weekend parasols, picnics, and picture taking
*EDITED* i collected the photos below and constructed this post yesterday evening, long before the news about death of osama bin laden had broken. this morning, i am choosing to go ahead with publishing this post, sharing what a fantastic weekend i had with my family, enjoying the company of friends, both new and old, seeing the smiles, hearing the laughs… in the hopes that it brings comfort on a day when i find myself conflicted. wishing you all a peaceful day.
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we spent saturday afternoon at the USNA vs. St. John’s College croquet match. this event included much lounging, lunching, and lingering with friends and strangers. my favorite part though… was the people watching… experiencing life and fun and joy.
to view the entire set of shots i took this weekend, click here.
the potential for more
my parents got married when they were 19 years old. they’re still together and disgustingly adorable. i say that with genuine admiration, because it’s wonderful knowing that you have been raised by two people who are so deeply in love with one another.
they spent some time apart after graduating high school. my dad moved out to texas. mom remained in florida. she made a quilt when she wasn’t writing him. the quilt is something that i can remember being draped over our couch for years when i was a child. each square of the quilt has a message on it… a date, a name, a memory.
i took that quilt with me when i went to college.
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when paul and i were engaged, i had a conversation with my dad about the impending wedding. there were sweet words that only a father giving away his only daughter can share. there were laughs as he asked me if one of my best friends, a bridesmaid, would still have pink hair come wedding time. (FYI: she didn’t, but when her hair was pink, she rocked the hell out of it.)
at one point during that conversation, i remember my dad shaking his head and chuckling. i asked him what was so funny and he responded with “my peace loving, free spirit of a daughter is marrying a navy pilot.”
i laughed with my dad. i couldn’t believe it myself… sometimes i still can’t.
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it’s funny when you take time to reflect on the loves in your life… the people you let into your world at different points in time. people who come in to your life and stick around, for a while, forever. people who go but left their mark on you and influenced you in some way. people you have influenced. and people you have yet to interact with.
the potential for more…
no matter how much i plan and attempt to organize my life, i am continually amazed by surprises… those things that i didn’t plan for.
good things and bad. the potential for both, every day.
you would think i’d be used to this concept by now, but i’m not.
the unexpected is a frightening thing to me. it’s always there. it’s always a possibility. and that is difficult for me to embrace.
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after being married to paul for over 6 years and together for almost 12 (jesus!), one would think i’d have gotten used to what he does for a living, and all that is involved with it.
but i’m not used to it.
in all honesty, i doubt i’ll ever be used to it. i’m actually quite removed from it… by choice. paul is constantly teaching me new things about his job, how it changes, and the history behind it… how he grew up in this lifestyle, how some of it is new/different, and some has remained the same. my father-in-law does this too, sharing bits and pieces.
sometimes i think they do this for themselves, to remember.
they both know what to expect from this lifestyle, for the most part. at least they seem to. they “get it” and i don’t.
so i hum along. i listen to their stories and explanations. i question A LOT.
and i keep going. hand in hand with paul… and now with jackson too.
the day will come when jackson has questions about this lifestyle that paul and i have chosen for ourselves and our family. questions will come probably sooner than i am anticipating.
he will wonder why his daddy goes away some times. he will learn the art behind letter writing. he will come to appreciate “welcome home” parties. and in the same way that i have learned one’s family contains many more people than those you share DNA with, jackson will learn that too.
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we planned on having a sibling for jackson during our time here. the timing to get pregnant, while we knew paul would be home, was something that was important to both of us. he didn’t get to experience my entire pregnancy with jackson, arriving home mere weeks before the magoo joined us in this crazy world over two and a half years ago.
but it wasn’t meant to be… right now.
i have since spent some time reflecting on the concept of family. it means a lot to be a part of a family, to love through good times and bad. memories are made, some things are never forgotten, and without realizing it at the time, we grow from it all… becoming who we are as (GASP) adults.
we gain strength, character, patience. we keep what happens to us with us… people with us… experiences. but we continue to move forward and welcome the new.
the potential for more.
and so it goes…
for the last 5 days, each phone conversation that i have had with my husband has begun as such…
“hey,” i say. jackson screeching in the background as my mom and dad whisk him away so i can focus.
((((long pause))))
“i still don’t know anything,” are the first words out of his mouth.
and those 5 words NEED to be said immediately after i have answered the phone in order for him and i to attempt to carry on any sort of “normal” conversation beyond the not knowing… beyond the obvious ugly.
once that has been established, some questions are asked from my end… questions that i cannot share here but wish i could.
he and i attempt to discuss other things. talk about jackson. ask about our families.
we continue to duck and run, bob and weave, dodging what we dread so very much… being separated for a VERY long time, with him being called away to a place that keeps me awake with nightmares in the earliest hours of the morning.
i have these conversations with myself during those wee hours of the morning when i wake up startled and scared.
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we dodged the bullet this morning. he was not chosen to leave at this moment in time.
i’m grateful. i’m relieved. i’m breathing at a steady pace.
but i’m still frightened.
this looming THING that we have been spared from for the second time in just a couple of months still looms.
it arrives with full force, announcing its presence with a thunderous roar.
and you wait.
and wait.
you duck. cower. look left and right. weigh your options.
you bob and weave.
and then what was this all-consuming THING vanishes in an instant. as quickly as the snap of a finger. and you are told that you are spared.
today we were spared.
but someone else was not.
someone with a family. someone’s husband. someone’s daddy. someone’s brother. someone’s son.
and so it goes…
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THANK YOU from the depths of my soul for all of the encouragement and support you have provided me with since my last post that i was not even given the ok to publish until yesterday. i have the greatest readers on the face of the planet. you are all gold, and i hope you know that i truly am grateful for each one of you. you allow me to be me in my space. accepting me at face value. and at the end of the day, that’s all i could possibly ask for.
Have a Sip
