language barrier
“mom, look at me. i’m a patasa.”
::looks up and sees jackson upside down on the couch::
“jackson, what’s a patasa?”
“MEEEEE!!!! laugh mommy LAUGH!!!”
::side eyes::
**********
“mom, look. i made a patasa!”
::shows me an upside down mr. potato head::
“ok, so can mom make a patasa too?”
“yup yup yup. all the patasas! whole family patasas!”
::we both make upside down potato heads::
**********
“LOOK AT ME MOM!!!!!!!!! I’M A BIG PATASA!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“jackson, you tucked your legs up under your shirt. WHAT IS A PATASA?!?!”
::3 year old hysterical laughter::
“uh, well mom… patasa is a potatoes.”
“is jackson a patasa?”
::nodding head::
“but you’re not a potato…”
“it looks like NOT A PATASA.”
::3 year old grimace::
“ok, then can you SHOW ME a patasa?”
“NO, IT’S NOT.”
**********
“jackson, where are the patasas?”
“IT’S NOT A PATASA!!!”
“well then where did they go?”
“in the daddy patasa.”
“where is the daddy patasa?”
“over there. patasa.”
::points to front door::
“is YOUR daddy a patasa?”
::nods head::
“mmhmmm…”
“are all daddies patasas?”
“what about mommies? are mommies patsas?”
“YES!!!! mommy’s a patasa. daddy’s a patasa. jackson’s a patasa. red’s a patasa.”
“so… everyone is a patasa then?”
“no. that’s not it.”
::HEAD DESK::
**********
question of the week: WHAT THE HELL IS A PATASA???
angry birds
the weather here has turned gorgeous. granted, it’ll most likely only last for another 76 and a half hours before something catastrophic happens to change the course of the weather patterns (also, watch out on may 21, just FYI) but really, it’s been gloriously beautiful in the baltimore/dc and surrounding areas as of late.
a nice, crisp 65 degrees with sunshine and a breeze coming off the bay in the mornings, and a high in the low 70′s. it’s been my ideal weather for driving with my windows down… well, partially down b/c i don’t like to mess up my hair that much. i work too hard and use too much product to get it looking the “effortlessly messy” that it normally looks.
point being, i’ve been driving around with my windows down.
strange thing happened to be the other day… and as per usual, when strange things happen to me, i took to the twitter with it…
anyway, it’s been a few days since this incident occurred, and being the lazy ass super busy parent that i am, i haven’t had energy time to have my car washed.
yesterday, i took jackson to spend a gift card he had received for his birthday. we approached an intersection where roadwork was taking place and i was forced into the far left hand lane, with the crew painting arrows in the middle lane.
just out. painting. IN A MAIN INTERSECTION. in the middle of the day.
of course i get the red light at said intersection and my windows are rolled down and the road crew takes a look at the surrounding vehicles. as the crew stood there IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC, i couldn’t help but think about the way some people are when it comes to the whole “pedestrians have the right of way” law.
you know the people who will enter a pedestrian walkway regardless of the amount of high speed traffic taking place at 3:30 in the afternoon. they’ll walk out IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC and whoever is driving will be forced to stop, because, ya know, that’s THE LAW. then the pedestrian gives this look, a look like “yeah. that’s right. stop your car even though you’re running late for carpool. stop your car and watch me walk because THE PEDESTRIAN HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY.”
so the road crew scopes out my peace wagon and i don’t realize they are pointing at my car until i hear laughter that is so overwhelmingly loud, it drowns out lady gaga. jackson is entirely enthralled with all of the road crew equipment, so he is of no help when it comes to paying attention to what is going on around me.
then i am approached at my open window by a member of the road crew.
“lady, you need a car wash!”
“no kidding. you offering?”
::laughter::
“nah, i’ve got work to do.”
(uh… you’re not doing it if you’re talking to me dude.)
“funny thing is, i had rolled up my windows just before this happened.”
“WHAT?!?!?”
“yeah, true story. i had just rolled up the windows before the bird unleashed the fury of its bowels on my car.”
“awww damn. you got lucky.”
“i know!!! i should’ve bought a lottery ticket.”
