nipplebreasts and other things
i can’t tell which are larger, my pregnant nipples or my pregnant breasts. this godforsaken first trimester is almost over (HURRY UP TIME, GAH!) and i’m already into my maternity/nursing bras.
i’ve never understood it when guys get all excited because they’ve knocked up their woman AND ZOMG THE PREGNANT BOOBS ARE AMAZING. really, they’re not. i mean, sure they’re HUGE, so if you’re all “bigger is better,” then ok fine… but keep in mind, big can be a bit scary at times, especially when you can’t figure out which is which, the breast or the nipple.
THAT WHOLE THING IS THE NIPPLE?!?!?
yes, yes it is. ::waggles eyebrows:: wanna get it on?
i fear the size of my nipplebreasts 6 months from now. FEAR. i’ve tried to think of a fruit that they may resemble by that point in time, and i can’t come up with one. this is probably because no fruit exists that large. trees cannot hold fruit that large from its limbs. it will die.
as is my self esteem. dying. slowly.
anyway, this week i did much babbling, over at ‘being pregnant’ so you should scope it out. we discussed all kinds of fun stuff, like the super powers of the pregnant woman’s nose. i taught the internet something new about how cool my dog is (pretend like you didn’t already know). and i couldn’t not share a story that my friend told me a few nights ago about her husband wigging out about their alien spawn. then i wrapped things up nicely with a little ribbon of love when i told you about jackson’s latest tantrum of awesomeness that makes me wonder how young he will be when he sees the shrink.
claustrophobic block
this first trimester has been kicking my ass. i hate to complain because i know that the morning sickness, afternoon sickness, aching boobs, mood swings, exhaustion, and abundant acne are all good physical signs that my body is doing what it’s supposed to be doing right now.
and for that, i’m truly grateful.
but i’m feeling so incredibly unattractive lately, and so NOT in the mood, which then makes me feel bad about my amazing husband in waiting. so patient. totally not understanding of the fact that i feel claustrophobic when i’m pregnant. after all, my body has been invaded by another being. THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.
he has been sweet and kind and taken such great care of me.
and i could not care less about giving him any action.
it’s so sad. i can barely handle snuggling right now.
but i’ve got less than 2 weeks til this trimester is behind me, and then… GAME ON. because seriously, SERIOUSLY people, there is nothing else hotter in the world than a man with a kid.
ok, there is… the only thing hotter than a man with a kid, is a man WITH KIDSSSSSSSSSSS!
my mom is fainting right now, or squealing
the fever. i thought i had it bad BEFORE i was pregnant. oh no. no no no.
my friends, this fever is baaaaaad and it’s contagious.
purify your water. jump AWAY from the bandwagon. or… ya know… don’t.
but don’t tell me i didn’t warn you.
also, GIVE ME ALL THINGS BABY RIGHT NOW! I WANT IT ALL! FOR ME!
all of these images can be found on my pinterest page. (also, see that little one up there in the spaghetti and meatballs costume? jackson asked why there is poop on his head.)
LOOKIN’ GOOD JACKSONVILLE
HOLY SHIT, IS THIS A BLOG POST?!?!? LIKE, A REAL ONE?!?!? ONE THAT DOESN’T JUST CONSIST OF CUTE PICS OF MY KID TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE LACK OF CONTENT?!?!? I BELIEVE IT IS!!!
so i just spent the last hour and 15 minutes watching the old woman who runs the local laundromat. her name is ms. sharon and she looked as though she needed a hug, and a meal that did not come out of a vending machine.
one of the washing machines was leaking, and little old ms. sharon came over to investigate and then proceeded to beat the shit out of it until it started to work again.
no, i’m not kidding. not even a little bit.
to my left was ms. sharon kicking a washing machine’s ass in her knee socks and slippers, and to my right was a cross dresser who rocked an afro like i have never seen before.
it’s magical here, y’all. straight up magical.
i was at a laundromat because we are currently lacking our washer and dryer as well as the rest of our belongings. as it turns out, though we are in our lovely new home, our shit is still on a truck… that has to make 2 stops before reuniting with us.
and thus, a chunk of my afternoon today was spent at the laundromat.
but we’re here! we’re back in good ol’ j’ville and it feels like we never really left, except for the fact that when we left here to go to maryland, jackson was 9 months old and he is now nearly 3 1/2. aside from that little tidbit, TOTALLY feels like we never left.
went to my new vagina doctor today, who is splendid and has a way with a speculum. (i’m just sayin… ladies, you know when an ob/obgyn knows how to work a speculum. YOU CAN’T FEEL IT. that is key. if any doctors or doctors-in-training are reading this blog, work on developing that skill. your patients will thank you AND MEAN IT.)
the jelly bean is good. i’m rockin’ a solid 9 week old bump that closely resembles the bump i had when i was 4 months pregnant with jackson. really, i just look like i have a large food baby. pics to come once i retrieve my camera gear as well as some underpants.
i got to drink the amazing orange sugar delight of a beverage that you’re given when you take your glucose test TODAY. and yes, i get to do it again between 18-20 weeks. why did i get to do it today? because i’m special, that’s why! since paul and i make rather big humans, they wanted to check my sugar levels at this stage in the pregnancy. i dunno… i just do as i’m told.
so, what have we learned so far today? glucose beverages are yucky. i’m carrying a food baby consisting of pizza subs, ben and jerry’s, and a few gallons of milk. we’re in our new house that lacks everything except for air mattresses and fold-out chairs and suitcases.
oh!!! and i’ve been babbling… so if you’re wondering about the status of my boobs, click here. if you want to tell me about how you broke the “i’m pregnant” news to your kid(s), click here. if you have ideas on how i can create a room that jackson and the jelly bean will be sharing, click here. and, if you think you’re the only pregnant person who checks the toilet paper every time you wipe, click here. you’ll feel better.
oh, and here’s a cute pic of jackson to distract you. he’s welcoming you all to our house… just don’t come now. we have no furniture. or food. or anything really.
and then i died of lovey love loveness
when i showed this ultrasound pic to jackson, i told him, “this is the baby that’s growing in mommy’s belly right now. it’s your baby brother or sister.”
he took the picture out of my hands, looked at it and said, “i sure do love it.”
so do i, bud. so do i.
Have a Sip
