if i were all graphically inclined to do awesome shit with my computer, like most people who have a blog are, this is where i would place an image of a vodka bottle with the label reading ABSOLUT MADNESS and a picture of me crying and pulling my hair out.

perhaps i would add some sort of tornado design circling around me.

and tears. can the vodka be made with tears? human tears. not unicorn.

it’s not that kind of vodka.

i’ll keep my day job. stick to words.

i do hereby vow to rub the feet of all single parents around the world. seriously. i will rub your feet. it may only last for a few seconds, possibly a minute, depending on how quickly my hands cramp up, but i have the best of intentions.

with this being day 2 of single parenting jackson while paul is on the west coast for the week, all i can think about is ZOMG WE’RE MOVING IN 5 WEEKS AND PAUL IS GOING BACK TO A SQUADRON AND HOW THE HELL DO I DO DEPLOYMENTS WITH A KID!?!?!

deployments SUCK.

no, scratch that. any time away from the one you are madly in love with SUCKS. period. the end.

did i mention that after 2 months of being seizure-free, my dog started having cluster seizures yesterday, shortly after paul left for the airport.

THIS IS ME SMILING AND SAYING “I GOT THIS. I’M ALL OVER THIS SHIT.”

yeah, so how do you handle that? please tell me. how do you handle explaining dog seizures to your 3 year old who is asking, “why is red shaking?” or “how do i stop it?” or “do the shakes hurt red?”

thus far, i’ve gone with straight up honesty, but now that i am sleep deprived and questioning every single teeny little decision i make because I AM THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS LITTLE PERSON I HELPED TO CREATE this week, i wonder what the rest of you would do with your kidlets.

baby, red is shaking because he doesn’t feel good.

i want to stop him from shaking, just like you do, but i can’t.

can you help me pet him and say ‘it’s ok, red’?

he’s going to be ok. we’ll get some medicine from the doggy doctor.

yes, it’ll stop some days but today is just a bad day for red.

you know that feeling you get when you’re emotionally spent and THIS CLOSE TO CRYING in an effort to release these emotions of yours but you don’t want to lose your shit in front of your kid so you stifle it and as your eyes water up with tears, you just think to yourself “DON’T YOU FUCKING SPILL OVER, TEARS. DON’T YOU DO IT!”

…and then your 3 year old lays down next to his dog on the floor to comfort him through a seizure.

yeah. THAT.

i know… I KNOW… things could be so much worse. believe me, i know. paul is on the west coast this week for a funeral.

so please put away your pitchforks and just let me cry.

because at this moment, mickey mouse club house is on and all i hear is donald duck’s voice that i could never ever understand, and my kid is spilling trix all over the couch because he’s trying to dance and jump at the same time, and it’s the same trix that he didn’t finish last night for dinner, and we had trix for dinner because we were at the vet with the seizure dog through what is normally our dinner time.

and it’s only 8:25 am.

and i don’t make the coffee as good as my husband does.