ownership
all material possessions aside, here’s what i own… i own my thoughts, some sane, others not-so-much. i own my words. i own my actions. i stand by my words and my actions. i stand by my thoughts, some of which (very rarely) go unsaid.
i own my outspoken nature, the stubborn bull that is my taurus… unrelenting, and willing to fight to the death for a cause. fight for a friend. fight to be unsilenced, to continue possessing my voice. a brash voice. an emotionally-driven voice. a typically strong voice that occasionally becomes a whisper.
even when quiet, when hushed, i find myself pausing to reflect on what i will next speak of. the voice in my head. the constant writer. the unrelenting creator whose mind is never quite turned OFF.
and i love that. i own that.
this last week has been one that began with venomous hatred, pointed fingers, and judgments mostly under the name “anonymous.” true or false, those were your possessions… that is what you own. you own your hatred of me. you own your mistrust. you own your confusion. disgust. rage. apathy. whatever it may be that you have experienced and felt as a result of my words and my actions.
here’s the thing though… this is not about you. my experience is mine and mine alone. yes, my story is one that was shared with you all; however, it’s not about you. none of this has anything to do with you personally. none of you were with me in the atlanta airport, though you may think you were because you got a 9-angle glimpse from a video immediately released on the TSA’s blog.
the blog that said i had been contacted multiple times by the TSA (which i’m still waiting for). the blog that said i had gone into hiding during the 6 hours i was in the air, traveling to the west coast. had that blog spent the slightest of minutes taking time to actually read a few of my posts, look back a bit to where i mention a much-anticipated trip to the west coast, perhaps then they would own the fact that they were incorrect in saying i “went into hiding.” this is the same blog that led other blogs, like eyeonannapolis.net to refer to my story as a “kidnapping” and my husband as a “fighter pilot” (hahaha, i’m sorry. both paul and i laugh at that one, because even he was unaware that he was a fighter pilot).
the 8 hours that i was traveling last week kept me from giving so many people the instant gratification we all find on blogs, on twitter, on facebook and other means of social media. so you made it up. some of you concocted stories of your own about me “going into hiding” and about my son being “kidnapped” in the hopes of convincing people that my story was concocted and therefore false, and here are the 9 camera angles to “prove” it.
regardless of the “she said” vs “the video,” regardless of the implications, accusations, hateful words, loss of sponsorships (which again, if you went into my archives, if you even read my “about” page, you would know that i don’t do this for the money and that the money i make is peons… enough to buy this cup of coffee i drink as i write this post right now)… all of that aside, ownership is the lesson in all of this. and not just mine. but your’s as well. own your hateful words that continue to collect in my inbox, anonymous.
it’s so easy for us to hide on the internet, behind our keyboards and computer screens, isn’t it? what does that say about us as a society?
a lot has been lost over the last week or so… friendships, trust, dependence, and reliance on people… on me. and yes, it hurts. i own that hurt. some of you own it as well. many of you have made it abundantly clear already either in direct emails to me or in your own blog posts that you have zero intention of keeping in contact with me, continuing to read my blog, etc. and yeah, that hurts, but that’s your choice. you have taken it upon yourself to make that decision, own that decision, and there’s nothing i can do to change that.
i have no further insight to give you in terms of what took place in the airport. i’ve shared my experience. i own that. for some of you, i simply do not have answers to the questions you currently possess.
my truth was told, shared, tweeted out in the hopes of changing something for the better. i own that. it’s up to you whether or not you choose to believe it.
in terms of the tweets that have been photo-scanned (or whatever it’s called) and shared, the ones where i say “PAY ME FOR MY INSANITY… MWAHAHAHAHAHA….” c’mon. it’s twitter for christ’s sake. those of you who “know” me via blogging, via twitter, i believe and trust that you know those were in jest. and those of you who have written your own blog posts regarding those tweets alone obviously do not know me and have taken pieces of my story in order to create your own drama.
feel free to own that. just know that this is not about you. it never was.
this is about me owning my thoughts, words, and actions. owning my experiences. writing about my experiences and sharing those with whomever chooses to read this blog of mine.
and if you don’t like what you read. don’t come back.
one last thing… to those of you who have reached out and contacted me to let me know you’re thinking of me and that you care, thank you. to those women i have spoken on the phone with over the last 2 days, since i’ve turned my phone back on, thank you. to my VERY few but VERY stong male supporters, thank you for reminding me what is good and true in men.
as far as social media is concerned, they call it social media for a reason. it’s social. it’s not news. it’s sometimes fact and sometimes fiction and sometimes a variance in between.
close the laptop, even if only for 30 minutes. take a break from twitter, even if only for 10 minutes. step outside. remember your own truths. your own stories. own your good and your bad, your strengths and weaknesses because each one of us has them all.
