wish list: back-to-school edition
as a kid, august was my FAVORITE! by the end of the summer, i had a righteous tan from playing all day every day in the sunshine with friends. i had stories to share about camp, neighborhood antics, and beach trips. and i had new gear to sport at school.
i would spend HOURS organizing my binders with tabs and notes and stickers. highlighters, markers, ballpoint pens, and number 2 pencils would fill my pouch or pencil box (sometimes both).
not that i was a stellar student. i wasn’t. until i was in college and actually had a say about which classes i invested myself in.
funny how that happens.
anyway, if i were heading back to school (which i never will again b/c ZOMG I AM SO DONE WITH SCHOOL) this is the gear i would want…
Skip Hop Zoo Pack Little Kid Backpack
MadPax full and half packs 
Bird vs. Bee Mittens (yes, they have adult ones too!)
Banderole Pencil Set 
Striped Binder Clips
Alphabet File Folders
Black Skulls On Blue Binder
Black/Flame Converse Kids Chuck Taylors
all product images are courtesy of the respective stores…except for jackson…i produced him and that photo, so steal it and i’ll shank you.
on shifting and budding and growth
mother nature is a menopausal bitch right now. granted, i don’t want to piss her off anymore than she already is (hopefully she is not reading this post). i’m fairly certain that everyone is well aware of her wrath and overall disgust at the way we have treated our world and our planet… each other…
no, i’m not stepping on that soapbox…
in fact, i’m doing the opposite, i’m just taking it all in… i watch the news (somedays, and other days i have to turn it off because i get scared and look to paul for comfort and he shrugs his shoulders because just like everyone else, we don’t have all of the answers). i watch my son grow like a goddamn weed whose roots are so embedded into the ground that no matter how much you trim that sucker in an attempt to control it, it’s just going to grow and grow until you just submit. i watch people around me, some interacting with others and some watching on the sidelines. people in the grocery stores going up and down each aisle picking and choosing, people in parking lots trying to find a spot where they belong.
and then i watch our weather change… seriously, by the hour change… it’s wild and frightening at the same time. one moment i look at the temperature and find myself giddy at the opportunity to take jackson outside without having to wear a heavy coat. to enjoy some sunshine. (after all, he is an earth day birthday, a total tree hugger.) but in the blink of an eye or a rumble of thunder, what i saw outside as potential for spring changes entirely. lightening cracks and jackson looks panicked for a moment. temperatures drop and gusts of wind nearly blow the winter hats off our heads.
his cheeks are red, not from growing warm running around the park, but from the cold.
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distractions occur. the television channel changes. phones ring. emails grab your attention. you stumble upon a blog post that resonates so deeply within you. and then you lose yourself for a moment, entrenching yourself in something else entirely.
at some point, you rub your eyes, take a look at the clock and acknowledge how much time has passed. sometimes this can be a gift as you realize that you’ve possibly accomplished a great about of stuff in a small amount of time thereby leaving you with that much more time to accomplish that much more stuff. other times this can really piss you off because it dawns on you that you spent what seems to be an obscene amount of time starting at a black computer screen that is still blank because you don’t know what on earth you want to say.
so you breathe. because, ya know, you can’t not breathe (i mean you could, but that’s another post entirely…). inhale. exhale. reassess. possibly step away and return later. possibly plug on. trying to remember that you really truly want to be present.
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i looked out my bedroom window just now and see the slightest glimmer of sunshine. hope.
excitement exuded from my voice as i drove jackson to school this morning and we talked about running around outside on the playground. swinging and sliding and jumping. he thrilled me with stories about yelling outside “but not inside mom,” and i smiled.
shit, he is growing fast.
he is going to turn 3 very soon.
shortly after, i will turn 30.
i cannot wait to begin a new decade. strange as it may sound, there is nothing about aging that scares me at this moment in time. i’m sure that will change, as all things do… mature, learn by experience, and grow. it’s important to me to continue absorbing, allowing myself to be taught by other people and by the world.
as i approach this new decade, softly tuck away my 20′s, i welcome thoughts of what’s to come… good and bad…
…the wanting, trying, working, failing, learning, achieving, resting, and everything in between.
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a special thank you to jen o. from my tornado alley for writing this post that inspired mine. if you haven’t already read it, you must. you simply must.
the potential for more
my parents got married when they were 19 years old. they’re still together and disgustingly adorable. i say that with genuine admiration, because it’s wonderful knowing that you have been raised by two people who are so deeply in love with one another.
they spent some time apart after graduating high school. my dad moved out to texas. mom remained in florida. she made a quilt when she wasn’t writing him. the quilt is something that i can remember being draped over our couch for years when i was a child. each square of the quilt has a message on it… a date, a name, a memory.
i took that quilt with me when i went to college.
