for maddie… in pictures
i don’t have words right now. i have pictures to offer in lieu of words. i will write when i am ready. but for now… for heather… for mike… for maddie… i offer these..
the only words i do have are yes, that is the poopy diaper we had to change pre-walk, in the backseat of the car. and yes, paul left it on top of the car during the walk, so that post-walk it was still there, waiting to be disposed of. and finally, yes, these are the only words i have right now because when i’m feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, the first thing that comes to mind is “shit.”
with beauty and wonder
with the beauty and wonder that only a child can have, jackson discovered my favorite flower on easter sunday. so gorgeous that they look unreal, too good to be true… and yet they are…
dear jackson,
in 8 days you will turn 1, and over the last year i have seen the world with a new set of eyes… a set of eyes that marvels at the delicate, waxy-feel of a tulip… a set of eyes that lights up like fireworks when your daddy walks in the room… a set of eyes that is honest in discovery… thank you for teaching me about beauty and wonder.
i love you,
mom
it seems only appropriate that the bed of tulips i sat jackson in were the most magnificent shade of purple i have ever laid eyes on. and it seems only appropriate that they tapered off into a bed of bright yellow tulips, as though maddie herself were lighting up the world with her smile. madeline’s funeral is today… and it is with true beauty and wonder that i admire the strength of sweet maddie’s mom, heather, in reading her blog post from yesterday.
think of them
March 24-25, 2009
I’m torn writing this post. I am selfish in the sense that I have completely 100% savored the weekend that I have just had with Paul and Jackson. Sunday we celebrated Jackson’s 11 month birthday in downtown Annapolis, watching the boats pull up into “ego alley” and seeing kids feed the ducks. Jackson snacked on an ice cream cone as Paul and I watched him in amazement… this time next month he will be 1…
And as I read Matt Logelin’s post “and we’re off” that contains an exquisite video of his precious daughter, Madeline, I am overwhelmed with sadness for him. This week he will celebrate his daughter’s 1st birthday on the 24th, and shortly after, the 25th will mark the 1st anniversary of his wife’s death.
What do you do with that? How does one celebrate and grieve at the same time? How is the human body capable of both containing and releasing such raw emotions?
I have followed Matt’s story for months now. I link to his blog and the foundation that he has started in memory of his beautiful wife, Liz. I am proud to watch Matt via blog on his travels, taking his sweet daughter here, there, and everywhere, recording every bit of their excursions. I am proud to read about how he has embraced fatherhood in the midst of his own horrific demons.
And tonight, Sunday night, I find myself alone at the computer, lights turned off, Jackson asleep, Paul getting ready for bed… and I find myself anticipating the week ahead for Matt. For this magnificent father, this magnificent man… who will endure both sheer delight and sheer pain in the span of 27 hours all over again.
I just ask that whatever readers I have out there, please just think of them this week. Even if you don’t link to their site, read their story, check out the foundation (I know we all lead busy lives of our own)… just think of them this week. This is a good man, a good family. He needs good thoughts coming his way right now.
Have a Sip
