i thought of this post while sitting on the toilet last night. fear not, it was only a # 1 and not a #2. nevertheless, i was on the pot, taking my last pee time before turning in for bed, when i did something that prompted this post.

i bent in half to finish peeing.

there, i said it. i put my head to my knees, while sitting on the toilet and bent my upper body in 1/2 in order to fully empty my bladder. usually this keeps me from getting up in the middle of the night to pee, but not always. i do this all the time… the bend in half thing. i’ve done this for the last (almost) 19 months since the magoo.

and so doing this, once again, last night, got me thinking…

in terms of body-issues, vanity, bodily functions (basically leaving the emotions and gushy unconditional love stuff out of the equation), what do you wish you had known before you had a baby???

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i asked my mother, my sage, about this very thing a few months ago… the pee thing. we were in a restaurant, and both of us had gone to “powder our noses” at the same time. while in my stall and mom in her’s, knowing hoping no one else was in the restroom with us, i asked her point blank, as i bent my upper body in half.

“do you have to bend in half to totally pee??? like… TOTALLY pee…”

she laughed in the stall next to me, flushed and said, “yup, that’s whatcha do after you have kids. sorry to say.”

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thinking about the fact that i have to now bend my upper body in half while sitting on the throne of glory in order to fully empty my bladder, led me to consider other bodyish thoughts… and i realized there are TONS of things i wish i had known about my body, and what would happen to it, as a result of having a baby.

****WARNING: some of the information below may be considered TMI; however, i’m assuming those of you who are already parents, regardless of whether you are the mother or the father, are well-versed in this stuff… those of you who are parents-to-be, well… you may want to close your browsers if you’d rather just figure things out on your own. lastly, dads, please feel free to jump in with thoughts, wishes of your own.****

now for me, i obviously wish i had known that i would have to bend in half for the rest of my adult life in order to fully empty my bladder.

i wish i had known that regardless of how long a mother nurses her child (should you choose to be a nursing mother), the saggy post-nursing boobs you gain will cause this ring of sweat underneath your boobs that always makes me feel like i need to wear a sports bra to absorb the excess sweat. this also means that i constantly occasionally battle the saggy post-nursing boobs pimples due to the sweat.

i wish i had known that regardless of whether you have a vaginal delivery or a c-section, your belly will NEVER be what it once was, unless you have eleventy-and-ten dollars to spend on a personal trainer and chef. (and chances are, if you find your new family with additional funds at the end of each month, those monies will most likely NOT be spent on a personal trainer nor a chef, but on diapers and wipes and diaper genie liner refills.)

i wish i had known that i will always have (what i call) my “belly-on-belly”… this is the upper portion of my belly that includes my belly button and then folds where my c-section scar is and poofs out below, thereby creating the lower belly. though i am a size 6-8 (a 6 on VERY good days that consist of me eating VERY little due to running around with the magoo and forgetting to eat) and i stand 5 ft 9 in tall, i will always have the “belly-on-belly.”

i can’t speak for those who have blasted babies out of their vag because the 9 lb 6 oz magoo was cut and delivered out of my abdomen, but i fully encourage those of you who have delivered vaginally to explicity share TMI details for all to benefit from.

i, for one, am very interested to hear about vaginal deliveries and the aftermath of your body (ok, your vag) should our next child be a vbac baby (vaginal birth after cesarian).

****NOTE: this is in NO way meant to imply that we are even CONSIDERING getting pregnant with our second ANY time soon. the question is posed to simply serve the purpose of conversation and sharing of experiences. (sorry mom.)****

to continue… i wish i had known that my post-baby body would require so much caffeine to get through the day that the amount of money our family spends on coffee, sugar and coffee creamer would equal the amount that we spend on diapers.

i wish i had known what partially digested hypoallergenic formula smelled like and felt like when regergitated on my body repeatedly; especially when i found said partially digested hypoallergenic formula down my shirt, my sports bra, dried and crusted on my neck, and occasionally in my hair. (it should go without saying that i also wish i knew how much that formula would cost.)

alright… that’s what i’ve got so far… and now i have to go run after the magoo…

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so play the vanity game along with me and share what you wish you had known before you had a baby (post-baby-bod version.) the more explicit, the better!!!