Posts Tagged ‘i don’t know’
quite possibly the best blog post ever conceived
PrincessJenn Munching on fresh cheese buns from the bakery. It’s my own personal kind of heaven right now.
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MyBottlesUp @PrincessJenn i would so flash you for a fresh cheese bun right now.
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ArtistMother @PrincessJenn @MyBottlesUp I would flash MY fresh cheese buns for one from a bakery.
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Anne54304 @PrincessJenn Would it be wrong of me to call you an evil food teasing bitch right now?
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a list of awesome and hot
i’m entirely behind on pretty much everything at this moment. we just got home from one wedding and we have 3 more to go in the next 7 weeks, which means that i am UP TO HERE with laundry and dry cleaning so that we can turn around and repack our hanging bag full of uncomfortable dress clothes and spanx.
for the record, spanx totally serve their purpose and i’m very grateful for the ones that have the pee hole in them because pulling those things down to pee and then back up is next to impossible, especially after consuming wine. so thank you for the pee hole, spanx.
(no, they did not pay me to say that. i’m just generous.)
where was i???
ah yes, i’m behind on everything…
1) groceries
2) photography projects
3) deadlines… self-imposed and non-self-imposed
4) web projects
5) finishing the book
6) blogging
7) washing my hair
figuring out why this stupid smiley icon with sunglasses is in place of #8 of my list
9) emailing artist about new tattoo concept
10) writing about new tattoo concept
11) responding to emails that have sat in my inbox for way too long
12) making fun of pitches i have received (stop calling me “Mrs. Bottle”)
13) reading up on YOUR blogs
14) bills ::headdesk::
15) keeping up with blogher@home
16) potty-training the magoo
17) promoting the calendar i got naked for
18) spraying myself with tan in a can b/c it’s too damn hot to go outside
19) researching preschools for the magoo
20) bathing
21) cleaning my kitchen that is fruit-fly-infested *gag*
in other news… my husband is hot and he watches out for paparazzi. due to his hotness, the above list has gone to shit.
14 Comments »
riddle me this and put on some pants
*UPDATE* speaking of building friendships and community, i’m guest posting over here today. i’m flattered to have the opportunity and stoked to share some blog love. so click on the little survey down below, then scroll back up and click here to continue the hand-holding and singing of kumbaya. kthanks.
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there’s this wee little babe that was once created by a dear friend and i with the purpose of building relationships and friendships through an online community during the exact same weekend that other bloggers would be attending a conference that serves a similar purpose in real life.
if you’re curious as to HOW BlogHer@Home.com became the lovely lass she is today… click here and then read our love story and THEN ask (or remind) yourself WHY BlogHer@Home?
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done with our history lesson?
so, answer me this, oh readers of mine… WHY AREN’T YOU PARTICIPATING?
this year we have two INCREDIBLE WOMEN who are cohosting and we have a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF GIVEAWAYS.
so, in order to find out what gives, i’m conducting a poll… it’ll remain anonymous, unless you want to leave a comment below with your info.
i wanna know, why aren’t y’all participating, getting free shit, connecting with people through @BlogherAtHome on twitter and watching the hashtag for #BHAH to see when winners for giveaways are announced, when twitter parties are coming up, and how this whole thing is going down?
what's stopping you from participating in BlogHer@Home?
- WTF is Blogher @ Home? (46%, 6 Votes)
- i'm too busy and have short term memory loss (23%, 3 Votes)
- the giveaways don't interest me (15%, 2 Votes)
- i don't wear pants and would rather look at porn (15%, 2 Votes)
- i'm going to NYC and don't care (1%, 0 Votes)
Total Voters: 13
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13 Comments »
eleventy. yup, that’s right, ELEVENTY.
as the beginning of july creeps up on me (not you… me), i feel an overwhelming sense of list-making coming on and covering me like a blanket… a wet blanket… a wet wool blanket covering my head and draping down my body so heavily that it’s hard to keep my head up because my neck hurts.
and, it’s potentially suffocating.
the lesson here: don’t ever play hide-and-seek and hide under a wet wool blanket. you will die.
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we have eleventy weddings to attend in 7 weeks.
translation: “eleventy” is the numerical equivalent to 4.
2 of the eleventy are long-distance-travel-worthy, requiring airfare… and not just for paul and i, but now, because the magoo is 2, he is deserving of his own plane ticket to be dropped off at the grandparents’ nests of spoiling and cuddling and getting whateverthehell he wants.
kid needs to get a job.
2 of the eleventy weddings are driving distance.
nevertheless, we have 4 weddings within 7 weeks. i’m just hoping a funeral isn’t thrown in the mix.
shit, i just jinxed myself and now need to call everyone i know to make sure they’re still alive.
neither paul nor i are in any of these eleventy weddings, so that saves the cost of a bridesmaids dress, multiple shower gifts, etc.
BONUS!
don’t get me wrong, we love… like MEGA love all of our peoples who are choosing to rock their worlds with this marriage thing.
i’m totally crossing my fingers behind my back right now and giggling.
seriously, we do love them all… dearly.
but marriage is hard.
marriage has like eleventy components to it, and in the almost six years that i’ve been married, i have yet to identify what the majority of the eleventy even are.
so i’m screwed.
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i hope there isn’t a test i’m scheduled to take at some point in time during my marriage in which i have to identify all eleventy components that make up a successful marriage.
i just won’t show up on exam day.
crap, what if exam day is one of the days of one of the eleventy weddings?
adding “number 2 pencils” to shopping list…
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also on my list: a new pair of spanx… the full-body kind.
