SWOON! (see also: cupcakes, crowns, crafts)
yes, there are other adorable kiddos who are in jackson’s preschool class. i’m just not comfortable posting pictures of other people’s children here. that’d be weird and awkward… but mostly just weird. i’m responsible for enough weirdness. happy valentine’s day! wear a condom… (shit, see! awkward and weird.) but still… wear a condom.
the one where i refer to pubic hair as grass
yup, i just wrote “pubic hair” in the title of this post. sorry mom.
confession: paul and i are lazy when it comes to bathing jackson. i know, i know, he’s two and a half, goes to preschool, is all germy mcgerm… but we don’t bathe him every day.
sometimes, we go TWO DAYS without giving him a bath.
and somedays, we just toss him in the shower with one of us, which lately has turned into an interesting adventure.
he’ll bring a few squirt toys in the shower (which consists of tub and curtain) and play and splash. either paul or i, which ever one of us is with jackson, goes about our business and jackson occupies himself. sometimes, to make things super fun, i even plug the bath tub and he gets all happy and wonderful because it’s like a combo deal.
once either paul or i are done cleansing ourselves we then wash jackson and voila, you have yourself a showered parent and child. kinda goes along with that whole “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with their oxygen mask” thing.
obviously we’re pretty comfortable with our son seeing us naked at this point in time. i mean, we’re not a “naked family”… i’d get too cold. but, we are perfectly fine changing in front of jackson, running down the hall to the laundry room sans pants to fish clothing out of the laundry that has been washed and dried but not yet folded.
so it should really come as no surprise to me when paul told me “jackson peed on my foot while in the shower.”
but it did. i did the whole wide-eyed “HE DID WHAT?!??”
because i’ve never… NEVER peed in the shower before.
::side eyes::
anyway, jackson was playing in the shower, paul was… showering, and jackson took it upon himself to scope out his own penis. so he announced it to paul, “dad, what’s this?” and paul responds, “that’s your penis.” showering/playing continues and then jackson says, “DAD HAS A PENIS TOO!!!” and paul responds, “yes, all boys have penises.”
and then jackson says, “AND DAD HAS A PENIS AND JACKSON HAS A PENIS AND MOM HAS A PENIS TOO!!! ALL THE PENISES!!!”
apparently jackson couldn’t contain his excitement (though we do make him pee in the potty before showering) and thus urinated on paul’s foot in the shower.
while rinsing off, paul attempts to explain that only boys have penises but jackson is too enthralled with this new discovery that he runs down the hall to find me.
“MAAAHHHHHM, JACKSON HAS PENIS!!!”
“i know baby. isn’t that great?”
“AND DAD HAS A PENIS AND JACKSON AND MOM HAS A PENIS TOO!!! WHOLE FAMILIES PENISES!!!”
::BLINK::
::BLINK::
::BLINK::
paul saunters out, tells me, “jackson found his penis and then peed on my foot in the shower.”
super.
so a few days pass, cuz ya know, we don’t bathe our kid, and today i bring jackson in the shower with me. he gathers a few bath toys, i plug the tub for the combo shower/bath deal, and all is well.
while i thought jackson was playing, i take a moment to rinse shampoo out of my hair. shame on me for closing my eyes while doing this. because it was during that 42 seconds of shampoo rinsing that jackson took it upon himself to pat my vagina thus touching my pubic hair.
::PAT PAT PAT::
i say nothing. absolutely nothing. i don’t know what to say. i don’t want to be all “JACKSON, JESUS CHRIST DON’T TOUCH THAT!!!” so i say nothing. we finish our shower, hop out, and dry off.
after i dry off, i wrap my towel around my hair, jackson has hit hoodie rabbit towel wrapped around himself.
“mom’s all dry now.”
“yup bud, shower is all done. we’re all clean and dry.”
then this little hand comes unraveled from the hoodie rabbit towel, pats my vagina and asks, “mom, what’s that?”
“uhh…”
he ceases the patting and then pulls, “mom, THAT… what’s THAT?”
“it’s grass, jackson. that’s mommy’s grass.”
discipline styles: good cop? bad cop? no cop?
a friend of mine, who i originally met through blogging (and shall remain nameless), once told me “3 is worse than 2.” she and i have sons of similar age (jackson will be 3 at the end of april) and it seems as though i hear my friends voice in my head EVERY DAY as jackson approaches 3 years old.
it’s more than just an age thing though. like all things associated with parenting, we learn as we go. we figure out what works for us and our little ones with time and experience. trial and error. whether it’s breast feeding or formula, when to start solids, pacifier or no pacifier, co-sleep or crib… the questions we parents ask ourselves are endless.
so, i decided to add one to the list… what is your discipline style?
