a place of calm
when we were young(er), grossly in love, swoony high school kids on spring break or summer vacation, paul and i referred to mornings spent sans shower, in the sand, splashing amongst waves, slathered in sunscreen and sunkissed with doses of vitamin D as being ‘beachy fresh.’
one thing he and i have always shared is a true love for all things beach related. if we could, he and i would spend our days raising kids in a smallish beach bungalow, windows always open, drunk on salty air and sunshine. bob marley in the background and the squawk of seagulls. sand would litter the kitchen floor.
i took 397 photographs last weekend, while at gigi’s (my gramma) beach house. three hundred and ninety seven (i know, there should be a hyphen somewhere but i can’t remember where because i’m too focused on the enormity of that number). for those of you who are photographers and much more savvy when it comes to picture taking than i, this probably sounds menial to you. for me, it’s like HOW MANY SHOTS OF MY SON’S SANDY SHADOW CAN I TAKE? oh, i can take 397 thankyouverymuch.
yesterday, in an attempt to upload these photos and tinker with them, i nearly crashed my laptop (yes, i have an external hard drive, and no, i’m not totally certain on how to use it but i’m learning). it dawned on me as i was chatting with gigi on the phone last night, telling her the number of photos she can expect in the mail in the coming weeks, that our family of (almost 4) three really NEEDED that weekend.
we needed a sanctuary. we needed to be somewhere that held deep meaning to both paul and i. somewhere jackson had been to once before and will return to many more times in his future…
one of these next times, of course, with his little sister. he will have the opportunity to show her the beach and teach her about our love of all things slow, quiet, and relaxing. the sand. the waves. the sounds. the sun. he will be able to do this in the same ways that we have passed it along to him.
monday would have been my grandfather’s 80th birthday. he and jackson share a middle name, ray. being with gigi this weekend brought up a lot of fond memories, delicious cheesecake, a few tears but mostly laughter. as jackson approaches the age of 4, his understanding of his family members, both living and deceased, amazes me. children are so smart and open.
we were blessed with glorious weather and jackson treated the end of january as though it were the fourth of july. when it was time to say ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’ to his gigi, this little one rested in the only way that a child worn out from a love affair with the beach can… with reckless abandon and an abundance of drool.
more photos to come, i promise. first, i need to shake the sand out of my clothes.
also, to those of you who have left sweet messages, comments, and emails to let us know that you’re thinking of us as we prepare to say goodbye to paul, THANK YOU. truly. your kindness does not go unnoticed.
forward movement
i’m coming off of a week of sheer excellence with my family. when we drove away from my parent’s home yesterday, i wiped tears from my eyes because our time together had been THAT GREAT. the holidays are always hectic for us, chaotic and stressful, but for whatever reason, the time that my little family of three (with one in the oven) had in my parent’s home was cozy, comfortable, and easy.
we played. we slept. we laughed. we ate. and then we played some more, because that’s what three year olds require of you. and it was wonderful. all of it.
so we move forward. we come home. we take down our tree. we look at 2012 calendars and then pause to relish in this moment for just a second more. then we keep moving on… because we have a lot to look forward to.
when your heart and belly are full
you know that feeling of a nice long holiday weekend whereby you eat and sleep and nap and eat again and snuggle… rinse and repeat? and then you snoop through the weekend album of photos on your iphone and take a moment… because it was such a great weekend and a great holiday. and you find yourself thankful all over again.
because little faces like this one end up spending more time in your bed than usual, especially when they run a fever and have a scratchy, raspy voice from a cough that breaks your heart into a million pieces.
and that little face, that’s going to be a big brother in 4 + months, seems to be aging so much quicker than you could’ve ever imagined. you watch him pick out ornaments for his first family christmas tree. and then you realize that it’s your first family christmas tree too.
and then you eat. you share food and pass plates and ooohh and aaahh over how delicious the meal is that you are sharing with those you love. so you make more, with the help of your favorite kitchen assistant.
the next thing you know, an elf is skeptically welcomed into your home and your son takes a hold of your brother’s heart so much so that he relives his own childhood while playing with superheroes.
and just when you think you cannot possibly fit one more delectable delight in your belly, and you fear your heart will explode from the gratitude you feel, you realize that you have another little life on her way. and it dawns on you that you will always be able to make room for more goodness.
i got nuthin but pics for ya
and love. always love.
i shot different events for the jacksonville film festival this weekend. as of yesterday, i pulled something not fun in my back and have felt like i have the body of an 85 year old who needs calcium supplements and a chiropractor.
there are a couple of vagina doctor appointments on my schedule this week, and stories about jackson are never ending, so hopefully i will be back to my normal mommy blogging self soon. until then, feel free to scope out these shots and many others on the jacksonville film festival flickr page.
imma go fix myself an ensure milkshake and lay on a heating pad.
Have a Sip