10 Comments »
watching wannabe LOST
otherwise known as Persons Unknown…
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me: HURRY!!! it’s the summer-time version of LOST.
paul: (((hurrying))) ok, it’s back on.
me: SMOKE MONSTER!!!!
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me: “just SHUT UP you former psycho patient who claimed to be a shrink 2 episodes ago.”
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me: “is this a flash sideways?”
paul: “no. that’s the actual reporter.”
me: “oh… well, i’m so glad hot blonde chick is kicking the fat car salesman’s ass right now. that was way overdue.”
paul: “yeah, he’s a douche.”
me: “hey!!!!!!! it’s the ship!!!!!!!!!!” (a helicopter, but same idea… sort of.)
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*unknown package drops from helicopter. canisters are empty, except for two.*
me: “who has gas masks?”
paul: “i dunno. i don’t even know this show well enough to know the characters names.”
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me: “so, did he kill his wife?”
paul: “that’s what the video showed.”
me: “that’s the dude from speed, ya know… on the bus…”
paul: “that’s also cameron… from ferris bueller’s day off.”
me: “yeah, well, he’s a killer now.”
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me: “is that dharma initiative beer? or is that coke?
paul: “i don’t know.”
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(((SMOKE MONSTER)))
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me: “time to take the dog out and go to bed?”
paul: “well yeah. i mean… we won’t miss anything.”
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me: “this is all about BIG BROTHER, isn’t it?”
paul: “i dunno.”
me: “IT’S YOUR JOB TO SAY ‘I DUNNO.’”
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(((piano playing by ex-psycho patient)))
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me: “oh no. that can’t be good.”
paul: “WHUUUUUUT?!?!?!”
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me: “i wonder what flavor it is?”
paul: “well it was obvious that was the next thing coming.”
me: “what?!”
paul: “the flavor of the ice cream.”
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paul: “why are they wearing raincoats?”
me: “does someone die? cuz otherwise, i really wanna go to bed.”
2 Comments »
now what?
image credit: google images
10 Comments »
i’m too lazy to google blossom’s real name
ok, so i’m on the porch of my friend’s new home, facing the water, sipping coffee… and sweating like a pig because they are still getting air conditioners installed. it’s a GREAT home and totally reminded me of our home in jacksonville that i miss so desperately. i think i love this home and i’m so excited for my friend because i know she will truly make it THEIR HOME.
our first house was a train wreck when we moved in it. seriously, it looked as though a train had wrecked inside of the house. paul thought i was nuts (duh!!!) and i was all “oh look at the potential… we could paint this… and knock out this wall… and landscape here…” and paul was all ::WONKY EYE:: “are you fucking kidding me?!?” but over time, we made it our own and redid every single room.
so, i’m on my friend’s porch, dripping with under-the-boob-sweat, and our little men are playing together and scaring the family cat and my friend and i start discussing potty training. her little boy is 2 and some change and jackson just turned 2 at the end of april and apparently once you hit the 2 year mark, you start talking potty shit.
we’re not “training” like reading books and going sans diaper and sticker charting and big boy underpants, yet… jackson has a potty that he likes and he sits on it when either paul or i are on our toilet. jackson LOVES to give you toilet paper and LOVES to flush. cuz ya know, that’s a very satisfying feeling, to flush the toilet and watch the contents go down the drain.
my friend’s potty “training” is similar as of now, and this summer, she plans to tackle it a little more strategically. so yay for that.
at this point in our convo, she tells me that she has a friend who potty trained her 18 month old. cool. groovy. major props. i couldn’t do it… but i applaud you, my friend’s friend.
she then asks me the question that caused me to nearly drop my coffee cup…
“have you heard of those moms who potty train their infants? like their baby-babies?”
my silence and eyes popping out of my sockets cued her to continue… and she told me of someone she knew who had informed her of how she had her baby (BABY) potty trained at 4 months of age.
WHUT THE WHUT WHUT?!?!??!
my friend, not at all surprised by my surprise, goes into explicit yet informative detail about how her friend had picked up on cues and facial expressions her baby would make that were indicative of an oncoming bowel movement.
ok, i’m with ya… nodding head… recalling jackson’s scrunched up face and grunts…
my friend then tells me that after witnessing those cues from her baby, the mother then held her 4 month old over the toilet and that was how the child was potty trained.
WHUT THE WHUT WHUT?!!?!
so THEN my friend tells me that after her friend relayed this info to her, she started looking info up and found out that blossom… you remember blossom… the tv show… teenage chick who wore the denim hat with the big ass flower on it all the time… had a best friend named six… ok, i’m getting off track. ok, well, blossom apparently did this with her baby(ies) i don’t know how many children blossom has… AND since no underwear is made to fit infants (BECAUSE THEY’RE USUALLY IN DIAPERS) she made loin cloths for her baby(ies) in lieu of underwear.
alright, so if blossom can do this, i’m totally trying it out with our next kid, because then i figure by the time that kid is crawling, having been totally potty trained by 4 months of age via loin cloth underwear, i can train him/her to uncork a bottle of wine… or at the very least, start the coffee brewing in the early morning hours.
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ALSO… head over to BlogherAtHome for a chance to win a SIGNED COPY of Aidan Donnelley Rowley‘s brand spankin new novel, Life After Yes. In other words, click YES… YES… or HELL YES to enter.
22 Comments »
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