stay off the meds, and have been med free since. I suppose every situation is different. I went on meds to help myself cope and heal from a traumatic event. I wasn’t on meds for a long term chemical imbalance, and don’t have a history in my family.
The fact that hubs will be with you for the pregnancy is a very good safety net.
You’re so awesome.
I knew I loved you.
MommyNaniBooboo´s last [type] ..Don’t mess with the mommies in workout gear
As always I think you rock for your strength and honesty. I had my very first panic attack 3 weeks ago. I am a non-worrier, non-stesser and it took me by complete surprise. I thought I was dying and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I am just reassured by reading this that people experience them and survive. Sounds dramatic but for reals, I thought I was dying AND going crazy and it was terrifying and I am super fearful of another happening so randomly like that.
Hope you find a healthy solution to your meds situation so that you can have that second baby when you choose!
xoxo
Ashley´s last [type] ..Never thought Id have to choose
Nic I just want to send you hugs and kisses and say that you are doing a great job as a mom by considering your options and being honest and trying to find the right solution for you and your family and your future little bean. It’s takes a lot of courage to put this out here and I applaud you.
XOXO Mama!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last [type] ..Raising a Real Miss Universe
Meds is a subject that is never very far from my thoughts. I went on meds for the first time (Paxil) in my early 20′s after my physician was finally able to convince me that some people just need meds. I was depressed for years growing up, although, since it was “normal” to me, I didn’t recognize it as such. I think my mom thought I was depressed & had me in counseling for a while, but looking back, I don’t think she did enough. But that is neither here nor there.
I also had angry outbursts (I can remember a few episodes as a child even). The kind of anger that bubbles up from your toes until the only possible release you have is to throw something, anything.
Lost my insurance, went off meds, was okay for a while, got bad again, struggled with the decision to go back on meds again, felt like a failure at life again, realized I needed them, blah, blah, blah.
Married, not getting any younger, decide it’s now or never time for a baby because I’m NEVER going to be “ready”.
Because I am a perfectionist and wanted an A+ in pregnancy, I had conversations with my physician about our plan to wean me off meds, to ideally be 100% off when I became pregnant. I was terrified, but hoped with all my heart that I would be one of those lucky bitches who’s pregnancy hormones cancelled out the crazy & everthing would be just perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
At this time, I was on Zoloft (with xanax, as needed) and over a period of several weeks, got my dosage down to .25 mg (or was it 25 mg? probably 25. whatever it was, I was breaking my pill into quarters).
I was lucky enough to go off the pill in June and find myself pregnant in August. It was fucking surreal. *I* don’t get pregnant, *other* people get pregnant! If I had known how easy it would be, I wouldn’t have wasted all those years worrying that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant because I “had a feeling I couldn’t”.
I finished weaning myself over the next week or so, and at that point, I was still really hopeful that I would be okay. Mind over matter right? BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
So that was the very end of August, beginning of September, and I’d say I started going nuts around October? I had good days and bad days, and maybe a good week & then several bad weeks, and then it was mostly bad, all the time.
I wrote about it on my blog at the time, although I left out the parts about being suicidal every day, and how I prayed that I didn’t lose that teensy weensy bit of sanity I had left in my brain because. I was dangerously close to hurting myself in any number of ways (oh yes, I thought about the hows of it. I could just not make this sharp curve, and go off the cliff instead, but what if the car hung up in a tree, this spot’s no good….), and yet, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it truly was for fear that they would put me in the hospital. I live in a small town, which I know shouldn’t matter, but it does. I personally know a fellow who works in the psych ward at the hospital. So yeah. Little awkward. Especially when everyone thinks you have your shit together.
When I allowed them to help, my family & friends were supportive. My husband? He could have done better. But that’s in the past. I faked my way through work with red, swollen eyelids from the endless sobbing. Sometimes ugly, hysterical, wailing, sometimes silent sobs on the way to work while my husband yelled at me to JUST STOP CRYING!.
My family & friends were supportive when I let them, but I was so depressed & in such a dark place (we won’t even talk about the crippling, constant anxiety), and I honestly felt that they would be better off without me. I wasn’t worthy of having a family, even the one I was growing in my belly. I had decided that instead of killing myself (because what if it didn’t work, and I lived and the baby died? or worse, what if I died, and the baby lived? I was crazy, but I couldn’t let the baby live with that kind of fucked-up for the rest of her life). I would have the baby & give her to Adam & they’d be great without me. I would just ruin everything.
I was certain I was passing all that bad energy, negativity, despair, and crazy onto my baby. How could I not be? She was inside of me and was a part of me. I was going to have ruined my child before she was even born. Of course I didn’t deserve to have her.
I should have mentioned prior to now that I was open (as open as I was with anyone else) with my doctor (a new doctor; mine had moved & wasn’t an OBGYN anyway) about my crazies, and she had often suggested that I go back on meds.
I remember confessing to her that I could identify with those crazy mothers you see on the news who’s crazy-switch flips one day & they drown their kids because, oh, I don’t know, they WOULDN’T STOP CRYING!, but the anxiety of taking medication that could potentially harm my baby far outweighed my desire to ever smile again.