(if your style is to not have a style, please share too.)
paul and i determined our parenting styles before jackson was born, and like i said, with age and experience, things alter and circumstances change. like i said, ya learn as ya go.
we are a “timeout household.” timeouts are how we are currently disciplining jackson, and it seems to work well with him because he is a little one who MUST BE INVOLVED IN EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING. when he realizes that he has crossed a boundary, thereby receiving a timeout, he is immediately remorseful.
i imagine, as jackson gets older, that taking away privileges will offer similar results… but i could be wrong.
because i am the stay-at-home parent, the majority of the disciplining in our household comes from me. i put jackson in timeout much more often than paul does… part of that is because i spend more time with jackson… part of it is perhaps because i try not to waver in my boundaries… my husband does not do this as well. he also has eleventy times more patience than i do.
so what about you? how does disciplining your child(ren) work in your household? are you consistent? how does that affect your dynamic with your partner as you find your discipline style?
comments below are much appreciated. also…
i’d like to CHAT LIVE on this very topic this tomorrow, THURSDAY, FEB 10 at 1 PM EST. please join me at the international delight’s coffee talk community and share your insights… OR I’LL GIVE YOU A TIMEOUT!
(omg, what i would GIVE for my own timeout right now!)
when it’s almost too much
yesterday i read a beautiful, vulnerable, and poignant post written by ryan, of pacing the panic room… a post that hit so close to home.
i’ve followed ryan’s blog for quite some time, admired his exquisite way of capturing the sweetest of moments through the lens of a camera. and while i have read blog posts of his that have resonated with me, this one struck a chord with me deeply and i have not been able to stop thinking about it.
last night i watched jackson and paul play. i listened to them chuckle with one another, bang toys against each other, enjoy some father-and-son time.
i had no desire to interrupt that precious time and join them.
but not because i want paul and jackson to have their own experiences, their own laughs, their own jokes and games and moments. no, i had no desire to interrupt them because of the guilt i currently feel.
this guilt that i experience every day comes from my own depression and crippling anxiety that i’m battling.
connecting with my husband and my son, in their moment, laughing and enjoying time with them only makes me ache for more… ache for the baby that i was pregnant with and miscarried.
then i instantly become overwhelmed with sadness, feeling like i should be grateful for what i have. i want desperately to take pause and be present. the reality of it is that my present is a dark place right now. my present is filled with sadness that i have not allowed myself to feel until now.
i’m finally grieving the baby we lost.
allowing oneself to grieve requires a lot of work, especially when you have the crazies to begin with.
life intervenes… tonka trucks need to be picked up. cardboard boxes beg to be colored on. tickles require tickling in order to get to the giggling.
while i do all of that, try my hardest to be present with my son, play with him, laugh with him, color and interact and read… i want to cry. i need to cry.
jackson will be 3 in april. 3 years old. we wanted him to have a sibling by now. we wanted to expand our family. i long to watch jackson teach another little one how he plays and creates. i ache to see him in the role of a big brother.
in these moments that consume me multiple times a day right now, i have to remove myself. i hide in the bathroom for an extra minute before jackson comes and finds me. i wait until paul comes home from work and then take some time to sit alone and collect myself before starting dinner and continuing with our evening. i make a conscious effort to not let jackson see mommy upset.
but the truth is, i have slipped up, as any imperfect person would do. jackson has found me crying, hugged me and said, “don’t worry mommy.” he has looked at me with his soulful brown eyes and asked “mom, are you happy?”
i want to say “YES.” i want to be me… the me that i was before… the me that i know is there, somewhere.
ryan’s post gave me pause. his words and admission of things being out of focus, even the pictures he took being out of focus, hit me like a mack truck.
i don’t know ryan. i don’t know his family. he does not know mine. but he taught me something yesterday. he taught me about perspective, about focus, and about work.
i am working to get me back. i have taken steps in the right direction to make that happen, and will continue to do so. between medications and working out like a frickin maniac, i hold on to shreds of sanity.
but i need to remember to have patience with myself, and accept that this kind of work takes time.
the pressure of feeling like i need to snap out of it is not helping with my healing. i want to snap out of it… for myself, for paul, and certainly for jackson.
in the meantime, i need to allow myself to have my moments, my time to grieve in the hopes that jackson is not too affected… but who am i kidding, kids are smart.
like right now, jackson just walked in and told me that we’re going to the grocery store to get all the food and pick out new fruit snacks. he scrawled his request on the grocery list.
then he steamrolled across the bedroom floor on top of all his plastic dinosaurs and wondered why he has ouchies.
peeping mom
jackson thoroughly enjoys the celebrity songs of sesame street. so much so that he often demands, “MORE SONG” after said celebrity finishes the song.
so i captured it on video… like any good mother would do. (PS: turn your volume UP.)
this first clip shows a very underwhelmed magoo, simply rockin’ some foot tappin’ action…
if you cannot view the above video, click here.
after requesting “MORE SONG,” i replayed it for him (thank you DVR for your bountiful glory) and out came an interpretive dance of sorts… until he realized i was recording him…
if you cannot view the above video, click here.
**********
for those of you who can’t see or hear what jackson is dancing to because my video capturing skillz are less than stellar, here’s the song he was jammin to today…
and no, i was not compensated in any way, shape, or form, for this post… minus the fact that i will totally use this one day when jackson is dating, and that in itself will be priceless.
Have a Sip
