i walked jackson to school this morning. his chilly fingers in my hand. backpack weightless with 3 preschool nothingness and everythingness at the same time. we walked together for the first time, on our first morning just the two of us.

for the last two weeks, paul has been home with us, adjusting with us, unpacking with us. he has helped me with my daily burdens and to-dos as i’ve sluggishly moved through this first trimester.

so this morning, i munched on a poptart before getting out of bed, choked down my yucky feeling, and prepared myself for the early hours with my sweet son.

he’s so tired in the mornings, which makes me think how on earth has he gotten through the last few weeks with a smile on his face?

he smells like morning and pee and eye crusties. his hair sticks up in the back, like mine does. and he asks for mini muffins.

he is such a gift. this morning was such a gift.

he munches his muffins under a blanket, still warm from his bed. i finish getting ready (puke-free thankyouverymuch) and pack jackon’s snack for school.

i hear him giggle at the television while i’m dressing him. his first day going to school in his “new school jeans.” so big. i wrap him in his jacket and then in a hug.

we lock up and start our walk together. hand in hand.

brrrrr… it’s chilly, mom.

i know baby, isn’t it nice? the breeze? the sunshine?

mmmhmmm. it’s not summer anymore.

nope. you’re right. it’s not summer anymore.

the pool is closed today, mom.

yup. the pool is closed. good thing though, because it’d be really cold.

he jumps and scrunches his face and does a dramatic, “BRRRRRRRR!!!”

before we know it, our walk is over and he is leading me to his classroom. kids noisily await the morning announcements while placing snacks in their cubbies. jackson hugs me and joins his friends for circle time.

see ya, mom. have fun today!

you are my fun, sweet boy, is all i can think.