stickin it to cancer with local flavor
cancer sucks. it’s a nasty beast that plagues too many that we all know and love.
a very precious friend of mine and paul’s made me aware of a gift drive taking place that benefits young adult cancer patients and their families.
upon getting involved in this project, sarah made me aware that…
our drive is from now until 10 December and we are accepting gifts at the UMD Cancer Center, Mother’s Federal Hill Bar and Grill, and the UCF office in Columbia, MD. If people prefer to make a financial donations they can do so in 5$ increments on the website: ulmancancerfund.org under “get involved/gift drive.”
On December 9th we are holding an event to celebrate the gift drive at Mother’s Federal Hill Bar and Grill, and everyone gets food and booze by bringing an unwrapped gift to the door!
I am asking for unwrapped new gifts for anyone between birth and 36 years old. Many of the patients have had far more challenging lives than I can imagine and will benefit greatly from even the smallest donations. I want to get the word out and promote as much as possible because I know a weak economy and Christmas makes gift giving more challenging for everyone. However, keeping this group in mind is important too.
stick it to cancer with me and sarah and help out either in person (if you’re in the maryland area) or please consider making a $5 donation to ulmancancerfund.org
we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
for those of you who can’t join us, please leave a comment below and share what activities you and your family are participating in this holiday season to give back and put a smile on someone’s face.
so there’s this guy…
and he wrote a children’s book.
and ALL proceeds from the book are going to charity.
stop swooning ladies, he’s very happily married. seriously. you’re embarrassing me.
jason and i have been friends for quite a while now, though he is shorter than i am. our friendship that has grown over time is a testament to how awesome the blogging community is. jason is the silly, awkward older brother i never had (doodie jokes included) and i could not be happier for him.
you can purchase his book by clicking right here or right here and not only put a smile on a child’s face, but also be a part of a much greater cause.
you can read more about Garden of Dreams by clicking here, and learn how they work “to make dreams come true for kids in crisis.”
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congrats, broheim… “proud of you.”
the one about my meds
so. this is a post about my current medication situation.
in other words, feel free to close the browser if you have nothing helpful or insightful to contribute.
here is what i love about the blogging world: readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment.
here’s is what i don’t love about the blogging world: readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment.
within the blogging world there is a sizable community of those who struggle/battle/are challenged with some form of anxiety. there are millions of theories as to why this is… however, that’s not what this post is about.
this post is about my current medication situation with regards to my general anxiety disorder and acute panic attacks.
again, feel free to close your browser. no hard feelings.
months ago, i wrote this post about having the baby bug. a couple of months after that, i wrote this post about having my IUD removed to get the party started on magoo 2.0. and then last month came, and i wrote this post about my baby bug being squashed.
paul and i have discussed trying for another baby this fall. DISCUSSED. i take this very seriously for a number of reasons… we have a lot to consider in terms of paul’s work and timing when it comes to expanding our family. that’s a biggie. we have a lot to consider in terms of jackson’s needs as a 2 and a half year old little boy who STARTS SCHOOL next month.
holy shit.
as for me, i have a lot to consider in terms of my mental health and well-being. anxiety disorder has always played a significant role in my life. i am medicated for it. there is a combination of drugs that work to keep the chemicals in my brain balanced and my panic attacks at bay.
i’m not ashamed of this. it’s not easy to relinquish a sense of control over oneself to a pill, or a combo of pills, but for me it is necessary and i have come to terms with that fact.
in order for magoo 2.0 to be conceived in the most healthy way, i need to be off my meds for the most part.
does this mean i’m going to go bat-shit crazy once i am sufficiently weaned off my medication??? quite possibly.
does this mean i’m going to go bat-shit crazy once i am pregnant??? most likely. hormones are nutso like that.
does this mean i’m not going to be safe in terms of my own mental health and state of mind??? i’m not sure.
so, i’m trying to find out what will potentially work best for me as i wean off my meds and continue to DISCUSS a possible pregnancy in the near future.
i want to be a good mom. we all want to be good parents. i’m not sure what being a “good” mom really means although i have been a mom for over 2 years now… but i know that my goal is to be a good mother.
being a good mom, in my case, means that i also need to be good to myself. i need to take care of myself in order for me to best take care of my child(ren).
i want to do this the “right” way. i want to wean off as much as possible, or change meds that are safe to take while pregnant.
so this is the part that i reluctantly offer to the blogging world… the one where readers and commenters have passionate opinions and are willing to share them in an open environment… yeah, that one.
this is the part where i ask you to share with me… not judge… share.
what have been your experiences in terms of weaning off meds and/or changing them?
how did it affect you?
in terms of anxiety-specific medications, do you have recommendations for me? ones that worked for you while trying to get pregnant or throughout a pregnancy?
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thank you. truly. it’s not easy for me to click “publish” for this post. but i do respect this environment and the people in it… and i respect your input.
it should be noted that i am and have been in discussion with doctors regarding this and i’m not solely looking to the internetz to provide me with solutions. (i like you guys and value your opinions… but not THAT much.)
and so it goes…
for the last 5 days, each phone conversation that i have had with my husband has begun as such…
“hey,” i say. jackson screeching in the background as my mom and dad whisk him away so i can focus.
((((long pause))))
“i still don’t know anything,” are the first words out of his mouth.
and those 5 words NEED to be said immediately after i have answered the phone in order for him and i to attempt to carry on any sort of “normal” conversation beyond the not knowing… beyond the obvious ugly.
once that has been established, some questions are asked from my end… questions that i cannot share here but wish i could.
he and i attempt to discuss other things. talk about jackson. ask about our families.
we continue to duck and run, bob and weave, dodging what we dread so very much… being separated for a VERY long time, with him being called away to a place that keeps me awake with nightmares in the earliest hours of the morning.
i have these conversations with myself during those wee hours of the morning when i wake up startled and scared.
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we dodged the bullet this morning. he was not chosen to leave at this moment in time.
i’m grateful. i’m relieved. i’m breathing at a steady pace.
but i’m still frightened.
this looming THING that we have been spared from for the second time in just a couple of months still looms.
it arrives with full force, announcing its presence with a thunderous roar.
and you wait.
and wait.
you duck. cower. look left and right. weigh your options.
you bob and weave.
and then what was this all-consuming THING vanishes in an instant. as quickly as the snap of a finger. and you are told that you are spared.
today we were spared.
but someone else was not.
someone with a family. someone’s husband. someone’s daddy. someone’s brother. someone’s son.
and so it goes…
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THANK YOU from the depths of my soul for all of the encouragement and support you have provided me with since my last post that i was not even given the ok to publish until yesterday. i have the greatest readers on the face of the planet. you are all gold, and i hope you know that i truly am grateful for each one of you. you allow me to be me in my space. accepting me at face value. and at the end of the day, that’s all i could possibly ask for.
Have a Sip