Appointment after appointment, I denied my doctor’s offer of meds. Not even a low dosage. Then one day; a Friday in February, week 26, I gave up. I couldn’t take another day of feeling like that. I just couldn’t. I called my doctor’s office and begged to get an appointment. My doctor said that if I ever was in an emergency situation, that I NEEDED to have reception find her or her nurse, so I did. She got me in that day; the last appointment before the weekend. I sat in the exam room & cried, mostly out of relief.
My doctor had assured me that at this stage in my pregnancy, anything that could have gone wrong with the baby, would have. Meaning, if my baby had a heart defect, I could rest easy that it was lousy genetics in the heart department, and not because mommy was weak and needed medication so she could survive.
And let me tell you, I felt like myself again after THREE DAYS. I smiled again, and I hadn’t smiled in months. MONTHS. I was finally able to enjoy my pregnancy, something that for all I knew, I would never experience again. I loved every wiggle, kick, achy bone, and sleepless night. I was finally able to start planning, and getting the baby’s room in order. I finally got excited about my pending baby shower, and actually registered for said baby shower before I had to be asked for the thousandth time, Have you registered yet? My husband said he finally had his wife back, and it felt like I was back.
The rest of my pregnancy went fairly smooth, and all my crazies lessoned to a manageable level. My daughter turned 2 in May, so now I’m dealing with the fun of that. Did I say fun? I meant TORTURE. No really. She’s awesome. So smart, and thoughtful and nurturing, and funny, and did I mention smart?
I’m still on meds, although different ones because I’m finaly seeing a psychiatrist who’s been working on finding the right balance for me. I also know that meds aren’t the answer to everything, and that I have to re-train my way of thinking. I see a therapist on alternate weeks from my shrink, and that’s been extremely helpful. It’s been a year of self-awareness, FOR SURE. I’ve had more epiphanies over the past couple months than I ever would have imagined.
Like you, I just want to be a good mom. Having a daughter makes me want to be a better person. I want her to be proud of me, and I need to be emotionally healthy for that to happen. I need my daughter to see me taking care of myself. What kind of example to her would I be if I didn’t? I can say whatever I want to her, but she’s going to learn what she sees.
At any rate, that’s my story. I guess it’s a little more than a “comment”, but I hope my perspective & experience helps a little.
Hugs ~
Tracy
holy crap. I just saw how long my comment was. my apologies!
tracy´s last [type] ..requisite birthday post
wow, you are all just blowing me away with your candor, support and encouragement. i am so grateful that this conversation is taking place not only for me, but for so many of you who are commenting and those who are reading and learning about all of our experiences with and without meds at different points in our lives.
i’m trying to get back to each of you, individually, via email… but i am (obviously) a little behind.
thank you so much for you input and your kind words to me, to each other and to yourselves.
i’m so grateful for this discussion and for each of you.
Ok I have no insight or knowledge or wisdom to add at all. Granted nothing new there.
I do have comments to add, pretty much substance-free. Again, nothing new there:
First – great post, you are brave to put it out there, I found it interesting and I learned stuff, granted stuff I will never use. So it is like geometry.
Second – warm thoughts and best wishes to you, this will all work out how you want it to!
Brahm (alfred lives here)´s last [type] ..Stupid Things That Annoy The Crap Out Of Me- Special Travel Edition
I’m coming in SO late on this. I wasn’t on meds during my first pregnancy and I went off them for my second.
I think you’re approaching this from all the right angles. If you wean off your meds, you know what to watch for and I trust you and your doctor and your husband will all look at what the best options are for you.
A couple of alternative things to consider: Biofeedback. Acupuncture. Reflexology. These in and of themselves might not cover all the bases, but they may be able to help you with symptoms, that is if you can find an affordable provider or they’re covered by your insurance.
I hope it comforts you to know that if you decide to go for 2.0 that you will be loved and supported by many throughout your journey.
Hugs,
Mary
Barnmaven´s last [type] ..Me and my big mouth
Hmmm…this is tough. I have depression and anxiety and I’ve been medicated since I was 18. I’m almost 31 now. When I found out I was preggo the first time I was on Celexa, so I had to go off. I was concerned, but I ended up being okay off meds and being pregnant. I think it was because I was in CBT at the time (Cognitive Behavior Therapy). I am now preggo with #2 and the same thing happened. I was on Celexa, got knocked up, had to go off, and it was harder this time intitially, but I feel okay now. I’d say if you HAVE to go off meds, be in therapy. But there is stuff you can take during pregnancy too.
Old School/New School Mom´s last [type] ..With This Ring I Thee Wed
Well, I’m honestly not sure what type of meds you are taking. An SSRI, I’m assuming? Have you considered an SNRI? I’m taking a combo, right now, but they do make just the norepinephrine component as well. This is the chemical that regulates your “fight or flight” response, and very well might be helpful to you. I don’t know about pregnancy. Would be worth asking your doctor about, though!!
*big hugs* No judgement, here. Nothing but love, sugah
Kellee´s last [type] ..Before I’m Thirty