no. i’m not going. for those of you who follow me on twitter, you are aware of this… probably have been for a while. and for those of you who have unfollowed, if not blocked me, on twitter, yet continue to read my blog (yes, i see you) then perhaps this is news to you.

so, in order to fully embrace the pink elephant that has existed for nearly 10 months, here’s the deal… i gave my ticket away. months ago. it’s gone. been gone. to a wonderful human being… to someone i admire, someone i respect and someone who continues to blow my mind with her strength and inner growth.

my only regret is that i will not be able to hug this amazing woman.

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but back to the elephant… my hate mail has heightened since another blogger, a very well-known blogger, endured her own experience very recently and posted about it. as per usual, word spread quickly in the blogosphere and in the land of twitter.

as for me, i was at my cousin’s wedding, in austin, tx, when this occurred and yet my phone blinked and vibrated with incoming messages, emails and tweets.

and when i felt my phone vibrating inside of my clutch, i was left to assume there was some sort of internet drama taking place that people were making me aware of. (after all, i was sitting in a chapel with my entire extended family. obviously no one was trying to reach me about the death of a family member. those calls are the worst.)

anyway, i don’t know catherine. we do not correspond on twitter or elsewhere. but once i got myself up to speed on her story, her experience, i empathized with her. while i may not know her or “know” her (as those of us bloggers can come to “know” one another without truly knowing one another), or even be one of her eleventy followers, i empathized.

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then i read a thought-provoking post yesterday on mamapop.com and i couldn’t help but take some time to be quiet and reflect.

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how quick we are to respond… myself included.

but how slooooow we are to let go. i mean truly LET GO.

we want instant gratification.

and ultimately…

life is too short.

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part of me envies this nifty aspect of men that i have heard about and even been witness to on rare occasions. men are wired so differently than women, and whether the “grudge-holding” wire was once cut in their brain and thus set a precedent… i dunno… point being, men get over shit.

some men.

those men who still have that wire fully intact, find themselves emailing me and/or commenting me just as much hate as women, or referring to me in the comments section of other blogs as one of the “few bad apples to leave such a strong impression,” or continuing to create false twitter accounts using my picture and/or name.

so i ask you, yes YOU, those of you who continue struggling with letting go…

have you thought for just one second that you have prejudged?

have you been criticized yourself? like, ever? on a continual basis?

have you had others bring shit up to you that causes you to roll your eyes and think to yourself “really?!? you’re STILL thinking about this and asking me about it AGAIN?!?”

and lastly, why on earth can’t you let go?

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if you think that i’m not talking about YOU in this post, you’re wrong.

i am. all of you.

but don’t worry, you won’t see me in NYC. i’m visiting friends the sunday and monday after the conference. i won’t run into you.

i’m not giving the keynote.

but if i were, it would have been something along the lines of this post, because ultimately, this ugliness that continues to manifest itself here and there is not about me, it’s not about catherine either or any other blogger who has posted something remotely controversial on their blog.

it’s about us all.