migraines

tense

someone is behind me.

at all times.

not touching me. no contact is made.

but just there.

always present.

and i’m always aware of the presence.

my mind works against me.

i try to distract myself from what’s behind me.

wash the dishes.

sort laundry.

get outside.

(though some days outside is scary)

write… lots and lots of writing.

some drafts. some published.

(ok, most drafts)

the magoo helps.

his laughter helps.

but someone is still behind me.

breathing.

softly but noticeably.

the hair stands up on my arms.

my own breathing gets shallow.

i close my eyes and will the someone away.

i lose.

sleep is my enemy.

someone is then in my head.

inside.

my teeth grind.

my back is tense.

shoulder muscles turn into rocks.

i wake up sore.

and tired. always tired.

make my someone go away.

a lil kooky

anytime paul leaves to go anywhere, whether he has left the country on deployment or just gone downtown to a concert, his mother has told him to “watch out for the kooks.”  always.  it never fails.  she still does it to this day.  

and i giggle to myself each time she does it…  because i am the kook.

i love my mother-in-law; and it has just recently come to my attention that she doesn’t realize that i am the kook in paul’s life.  (all hell will break loose when she reads this post.)  
yup.  me.  i’m the kook.  
and on days like today, when i am beat-down-exhausted after spending a week of awesomeness in atlanta… seeing family, meeting friends, celebrating my brother’s college graduation, my birthday, and mother’s day with my gramma (talk about a KOOK)… i get a little “wack-a-doo,” to borrow a brilliant phrase from a favorite college professor.
i digress…
i’ve searched my apartment for my friggin camera chord to upload awesome photos from my last week and write this spectacular post about multiple celebrations, la, la, la…  (and don’t get me wrong, that post will come in due time), but i can’t find my f-ing chord.  the chord is needed, and i can’t find it.  i know i packed it because i put it with my phone charger chord, my mac book chord, and all the other gadgetry chords i needed… i know i did.  
didn’t i?

but instead, today i write a kooky post about nothing.  i say kooky things that make people spit out their water at their computer desk because they read my facebook page where i discuss the migraine that jackson’s screams are inducing in my head.  i get comments and thank yous for reversing people’s biological clocks, and respond with kooky banter about how hanging out at our house while jackson is getting molars is a more effective form of birth control than the pill.
so you’ll just have to excuse me today… cuz i’m a lil kooky.  my wonderful husband cleaned our apartment before jackson and i arrived home yesterday and now it’s a mess of toys, cheez its, sippy cups, laundry… an unmade bed (my pet peeve) and all. 
shit, did i even brush my teeth today?
   

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