when shit hits the fan
tuesday… right? today is tuesday?
yes, ok… the 6th. right? the 6th?
paul’s birthday is friday.
cards. can’t forget the cards. mine, jackson’s, and the dog’s.
THE BIG GIFT. must NOT forget THE BIG GIFT.
my knee resembles the balloon jackson got at trader joe’s.
even the reddish tinge. nice.
got an orthopod to see me today at 2 thanks to a cancelation.
someone must love me.
mother-in-law arrives tonight so i can be off my feet for the next 3 days.
magoo and i head to atlanta saturday.
sunday i go help with the twins. THE TWINS.
shit, my knee.
fuckin baby gate.
crap, i cussed twice in two sentences. mom will be mad.
i want my mommy.
new ottomans come today.
yes, ottomanS, plural… we got two.
our couch is 9 feet long.
we are big people. we need big furniture.
i hope this orthopod gives me better drugs than vicodin.
if i have to go in an MRI tube, i will lose my shit.
whatever, my shit is already lost.
i should start packing for seattle/portland trip.
returning from THE TWINS trip with 24 hours to repack and head out west for 10 days.
10 days no magoo.
cue tears.
but yay, cuz i’m getting this tattoo!!!
rowan tree branch (paul's birth tree)
dad will not like that i’m putting it on my arm.
“rut ro reorge.”
i’m an inked mom.
i LOOOOOOOVE being an inked mom.
no, i don’t see myself going back to teaching.
my master’s degree will not serve a purpose in the future.
i’m a writer.
i have 4 book proposals going.
i just started writing fiction!!!
holy crap, can’t believe i just wrote that.
I’M WRITING FICTION!!!
i’m stoked.
i’m a mom.
i’m a writer.
i’m a gimp.
dammit i better not need surgery on my knee.
*big sigh*
how do people do this with more than one child?
honestly?
how?
oh, and how do people do this with their placenta???
tom… katie… suri… scientology… whut???
no, i didn’t just say that.
eyebrow wax thursday.
CANNOT forget that.
i need an agent.
really need to get on that and make that a priority.
need to call in some favors…
need to have my fuckin knee not make me want to drive an ice pick through my eye cuz maybe that would hurt less.
don’t trip over baby gates.
don’t get your foot caught on the handle of the baby gate as you step over it.
just take the damn thing down to walk into the next room.
sure, it might be more of an effort… but heed my words you parents of not-yet-toddlers.
don’t trip over baby gates.
seattle/portland bloggers, i will be out there oct. 17-27th.
let’s hang.
i think i’m running out of last minute favors to ask of my mother-in-law.
seriously. she should start running a tab on me.
i’ll have to be bed-ridden the next three days in order to help with THE TWINS come sunday.
oh i can’t wait to see my rach.
nana will have three straight days of magoo… and then return with pops to have 10 (yes, TEN) straight days of magoo while i’m out west with paul.
i’m a spoiled bitch.
can i ask for percocet?
can you ask for stuff like that? just out right ask for it?
i mean all they can do is say “no,” right? and then look at you like you’re a pill-popping-mom-junkie.
awesome.
dude, i so got this.
the magoo is all mine for the weekend. with paul out of town for work and mom back home in atlanta, i am officially entirely responsible for the little dude… every diaper change is mine, every meal is mine, every second of every minute of every hour of every day until monday evening, the magoo is mine.
spoiled me has not had jackson by myself, overnight for multiple nights since he’s been born.
24 hours in to this adventuresome weekend, i find myself bowing down to you single parents and only parents. i also find myself wanting a vacation… LIKE RIGHT THE HELL NOW.
i will not shower today (nothing new there)… i will most likely not watch football today seeing as the magoo prefers other television programs… and i sure as hell will not be shaving my legs for the next 2 days (i’m disgustingly excited about that part).
i gotta get creative, inventive, and keep the magoo distracted as much as possible, especially because he’s going through a “daddy is my favorite” phase right now. uber fun for me!
i’ve actually considered taping pictures of celebrities faces over pictures of my husband’s face so that the magoo stops pointing and saying “mah daddy, mah daddy, MAH DADDY!!!!”
pretty sure i could get creative with some celebrity crushes and their pictures…
i’m really trying to not get all wigged out about this. people do this all the time, right? it’s not really THAT BIG of a deal, right? (humor me please).
some parents sleep in their clothes *ahem* matt… and yeah, it’s kind of a brilliant thing, sleeping in one’s clothes. it totally cuts out that whole dance you have to do consisting of getting yourself dressed while holding your child because your child is a maniac and to him getting dressed = going somewhere in the “vroom vroom” and the anticipation of a possible outing induces the spastic circular happy dance where he spins himself until he finds some way to hurt himself and you have to hold him so that he doesn’t do this spastic circular happy dance resulting in injury but he still squirms and kicks and head-butts you while you try to just get your damn jeans on.
eff that man, i’ll sleep in my jeans thankyouverymuch.
so it is quite possible that i will sleep in my clothes this weekend, go without showering, and have the legs of a sasquatch…
i know, i know… you’re all just wishing you could spoon with me and my hotness. one at a time please. one at a time.
if you’re not busy tonight…
and you’re not watching “so you think you can dance,” you may want to check me out… here.
cuz the project that i’ve been working on is kinda launching TONIGHT.
and yes, i’m scared shitless and wetting my pants as i write this.
BUY THIS BOOK!!!
but my fear won’t stop me from promoting my friend‘s book… or drinking his favorite beer that tastes like the urine i am currently sitting in.
so, 9 pm EST tonight… check me out.
Have a Sip