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when paul and i were engaged, i had a conversation with my dad about the impending wedding. there were sweet words that only a father giving away his only daughter can share. there were laughs as he asked me if one of my best friends, a bridesmaid, would still have pink hair come wedding time. (FYI: she didn’t, but when her hair was pink, she rocked the hell out of it.)
at one point during that conversation, i remember my dad shaking his head and chuckling. i asked him what was so funny and he responded with “my peace loving, free spirit of a daughter is marrying a navy pilot.”
i laughed with my dad. i couldn’t believe it myself… sometimes i still can’t.
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it’s funny when you take time to reflect on the loves in your life… the people you let into your world at different points in time. people who come in to your life and stick around, for a while, forever. people who go but left their mark on you and influenced you in some way. people you have influenced. and people you have yet to interact with.
the potential for more…
no matter how much i plan and attempt to organize my life, i am continually amazed by surprises… those things that i didn’t plan for.
good things and bad. the potential for both, every day.
you would think i’d be used to this concept by now, but i’m not.
the unexpected is a frightening thing to me. it’s always there. it’s always a possibility. and that is difficult for me to embrace.
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after being married to paul for over 6 years and together for almost 12 (jesus!), one would think i’d have gotten used to what he does for a living, and all that is involved with it.
but i’m not used to it.
in all honesty, i doubt i’ll ever be used to it. i’m actually quite removed from it… by choice. paul is constantly teaching me new things about his job, how it changes, and the history behind it… how he grew up in this lifestyle, how some of it is new/different, and some has remained the same. my father-in-law does this too, sharing bits and pieces.
sometimes i think they do this for themselves, to remember.
they both know what to expect from this lifestyle, for the most part. at least they seem to. they “get it” and i don’t.
so i hum along. i listen to their stories and explanations. i question A LOT.
and i keep going. hand in hand with paul… and now with jackson too.
the day will come when jackson has questions about this lifestyle that paul and i have chosen for ourselves and our family. questions will come probably sooner than i am anticipating.
he will wonder why his daddy goes away some times. he will learn the art behind letter writing. he will come to appreciate “welcome home” parties. and in the same way that i have learned one’s family contains many more people than those you share DNA with, jackson will learn that too.
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we planned on having a sibling for jackson during our time here. the timing to get pregnant, while we knew paul would be home, was something that was important to both of us. he didn’t get to experience my entire pregnancy with jackson, arriving home mere weeks before the magoo joined us in this crazy world over two and a half years ago.
but it wasn’t meant to be… right now.
i have since spent some time reflecting on the concept of family. it means a lot to be a part of a family, to love through good times and bad. memories are made, some things are never forgotten, and without realizing it at the time, we grow from it all… becoming who we are as (GASP) adults.
we gain strength, character, patience. we keep what happens to us with us… people with us… experiences. but we continue to move forward and welcome the new.
the potential for more.
i’m taking prenatal vitamins to make my skin stop breaking out and i broke our vacuum
correction: the amount of friggin dog hair that collects in every single corner and crevice within a 24 hour period in this apartment has blown up our vacuum. after trying to vacuum just now, i had to dig the dog hair out of the nozzle of the vacuum. like stick my fingers in the vacuum for dog hair. this was after the vacuum started emitting an odor of burnt dog hair that i ignored. so gross!
i digress…
when i went to the doctor last week, after getting my pap smeared and all that jazz, my doctor asked me when paul and i were thinking of having our next child.
first of all, why the hell can’t anyone just be content with where people are right NOW in life… when you’ve been dating for a while, people want you engaged… when you’re engaged, they’re practically pushing you down the aisle… then once you’re married, people want a honeymoon pregnancy… and once you blast out one kid, people ask you when you’ll have another.
OH, THE PRESSURE!!!
so, to answer my doctor’s question… “RIGHT THE HELL NOW.”
she laughed at me and then realized that i interpreted her “when are you AND PAUL thinking of having your next child” as “when do YOU wanna get knocked up again?”
no, i am not pregnant. yes, my IUD is still in place and fully intact.
but, i’ve got the bug. the uber-contagious super virus of a baby bug that seems to be plaguing more people than i realized, which of course doesn’t help the situation.
paul knows. and he chuckles at me. i even asked his permission before writing this post, being the ever-so-considerate wife that i am… wondering if i could ANNOUNCE TO THE INTERNETZ THAT I WANT ANOTHER BEBE!!! he still laughed. he wants more children too… eventually.
i want more NOW. i want to be pregnant again NOW. i want the preggers BELLEH again NOW. and i want the little nugglet of a new babe again NOW. i want the magoo to have a sibbling NOW.
i asked jackson if he wanted a little brother or sister. this was the response i got…
i took this to mean, “sure, why not?”
so i’m taking prenatal vitamins because it’s good for me and i like how it makes my skin flawless, my nails grow strong, and my hair shiny.
please excuse me while i go sweep up the mounds of dog hair that just exploded in my face and gag while doing so.
Have a Sip