::more laughter::
the light turned green, i waved goodbye and made my left turn through the intersection of death.
fast forward to this morning. i still haven’t mustered up the energy found the time to hit up a car wash.
i pull up to jackson’s school for drop off and one of his teachers comes out to the car and gets him out of his car seat. her eyes widen and for a split second, i wonder if she smells the fart i let go of as we turned in that hadn’t yet wafted out of my open windows.
“girl, you have got some ANGRY birds in your neighborhood.”
(phew… ok, she didn’t smell my fart.)
“ohhhh, i know. i’ve been getting laughed at and looks with each traffic light i’m stopped at.”
“seriously… what on EARTH?!?!”
“well, funny thing is, i had JUST ROLLED UP MY WINDOWS right before the bird pooped a plenty.”
::shakes her head and hoists jackson up onto her hip::
“MOM HAS ALL THE BIRD POOPS ON THE CAR!!!!”
::laughter::
“so, i guess now you have to keep it looking the way it does… if it’s making people laugh…”
::shrug::
i wave goodbye, head back home to shower, because while i may not clean my car, i do clean myself, sometimes. and then it struck me… jackson’s teacher gave me the go ahead to continue in my slothful manner and not clean my car.
BONUS!
so, if you’re a reader and you find yourself in this neck of the woods, and possibly scope out a peace wagon looking like this…
just know that it’s all for a good cause. i’m keeping my car shat upon for the sake of laughter and smiles. the things i do for you people!
what happens when i need to zone out?
an A to Z meme that *may* tell you more stuff about me… ::THE CROWD GOES WILD::
i stole this one from jules of mean girl garage, who stole it from jen o. of my tornado alley, who stole it from i don’t know/care where because i have the itch to write SOMETHING in an attempt to escape the current frustrations, irritations, and madness of dealing with reality.
A. Age: 30 years and 1 week
B. Bed size: king, and it still doesn’t offer enough space. i married a sprawler.
C. Chore you dislike: shouldn’t the question be “chore you like?”
D. Dogs: we have one dog named red. he’s a 5 year old yellowish lab who was recently diagnosed with epilepsy. his favorite thing to do is lick his ass… and now shake every so often, causing me to have a heart attack.
E. Essential start to your day: coffee and checking email. then making the bed. once coffee has been consumed, brush the teef.
F. Favorite color: green. all shades of green. except for puke green because that’s just gross.
G. Gold or silver: both, worn together. mixey matchey.
H. Height: 5’9
I. Instruments you play(ED): i have a guitar that i played for a few weeks a couple of years ago. now it collects a lot of dust and i can’t even remember how to tune it. i like to pretend i know how to sing, so does my voice count as an instrument?
J. Job title: snarky loon.
K. Kids: uno.
L. Live: yes. yes, i do… except on the days that i don’t, but most of the time, yeah, i try.
M. Mom’s name: mom.
N. Nicknames: sassy britches. mooooooooom. hey.
O. Overnight hospital stays: one, when jackson was born…. a few more after jackson was born but those were his hospital stays, i just stayed overnight because ya know, that’s what the mom does.
P. Pet peeves: stupid people. idiots irritate me. also, people who give me the stink eye before i give it to them.
Q. Quote from a movie: what’s a movie?
R. Righty or Lefty: righty but always wished i was a lefty.
S. Siblings: one brother.
T. Time you wake up: 7:15
U. Underwear: bought at target… currently riding up. thank you for asking.
V. Vegetables you don’t like: beets, but then again, i’ve never had beets before. i’m just assuming i won’t like them. that’s probably unfair of me.
W. What makes you run late: my kiddo. anxiety.
X. X-rays you’ve had: i broke my kneecap almost two years ago and had an x-ray on that. it wasn’t exciting.
Y. Yummy food you make: grilled cheese. nachos. brie (but you don’t really “make” that). i like cheese.
Z. Zoo Animal Favorites: elephants.
good times, heh? i feel much better now. i’m sure you do too.
…we are the lucky ones…
to all of the phenomenal women who have come before us, taught us, loved us, and shown us how to be a mother figure to another human being… whether you have birthed us, adopted us, saved us, hugged us, survived us… we thank you for your wisdom and unconditional love.
Have a Sip