this week has ended with sweet words and sweet friends, and yes, i have moved on from this experience. i have stepped away from my website, been able to focus my energies elsewhere, and it has been good. and yes, i have taken a xanax here and there because i have severe anxiety.
my apologies
my sincere apologies to all of you who have been concerned, wanting answers and looking for an immediate response from me regarding my experience with TSA in the atlanta airport on thursday.
to get right to it, yes, that is me and my son in the video posted on the TSA blog. i will address that in more detail in a moment.
to answer some direct questions though…
no, i did not leave to catch a flight with only 45 minutes before departure. in fact, i had originally flown out of jacksonville, florida thursday morning to pick up my son from my mother in the atlanta airport. (those of you who read my blog, know that i left for a few days to help a friend).
my 8 am flight out of jacksonville to atlanta arrived on time; however, i sat on the ramp for nearly an hour and due to poor weather, flights were delayed. the plane i was on had therefore not been assigned to a gate. this caused anxiety not only for me trying to make my connection through atlanta hartsfield-jackson but for other passengers who were on my same flight.
to set the record straight, i’m originally from atlanta… i have been through that airport a ridiculous amount of times, so i’m privy to the knowledge that i need to give myself ample time for things like baggage check and security, especially when traveling with a child.
in terms of me being unreachable, i simply have not had time to adequately respond and for that i do apologize. apparently a lot of people out there want answers (as do i); however, i needed to take a step back, take a break from my blog, give myself some space and time… as well as take care of my family.
as far as my site being “blacked out” or me “going into hiding” as some people have referenced, in my opinion, i have done neither. a trusted friend who is abundantly more tech savvy than i am temporarily shut down my site because i was concerned about the amount of traffic. given that my blog chronicles my life with my family and my son, the last thing i wanted was for it to crash. so thank you dear friend.
to address the video… yes, i agree with many of you, my story differs from the one shown on tape. what is not shown is me unloading all of my baggage and initially walking through the metal detector only to be told that i needed to turn around and walk back through because the metal detector had gone off. at that point, as i said in my original story i knew immediately that it was my son’s metal pacifier clip. i asked the man who later placed my son and i in the plastic containment box if i could put the clip on the conveyor belt. i was told “no” and to walk back through. none of that is shown on tape. however, once i was near the end of my experience and had been searched by the female TSA agent, they were pleased to have me remove the ace bandage around my knee and run that back through the conveyor belt.
in the video, it looks as though my son is playing happily in his stroller while i am being searched with a wand. obviously this is the big discrepancy with my story, since he was not in my sight at that time, and one that i too am thoroughly looking into. neither of the two phone calls i placed while seated in security are in the video either. what is shown in the video is incomplete as it leaves out when the security agent took my son to a separate area and out of my sight. this matter is one that is being handled between my family and the TSA.
i have no further accusations of the TSA, and ultimately who to believe is left up to you. there is nothing more i can do with regards to that.
in terms of the TSA attempting to contact me and me not answering. that is false. i have received phone calls from reporters in annapolis and atlanta, as well as a representative from the TSA blog but not from anyone who works directly for the TSA. and as you can imagine, yes, i am screening my calls.
i believe it was an anonymous commenter from the TSA blog who brought attention to the fact that no one was safeguarding or paying attention to my son and i being contained in a plastic box… and yes, that was a humiliating experience and i appreciate you mentioning that fact that was very easily overlooked.
bottom line: my son and i were mistreated and using my blog and my freedom of speech, i made that known to the public. for those of you who know me or “know” me in terms of frequenting my site, i trust that you know i am a strong advocate for parents which is why i posted in the first place, and made that known at the bottom of my original post that no child should be separated from their parent.
am i a dramatic writer? most definitely.
did my son and i suffer a traumatic experience? absolutely.
was my post written when i was extremely emotional? yes.
with that being said, i just ask that you maybe take a step back… in my opinion Elliott.org had a fantastic take on this entire incident that gave me perspective as well.
his suggestions for both myself and the TSA were honest and true. as far as i’m concerned, yes, i will bring my site back up as soon as possible. i’m pretty sure i explained in detail above why i didn’t until now. we intend to pursue this with TSA (though they have not called me as you stated). in terms of the f-bombs… yes, certainly something that i need to work on, unfortunately when placed in a traumatic situation they tend to drop with me. but i agree, that did not help my situation.
lastly, it was suggested that i move on.
i already have. i would like for everyone else to do the same.
sad as it is, i have received so many emails of stories more horrific than mine with regards to the TSA and their treatment of travelers, especially those who are not originally from the US, those with children and those of children with special needs. my heart has broken for the families who have endured such traumas.
i truly thank all of you who have been so supportive and concerned for me over the last couple of days. this is the first (and most likely not the last) time i have dealt with an exorbitant amount of hate mail. that has been difficult, i won’t lie. so your support has most definitely been something i have leaned on and will continue to until this passes.
Have a Sip
