i have a parasite. living in my gut. worming its way throughout my intestines and bowels and every time i eat something, it spastically unleashes the fury of itself in the toilet.

(sorry mom, usually i write about jackson’s shit. today it’s my shit.)

anyway, i eat… and then i potty… and then i’m starving.

which sucks entirely because i eat all day long. like normally, on any given healthy day.

i have at least 3 breakfasts, 2 lunches, snacks in between, and dinner.

all day long. every day.

as i type this post, i’m snacking on cheez-its.

so you can imagine what it’s like right now, eating as much as i do, results in me shitting nonstop.

at first i thought i had food poisoning at the hands of my mother because i was at her house when the current resident of my intestines decided to say HELLO and squeeze the life out of my bowels.

i blamed my mom, though her cooking is righteous. she felt horrible for days. i’m fairly certain she has bleached her kitchen twelve times since last sunday.

then i thought i had ecoli, possibly from taking jackson to my parent’s pool where we swam in the pee pool and waded in its disgustingness.

then i thought i had some stomach bug. tons of people have been talking about a stomach thing that’s been going around and pissing people off b/c WHO GETS A STOMACH BUG IN THE SUMMERTIME?!?!?

wrong. wrong. wrong. i was wrong about it all.

according to the doctor, i tested positive for cryptosporidium. ya’ll, it’s so damn nasty that i can’t even talk about it. if you have the balls to click the link and read about it, then yay for you.

i will not be blamed for your nightmares.

so the reason i was so stumped this week in trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my gut, is that i’ve had no other symptoms aside from awful intestinal cramping and the shits.

no fever. no vomiting (i hate puking more than ANYTHING else in the world). no body aches or feeling lousy. none of that.

just a lot of pain and a lot of shit.

i guess i should be glad to have an answer, ya know? be glad to know what’s going on in this warped body of mine that has lost 6 pounds in the last 4 days.

i hate not knowing shit.

also, i can look forward to the new wardrobe i will buy when my 2 weeks of hosting this little fucker is up. (it dies after 2 weeks.)

and, i’m kinda glad it’s not some permanent stomach thing that forces me to eat jamie lee curtis’ poop yogurt.

those commercials weird me out.